Trying to become a better father and a person, need help!?

Question

To make a long story short, I am trying to get over losing my daughter, everyone is telling me to stay strong and its hard some days I just stare off into space, others I am quiet. But I do make an effort for my other daughter. Anyways I made a list and a promise to my deceased daughter, that I would try to be a better father and a person. one of the ways I started to do this, was to write to everyone I had lost contact with and apologize to them for things I had done wrong to them. I have received some responses, but one of the people I really wanted to make things up to, has not responded at all. Should I tell her why I am seeking her forgiveness, due to my feeling guilt and remorse over losing my daughter and that each forgiveness letter I receive, is like removing some of the guilt?

Answer 1

What you are doing - apologizing for past wrongs, etc - is admirable. However, you need to let the people you are writing to respond in their own time, on their own terms. If you write a second letter telling her why you are seeking forgiveness, it might elicit a "fake" response from her. Your daughter's death will become the issue, not whatever it is you originally did wrong.

You can't make people forgive you - and you can't use your daughter's death as a reason for them to forgive you. Write the letters, but don't write them to solicit sympathy to make you feel better about your guilt.

Keep writing the letters, and take every acceptance as a sign you are on the right track.

Answer 2

No one can understand your remores except someone who has been in your shoes-My husband has -he lost an infant(14mnths)little girl to SIDS. I met him several years later. However, When I first met him he couldn't even talk about it-we weren't allowed to hang any pictures in our home either. It took councling from our bishop from our church for him to be able to come to a comfort that was right for him. Everyone has there own understanding about what they believe-when you find your comfort you'll know it. Anyway, I'm sure what you have done in your past there are going to be people who may or may not forgive you. You're going to have to except that. It takes time for some people to come around -sometimes forever. His comfort came to the fact that we believe no matter whom you may lose in this life -there still going to be yours to raise in the next-We belong to The Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints= Keep strong and your other daughter sill see your strength and will learn from that -Children learn from example-by what they see and hear.Tell your lady friend what you feel she should know. If she doesn't forgive you then she's going to have to talk to God about it -Not you -unles you want to.

Answer 3

Even the best of parents fill a lot of guilt when they lose a child. Right

now you are going through the normal grieving process and it doesn't

matter how many forgiveness letters you received you can not make the pain of losing your daughter go away. You have got to forgive yourself and give this other person time. If this other person is related

to your deceased daughter then they are still grieving and that's probably all they can deal with at this time. Keep honoring your daughter the way you have. Try to talk to someone about your feelings

that can help you understand  the grieving process.  

Answer 4

You did your part by writing the apologies. We can't always expect people to forgive us. The letter even without a response is good enough. I am sorry for your loss.

Answer 5

You did all you need to do.  You asked her to forgive you.  Now it is up to her to decide if she wants to do that.  Pushing her now will only make things worse.  You want to make things better not worse so just leave it alone for now.  You never know, she might just need some time to think about it and decide if she can forgive you.

Answer 6

not unless you want her to pity you.  

Answer 7

just make it up to her.