Two Brothers....One Night....poem, tell me wah tyou think?

Question

Tears freeze on my face in the middle of Summer,

My skin is freezing as my heart is now ice,

The loved I had was taking away,

And that one cold summer night.

Like a breathe of fresh air I never received,

It's not funny to be this far away,

I'm sailing on a ship that lost in the sea,

Your love I can never replace,

Oh brother you are the only one,

Who was there to keep me strong,

But as the days get old and cold,

I turn a relise God's not the one.

For to late I've been all my life,

So maybe I can find answers within a knife

Don't look down at me and think,

'what a pity he could have been me'

So long to you my one true friend,

You are my poem in the end,

Like a brother should a brother would,

Go in battles for you, but I'm not strong enough to win...

My brother died in a drunken driver hit and run...still havent found the guy!!

Answer 1

it is very interesting I like the understory you can tell that there is some personal and some fictional parts I think with a little tweaking it could be very good.

Have u ever thought of a poem kind of happier/sadder where it has a deep contrast? Where every other line contradicts each other.

Answer 2

oh, its kinda good

Answer 3

aww yes that`s very sad, and you expressed what you`re going through with a poem. The cold represents much in this poem, it especially represents how your`e feeling after the loss.

That`s therapeutic. I really hope you feel better soon since it seems you two very close.

I pray you get well.