Trying to make it right after a critical mistake

Question

5 weeks ago my ex-girlfriend told me she was pregnant. I freaked out, well actually freaked out is an understatement. I told her terrible things, really horrible things. I told her she would be alone, that I wanted nothing to do with her and didn't want this child to know I existed. I said all those things because I thought it would help me make my point stronger. My point being that I didn't want her to proceed with the pregnancy. I didn't speak with her for three weeks, after leaving these voice-mails and sending notes. Now I'm stuck I've tried to reach out and tell her I want to be supportive of her, but she told me that all she wants is for me to be out of her life. She said that she would be willing to 'sign' something 'releasing' me of responsibility and that she wishes I stuck to what I told her initially and just went away. She even told me that the best gift I could ever give this child is to allow it to be adopted by a man she ends up with in the future. I'm confused I knew that she would be mad but not that she would go down this road. After I told her the terrible stupid things I did she sent my parents a letter saying saying I wasnt a man and would be held responsible and accountable. I WANT to be involved I want this child to know its father. I wish she would let me back in her life and allow me to support her during this pregnancy. What do I do give her some 'time' to cool off? Is she just super hormonal right now? Will she ever call me back? Have I done damage here that is not reversable? I know I said stupid things and should have stood by her side from the beginning, but I didnt. I want to make up for my mistakes and learn to be a daddy. Help me out here ladies, has anyone ever been in a 'similar' situation?

Answer 1

as i was reading your question i remember when my sister was pregnant for the first time.she was 18 at the time i was 13.anyways she was 18 and her boyfriend was 17 i believe.i remember her coming home one night crying because she and him had split up.he said that he wasn't ready to grow up and become a responsible man.he wanted to party with his friends.my sister was scared all she wanted was for someone to be by her side,yes she had her family and friends by her side but its different when you have your significant other there beside you to tell you everything is going to be okay and they will always be there for you.as months went by he came around a realized that if he was man enough to make a baby he is man enough to take care of it.they are happily married now and with 2 kids.

i cant say for your situation that it will turn out like you want it.but i can say that every girl just wants that someone to be there no matter what.she may have made up her mind and decided that she doesnt want you to be with her but just remember that it never hurts to fight to see your kid.it is your right.

Answer 2

Yeah....That was kinda a dumb move on your part. No offense, but yeah I went through the same exact thing with my ex. He told me to have my pregnancy terminated. Because I don't know you personally...I can only tell you what might help. She's really hurt right now (trust me...I know), so first thing I would do is apologize to her. If she doesn't respond to you right away or you don't get the response you want...don't get mad at her or argue with her. Just be patient with her. Maybe if she will realize you are being genuine & she will have a change of heart.  This is just a suggestion, maybe if you start taking parenting classes & reading books (like what to expect when expecting), then let her know you are educating yourself then maybe she will see you are serious. I hope you can use any of these suggestions. One more suggestion for the two of you...always think about what's in the best interest of the child, Not what you or what she may want. That's my #1 rule I go by whether I like the situation or not. Oh just so you know...I had a change of heart & my ex is involved in my daughter's life.

Answer 3

When my Fiance and I had a pregnancy scare, he told me to get an abortion, and that he would disappear and make our lives h**l if I let it continue.

I was angry, and hurt, and felt all alone, until a few days later, he called and told me that he was only frightened. He teared up, and told me from his heart that he only feared not being ready, and that he loved me desperately. It was one of the most tender moments we have had together. He told me that he would be the Father of our children, and that I would be a wonderful Mother, and we'd do whatever it took together.

It is so important that you tell her how you feel, and keep pursuing her until she understands. She might reject you at first, but things will fall into place. If it is one thing that a woman wants, it is to feel loved, understood and supported. Make it known that the more she ignores you, the closer you'll get...

Answer 4

Well, I'd like to say I feel bad for you but I don't.  I feel bad for the mother and the child.  You should never say things like that to a woman because some women are a lot stronger to tell you goodbye than deal with a mans insecurity and immature bullcrap.

I can't say I blame her at all.  Because for one, she was not the person who got her pregnant, you were!  If you felt you were not ready to be a father, you should have made it noted in the beginning and either she take birth control or you put a condom on,  it's as simple as that.

I know you feel as if you made a mistake and I respect you for owning up to it but you need to realize that a good woman is going to go in favor of a pregnancy, than in favor of an immature man.  Try having a tiny human being in your belly and be excited about it, for your girlfriend that you expected to be happy, supportive and overwhelmed with joy, tell you that you'd be alone for the rest of your lives.

I'm only saying this to help you understand a womans point of view on the situation because although some people look as men and women as equals, we truly are not when it comes to emotions.  Women are very emotional as it is, with pregnancy it's only 20x worse!

Answer 5

Yes, I've been there. My ex called and told me he didn't want my daughter to have his last name and he even told his parents he didn't think she was his. Then he had the gall to tell me that he changed his mind and would be there to help out if I needed it.

I grew up without my father around and I've seen plenty of friends with children whose fathers make promises and never keep them. I told him he could either be the full time dad or stay away. He hasn't seen her or called since she was born, going on 3 years now.

She probably feels like this will happen again when things get hard and she wants to avoid it. If she has ever had father issues in her life or seen them from her friends then she is only hoping to prevent her child from going through the same.

You may have screwed up beyond repair with her, but all you can do is keep trying to reach her and if all else fails take it to court.