Twin worries?

Question

I'm 10 weeks pregnant with twins, my ex left me before I found out I have conceived. I work , can support my self and one baby, but now I found out that I'm having two instead of one. I'm very scared that can't handle them. Is it possible to find adoptive parents after they're born, cause I want to see if I can handle them first? Also if I can't handle them, would they go to foster care first or are they immediately adoptable? Since I don't have adoptive parents set up during my pregnancy

Answer 1

Please contact social services in your town or city, to see if you can get any financial help from them.   You cannot give up just one baby....it would be cruel beyond belief to separate twins.  The one you gave up would never, ever forgive you.  And how would you choose which one to keep?   Also, even if your ex left you, he has a responsibility towards his children.  Track him down and make him live up to it.  There are ways to get help.  Please do not separate your children.

Answer 2

You need to contact an adoption agenciesand screen them , and then screen potential parents. You do not have to sign any legal paperwork adopting out your babies until you want to. And if an adoption agency tells you otherwise they are lying. Also research the adoption laws in the state you live in to know your rights before you ever talk to an agency. It is possible for you to have that option open to you if the need would arise. You may also want to look into finding state funded help (daycare vouchers to help with the cost,  WIC to help cover formula and food costs until they are 5 , and support groups for single parents of twins.) Also don't forget Child support from the father, and if he is not paying it have the state help you and let them deal with him legally.

Answer 3

Wow.  What a tough decision you have ahead of you.  I would highly recommend NOT getting an adoptive family lined up until you know 100% in your heart that you need to make an adoption plan for one or both of your children.  It would be devastating to an adoptive family to think they are getting a child only for it to fall through.  

You can make an adoption plan for one or both of your children after they are born.  You do not need to use foster care (unless for some reason the state becomes involved on their own).  You can place your child for adoption through an agency but you will need to find an agency that specializes in "older children" adoption.

You may want to start talking to an adoption agency now (without making any definite decisions until after the children are born).  At least the adoption agency could give you some advice and support through this difficult decision.

Good luck to you.

Answer 4

You can wait to place them after they are born , and you'll be able to find an immediate home for them, they will not need to go into foster care.

Answer 5

DO NOT GIVE ONLY ONE UP!!!!!

my older sister was adpoted before i was born, (long story) and it seriously messed me up.......

i cant even imagine what it would be like if my twin was adopted.....

if u feel u cant handle it then just get a close friend to help u or just go to a place, that they can help u

but just dont give one away, and not the other

Answer 6

You don't have to put them in foster care. You can keep them until you find adoptive parents, which, for babies is SO EASY to do here in America.

You should try to parent your children. Social services can help with daycare, WIC, TANF, and insurance.

Naturally occuring twins are special. You are very blessed. And if you are committed, you CAN do this. Go to  your church.

I just say this, because one day you might really regret giving away your twins.....

Answer 7

there are many agencies that help parents of multiples

get WIC it will help emmensily with food and such (even while you are pregnant)

huggies has a multiples program where you can get free diapers

there are also support groups and such for parents of multiples

just do an internet search for support groups or join and internet group

also track down the father

whether he wants to or not he is still responsible for taking care of his babies even if it's just child support

btw most times when twins are given up for adoption they are seperated and this is just wrong as they will always know something is missing

Answer 8

Well first of all, congratulations on your pregnancy. If you can handle one baby, you can handle two. Truly - it isn't that big a deal. But you should really make up your mind before they are born, whether you want to keep them or not. If you keep them for a while, then put them up for adoption, it means the twins will be denied that very critical first bonding that comes with the neonatal mom and baby.

They would not be immediately adopted, but would go into foster care, so you are looking at two or three (or more) steps between birth and finally finding a home.

It's a difficult problem, and one that is really hard to decide right now, because your maternal instincts are kicking in.

If you think you can handle a baby, and you have supportive parents, friends or other family around you who will be able to give you the help you will need, both during the first few weeks, and for the rest of the children's growing up years, then you should consider keeping them.

If you have doubts about it, if you don't have the support network, then you should seriously think about letting them be adopted at birth - with the caveat that they stay together. The twins spend months together in utero, and there are some very interesting scientific studies about the links between twins. They should be raised together, and you can insist on this before you arrange an adoption.

It's a difficult time for you, and no matter which way you decide, there will be times in the years ahead, when you will wish you had taken the other course. In the meantime, take good care of yourself during your pregnancy and get the twins off to a healthy start.

Bless you, and may you be guided to make the decision that will be the best for your children.

Answer 9

As a adoptive mom, I can say you will not have a problem finding a home for your twins after they are born and no they don't have to go into foster care unless it is to hard with both of them other wise if you find it is to hard you can keep your children with you until you find that right couple.

You sound like you are a strong women I say give it a try. It won't be easy  and some times it will be down right hard.  Talk to your family and friends let them know how you feel they ( some or all) my step up and offer to help you out. As far as other assistance you can check out your local state department and your local mothers of multiples to see if they may be able to help you in any way.

I hope this helps.

Good luck and may GOD BLESS you and your family

ADD

as far as giving one up and keeping one child it will be very hard to find a family who will only take one knowing there is a twin. as yes the agency, the attorney and the courts will know that the child is a twin and the adoptive family will find out

Answer 10

I hope this helps you.  My mother was 19 when she had myself and my twin sister.  She didn't even know she was having twins until she gave birth.  She said it was actually easier having two, because we entertained each other very well!  (She also gave birth to my brother 3 years later and thought that was more difficult to handle!)

I wish you the best of luck and I know you can do it if you try.  However, if you do decide to adopt, I know there are parents that would love to adopt twins!  (My husband and I have been looking into adoption and I hope we can adopt twins when we adopt.)

Answer 11

yes u can find adoptive parents later if u thnk tats the best thing to do hope everything turns allright

Answer 12

YOU WANT BE ABLE TO DO THIS. YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO PICK WHICH ONE TO GIVE UP.AND IF YOU DO GIVE UP ONE THE OTHER ONE WILL HATE YOU FOR GIVING ITS BROTHER OR SISTER UP. AND WHEN ITS GET OLDER AND FINDS THE OTHER TWIN. IT TOO WILL BE UP SET TOO. SO PLEASE IF YOU ARE GOING TO GIVE UP THE TWINS,DO IT TOGETHER. THEY HAVE SPENT 9 MONTHS TOGETHER. THEY KNOW THEY HAVE A TWIN........YOU DON'T HAVE TO HAVE A ADOPTED PARNETS FIRST,YOU CAN DO IT AFTER THE BIRTH. YOU CAN SEND THEM TO TENN. AND I WILL RASIE THEN FOR YOU. AND IF YOU DO GIVE THEM UP YOU CAN HAVE A OPEN ADOPT.THAT WAY YOU CAN HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH YOUR KIDS.

JUST DO ALOT OF THINKING BEFORE YOU MAKE A DECISION YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO CHANGE..

Answer 13

I don't mean to sound harsh, but children are not something to experiment with, to see if we can parent well, and if not, place them for adoption.  These babies are counting on you to make the BEST decision for them now.  You are their mother, and the time to start being a mother is now.  By that, I mean, to make the decision that is truly in their best long term interest.  And it would appear that that may be adoption -- if you are considering splitting them up, or trying out being a mother first.  They deserve parents who are there, 100% completely, from day one, on.  That what being a mother is -- giving our children the very best possible, no matter what.  Children cannot wait for parents to decide if they are able to parent, or can't do it well.  And they are not puppies that you decide to keep one of because you can't give both up.  If you need to place one for adoption then you need to place both for adoption.  It sounds to me that you know deep in your heart what you need to do, but are just scared or sad to do it.  But I know you must love these little babies a lot -- so reach way down deep, and do the right thing for them!  THEY will be fine (loved, secure, adored, well taken care of) by parents who KNOW they are 100% ready and waiting to provide them with a full, secure, stable life.  And they will always have you to thank!

Answer 14

Having one child is a huge responsibility so I can understand your concern about being able to support 2 and still be able to work!  

You should contact an adoption agency about your options.  Open adoption allows you to pick the family you think is best suited for your children and it allows you to be a part of their lives, if you choose to do so, after they are adopted.  Good luck to you and God bless!

Answer 15

You can contact any waiting adoptive couple after they have been born and if they have their homestudy already completed all they would need is for their attorney to write up a temporary custody paper until the consent is signed.  The couple would be able to have custody of the child immediatley.

How could you chose which one to keep and which one to place?  That would be a very hard decision to make.  I really feel that the twins should stay together, either in your home or someone elses.  They are twins that started life together and should always be together don't you think?

Answer 16

Even if he left you, he is responsible for child support. You need to check with a family attorney on this issue, ASAP so you can have everything in place to care for both children yourself. You can tandem breastfeed, and find support and help for diapers, etc. Two shouldn't be that much more than one, really.

If you choose adoption, you can wait as long as you wish to place, and should be able to do a direct placement if you find a suitable family via an agency. Foster care is not required nor is making your decision before the babies are born.