Trying to adopt?

Question

My husband and I are about to go through the process of applying for state adoption, and I am terrified I have heard so many horror stories of adoptions through the state that have fallen through at the last minute. We really would like to adopt an infant but as I understand it the birth parents have up to a year to try to regain custody in many cases which means you can foster the child until he or she is ready to adopt but there is always the possibility in that period of time for the birth parents to regain custody. That would be so heat breaking and its not something I want to go through. We cant afford most private agency we have looked into and many charge 20K and up not including travel, we don't want to have to do that because we don't want to be tight on money when we have a new baby. Are there any low cost places or anything like that around that have services to adopt infants?

Answer 1

All I say is Good Luck.It doesn't matter where you go it cost alot to adopt and that is so wrong.

    Alot of people say go out of the countries but their laws are changing because so many children are being taken against their natural parents wishes.

   Big guy says the church is the best well not in my son's case they are the ones that took his child after being told from a social worker at the hospital that the father wanted his child. I told the adoption agency to. Did no good took the child out of area on the 4th of July. Boy what luck all court houses are closed. You don't want this kind of adoption because you will not be able to adopt the child if the father fights for his right to raise his child. Even though this church will send the birth mother to your state to hid from the father..

I say best bet Foster care. Their are babies there to and most of them could really use a good home and if the mother's on drug I bet she doesn't even come back for the child.

Answer 2

Egads, yes I agree with Joy and Gershom, I am grateful I didn't have adoptive parents like that woman.  Holy moly!  I'd rather have been aborted!

Answer 3

I understand your need to parent from the beginning.  Here is my suggestion, in foster care there are sibling adoptions.  I know of one that there is a newborn son, 3yr old and 4yr old girls.  Instant family!  

I would adopt them myself but with 5 girls already, i'm afraid my husband would have himself committed. lol

http://www.wiadopt.org

Domestic adoptions should cost around 10k.

Some kids in foster care already have parental rights terminated.

Good luck

Answer 4

honestly, as weird as this might sound. try going through the pregnancy section on yahoo answers. there are alot of pregnant teens, etc on there. you may be able to talk to one of them about adopting their baby. just make sure it's all legal.

Answer 5

What I think we as adoptive parents need to understand is this:

Until a mother relinquishes her child the child it is exactly that...HER CHILD.  We hear "horror stories" but what is exactly horrible about keeping your child?

Why I wanted our dd very much we made it clear to her mom she could change her mind.

And may I also add that if your in the delivery room....give the mom time with her child...someone posted a story in this

forum from another blog.....it mortified me how insensitive the potential adoptive parents were.

Usually hospitals have another room where the adoptive parents may spend time with the child. To have family members parading in and out  of the moms room is ridiculous.

Answer 6

I'm in the same boat.. I cannot have children, but was born to be a mother...  I've always been good with kids, and had the best mother ever, so I know how to do it right and who to go for advice.. I feel I have alot of love to give..

Alot of anti-adoption people are nasty to potential adoptive parents, and talk about "entitlement issues" saying we think/act like we're entitled to other people's children because we cannot have our own. This is not the case at all..

You know what I see as "entitlement issues?" teenage and single young girls who think they are ENTITLED to s***w around and ENTITLED to slaughter their babies pre-birth, because they don't want their life interrupted for the choices THEY made (b.C aside.. none is 100% effective.. everyone KNOWS that.. so you should assume if you have s*x you could get pregnant)..

THAT is "entitlement"

If someone gets pregnant and cannot/does not WANT to, raise that child, then why can't someone have it, who cannot have their own children?  I'm totally against pressuring girls to give their babies up for adoption, I have no problem with supporting a girl (no matter how young) in keeping her child.. But if she is agreeable to adoption, then why not?  It really CAN be better for the baby.. Some women cannot have their own children but make great mothers.. some women are as fertile as a rabbit but make HORRID mothers..  Adoption is not black and white.. it's not all good, but it's not all bad either!!

But I'm sure there's lots of reforms to be made in the system

Anyway, what I really wanted to say to YOU is good luck on your journey.. you can try foreign adoption as an alternative.. and don't let people get you down by telling you you're selfish.

Oh yeah.. I'm REAL selfish in wanting to save an innocent baby from being chopped to pieces in it's mother's womb by a woman who's convinced she can't deal with a baby right now.., and to raise that child with love....

Yeah.. that's the epitamy of selfishness alright..

And as far as wanting the adoption to be not so ridiculously expensive.. If we don't have to shell out so much money to some agency, then we have more money to spend on our new baby!!! DURRRRRR!!!! Yeah.. who but a complete jerk would want the best for their child...

Answer 7

HELLO

THE ONES PRIVATE

ARE STOLEN KIDS.

AND THE GOOD ONES ARE LIKE

CHURCHES THEY HAVE GOOD CONNECTIONS.

STAY AWAY FROM HOSP. AS THEY STEAL

KIDS.

BEST

FRANK

Answer 8

First, I wish you all the best in your adoption journey, regardless of what route you end up taking.  

My wife and I have a beautiful (almost) 3-yr old that we adopted from Guatemala.  (Brought him home in January, 2006 at 10.5 mos.)  The regulations are making adopting from that country almost impossible, but there are other international options available to you.  Those countries are more likely to have an infant available for adoption.  

From experience, I certainly understand your concerns about the cost, but I would recommend you investigate this option further.  Most of these adoptions are closed, and the birth families have no legal recourse once you complete the process.

Even if you have to encounter some debt, the love, joy and pride you receive from your child make it more than worth it.  We even met families who had the support of their church, neighbors, etc. who even sponsored fund-raisers to help them with the financial obligations.  You might consider these options as well.

Answer 9

When i'm ready to adopt i will adopt a child who is a little older, they have lesser chances of adoption because everyone wants a baby. I want to give a good home to a child who desperately needs one.

The fact is that if someone decides to keep the baby you were still a great wonder in that childs life.

You gave him or her a loving safe place to be when they otherwise didn't have one and if the mother was unfit she wouldn't be able to take the child back. so all this child has seen was love, Thanks to you.

  You see it may be heartbreaking to have to give up a child, but if that child has a home then it's not as bad as it could be. there would still be thousands of children waiting to be loved.

Take a look at Wednesdays Child. wednesdayschild.com.

The children even get to tell you what they are looking for in a mommy!

Answer 10

I completely understand your fears with foster adoption.  I also understand your wishes to parent an infant child and experience that bonding.  

With any adoption, there is always the possibility that a 1st mom or 1st dad will decide not to proceed.  If you are applying for foster/adopt programs within your state, they may be able to focus more on children for you who's parents have chosen not to parent (or had their parental rights terminated already).  There are situations in foster/adopt programs where a parent has already made a decision that they do not wish to parent and your case worker should be able to focus on those children for you.  

Good luck with your adoption journey.

Answer 11

Before you adopt any child you must understand your reasons for adopting.  All I'm reading is you can't have your own but want to adopt an infant so you'll have the experience of raising the child from the start.

I haven't heard anything in your story about giving a child a loving home.  I read you don't want to have the child in your home only to have the parents get custody.  You are also worried about the cost.  I haven't read anything about the best interests of the child or about the challenges and joys of adopting an older child.  

I may be wrong - but what I'm reading is about your entitlement to have a baby of your own (with the least risk and cost) when nature and/or medical conditions are denying you a biological child.

Answer 12

I understand that you want an infant. But if you could afford to adopt one from another country, would you have a preference as to where it was from? I'd be happy to help you look for an agency. Adopting from the states just seems too risky to me, it could end up being fine, but it could also end in heartbreak. Good Luck