Twins, one dies in gestation, how does the surviving twin cope?

Question

We lost one twin at the 4th month gestation, his sister survived just fine and is now goin on her 19th month. I just wanted to know if any other parents noticed oddities with the surviving twin. Mine is advanced to the point where it seems as if she's two wrapped into one. Sometimes she seems extra sad though,she holds onto a teddy bear and talks to it in her own lil language. I don't know, its so hard to explain, it's like she misses the twin she never got to meet. I know twins always have this tight bond. Is there any other parents out there that have experience with this? and please don't add a ton of links, I want real life experience.

Answer 1

i gave birth to a son who was a twin when concieved.  He has always been 'different' ... a bit 'distant' and he didn't talk (not one word) until he was 2 (on his birthday, he said a whole sentence:  Grandma, I love you) and didn't ever talk much until he had a cold when he was five and I gave him some pseudafed to decongest him.  I don't know if your daughter is 'talking to her dead twin' or not ... but my son has Asberger's Syndrome (similar to Autism, but not quite as bad) and will always be a 'loner' because of that.  Try taking your daughter to a 'child pyschologist' and have her tested for mental health disorders ... because I did some research and found that of those children who were conceived as twins but who developed as one child have them much more frequently than others ... an in this case, I think it's much better to 'be safe' and know what is happening, than to 'be sorry' because you didn't do anything early ... when a child's health and welfare is concerned it is NEVER too early to seek help.

Answer 2

My daughter was a twin and like you I lost her brother at 4th months gestation.  I too noticed a difference in her, she would get very sad and it seemed something was always missing in her life, she was more attentive to her friends than my other child.  She took to talking to an imaginary friend.  I eventually told her when she was about ten years old because I believed that it would calm her mind and offer her an explanation of why she would take a break up or disagreement with a close friend so to heart.  I am glad I told her, she had a much better acceptance of her emotions after she knew that she did have a twin who did not survive.  Although she was sad at first it seemed to give her the opportunity to grieve and move on.  She is now a very cheerful, confident, outgoing young woman.  Good luck to you all.

Answer 3

My boyfriends youngest son (well until this one is born anyways) was suppose to be a twin but his twin died at 12 wks.  He talks like he is two people sometimes and when he sleeps he seems to leave room for another body next to him.  He talks in a different language sometimes (he is going to be 7 in a few days) and really just has some little odd things about him but he reminds me of my grandma.  My grandmas twin was born but died when she was 3 months old and my grandma has told me that she just feels empty and it is an emptyness that can't seem to be filled by anything else.

Answer 4

I know my one son had a near death experience after birth, and he had an unnatural interest in extremely bright lights during his first year. He would stare and stare.

Answer 5

no experience (apart from my husband being an identical twin and extremely close to his bro) sorry but I hope you get some answers - an interesting but very sad question - sorry for the loss of your daughter's brother.

Answer 6

Hi there. Our Ruthie (nearly 3) lost her twin at 9 weeks so it is probably way too early for her to pine for her.

But I'm sure it is possible and actually a wonderful thing that she remembers her twin.

I wish you all the luck in the world.

Answer 7

My nephew's twin died early in the gestation process, too. My nephew ended up being born a month early, at about 4 pounds, and was in the hospital a few extra days while they monitored him. He is 8 now and pretty much your typical growing boy, but when he was younger he would often just sit quietly, his big blue eyes wide open. He seemed to be in deep thought about something even as an infant. We always wondered what was going on in the little head.