Trying not to lose friends and overcome social phobia?

Question

I was bullied basically all freshman year for how I look and ended up basically having a pretty bad case of social phobia.. thinking everybody is watching me, staying in the house all day and every day to avoid being in public and suddenly becoming like a quiet mouse when I'm in a group with my friends, etc.

I have confidence issues and all that, too. Sometimes I feel like if I looked better I'd be more outgoing and less nervous about being in public. I know that probably isn't true though.. but still..

The thing is.. I really do care about my friends. I don't want them to think that I hate them or anything like that because obviously I don't. It's so hard to bring myself to the point of hanging out with them though.. mostly because it's usually a group of 4 or 5 people and i just want to escape from that. i get nervous that anything i say will be stupid.

I want to stop this, though. I found a counselor that I really like that I think may be able to help me with this and my depression and grieving for my dad. Basically, I have alot of things going on but I truly want to overcome this and just be with my friends like a normal teenager again.

I haven't really hung out with my friends since 4th of July. This whole summer I've maybe hung out with them 3 days..? All spaced apart by a few weeks.

I'm sort of surprised that my friends still consider me to be a friend.. I feel horrible and I know I wouldn't want someone to avoid hanging out with me or anything..

And when we do hang out they ask me what I've been up to since I haven't seen them in awhile.. so I just say I'm busy with something like volunteering or cheer (the only place I don't feel insecure).

My friend's birthday is tomorrow. I'm trying to be determined and not let my fears take over enough to miss her special day. It'll be hard, though.

If I told my friends, do you think they'd understand? We've all known eachother for basically a couple years, but we've been drifting apart a little bit. We still text but I haven't had a long phone conversation with any of them since maybe January..

I'm sorry if this question seems kind of confusing though.

I'm going to my counselor later today but I'm not sure where to even begin with talking about this.

If you want any details then just ask. Thanks for helping.

Answer 1

I was bullied all through elementry and middle school untill eight grade.

I just finally got fed up with it.  I was in the locker room and they were pushing me back and fourth.  I went nuts, i punched one guy in the nose made him bleed everywhere. then i turned on the other guy and started pounding on his face causing blood to spray everywhere.  I had to throw away my shirt and shower, and the third guy took off running. I never got in trouble that day nobody snitched me out which supprised me, after that though I had more confidence and every time someone messed with me I stood up for myself.  sometimes getting in more fights. always winning.  your case might be different though.  you see im not small. at the same time im not real big, im 5,10 and 185 pounds and for some reason when i start fighting which is hard to get me to do, I don"t stop until i know the job is finished.  anyways i build confidence and did realy well in wrestling in high school which built alot more confidnece.  

I don't know how old you are but i suggest taking up wrestling.  your body will become more tone, you feel and will be able to acomplish physical task that many others can't.  you will grow mentally. (just something to think about)  anybody who wrestled in highschool and college will tell you that it has helped them through there lives\.

Answer 2

Tell your friends all this.

It's hard to say this in person,I know.

So write them letters,emails,something,and get your point across.

Because it sounds like you truly do care about them.

Answer 3

My heart goes out to u girl....i havent been in ur shoes so i wudnt understand how the social phobia gets under ur skin..but i do know that its difficult to socialize with a group of friends instead of just 1 friend (some ppl may differ with that). U'v just got to pay more attention to whats being said in normal conversations instead of thinking insecure thoughts cuz thats part of where the "quiet mouse" character stems from.

So just refocus ur attention in their presence. Be more aware of ur external and ignore ur internal for a while.

Hope that helps short-term. Seeing a counselor is a very good and mature long term solution...and the younger u r the faster u'l heal.

Answer 4

Wow!  I had like this same exact thing happen to me.  To overcome it, I made the mistake of doing drugs (which I really suggest you don't do!), because I thought they would loosen me up and, well... allow me to be me!

I just suggest to really try to actually put yourself in social situations.  Make an effort to hang with friends.  It might seem simple enough, but changes will  eventually come... and eventually you can be yourself again.

High School's a rough place; don't let it forget who you really are!

Answer 5

Awww yeah I know what you mean! I have Social Phobia also, along with anxiety and I've had it since I was little so it really sucks! And yes if you explain to your friends exactly how you feel, they should understand. If not then you may want to try to find friends that are more similar to you. Sorry dear I dont know how to help you, Im going though the same thing. Good Luck! =]

Answer 6

if they're real friends they will try their best to understand and help you get through this process

Answer 7

Well, first and for most this isn't unusual so don't feel like your a freak or outsider because you have this. Also, I think your best advise is to be honest with your friends. If you can, I would tell them. If you trust them that is. They will have a better understanding of why you are how you are. Another thing is try to go out a little bit more. Hang out with your friends little by little and get back into the scene of life... but don't rush because these things take a lot of time. Spend maybe a few minutes next hours and etc... but don't force yourself to do it for too long. I have stage-freight and some social anxiety and I know exactlly how you feel. It really sucks because you feel you have no control over your life, but understand that you can do it. Don't avoid your problem it will make it worse, and pretty soon you won't be able to get out of the position that you are in. I hope your counseling goes well. I did that and I think it helped out a lot. They are very smart and very nice.

Good Luck and I hope all goes well!!!:)

Answer 8

I was actually bullied all through middle school and in 9th grade. It got to me then, but eventually as i got older and more mature I didn't let it bother me. I realized there's nothing I can really do except brush it off and move on knowing there are gonna be cocky people and people who like to insult others to make themselves feel better anywhere you go. Just concentrate on the ones who you like and like you back. It's hard at first but eventually you get used to it. And just be yourself because you'll make the best friends that way.

Answer 9

From your picture, you look really pretty so dont worry about ur looks and dont think ur not pretty because you are.I also have a problem like yours, sorta. im always afraid to speak out because i dont want to say something dumb and make everyone hate me. What i figured out is that after a while i get comfortable with the person im with and it is easier for me to talk. Really u just got to be yourself. That might sound like wat everyone says but its true. friends are good listeners so tell ur friends ur troubles. good luck =)

Answer 10

Hey we can talk about this through email if you want. I have the same problem and my best advise is to just go into it without thinking or looking back. People are going to look at you where ever you go. I have come to terms with that. Mostly because they don't have any manners because you don't see old people are older adults looking at you do you? (unless you do) Just to let you know. There is not going to be any magic to change things all of the sudden. This takes practice. Do your makeup but not to heavy. Just go out with all of your friends and don't care if you say something stupid. If you do just laugh it off and be loud. Not loud like loud loud but more open and stuff. Show people you don't care what they think of you and smile because then you will see slowly that they wont mess with you. Its hard to type while listening to music with me so email me if you want!