Two Daughters 6 & 8 that fight ALL THE TIME.?

Question

I am about at my wits end. My step-daughters fight all of the time, and that is pretty accurate. They fight about anything and everything. One of the problems is the oldest one has been diagnosed with ADHD (I am not a person who likes to medicate a kid but she has absolutely no control and needs the medicine for school) and as a result has a little lower of an IQ then normal and she is a total bully. No matter what the younger one wants or has the older one takes it and controls it. I am freaking out here because it makes me get into screaming fits with them from time to time (bad for everyone but sometimes I just cannot take it anymore). I just cannot seem to find the right answer. The older one of them just always seems to be in the wrong which makes the younger one come tell on her. Then for the rest of the day I have them both going back and forth, the younger one telling on the older one for bullying, and the oldest one trying to get revenge.

Answer 1

It is perfectly normal when young kids fight with each other.  In fact, if they never fought, it would be abnormal!  However, you are right to be concerned about the intensity of their arguments.  If either one of them results to physical harm, she should be disciplined without fail.  Other than that, the best way to respond to their quarrels is with patience.  Yelling at them will only elevate the discontent on all sides.  It will also teach them the need to negotiate or work well with each other.  Good Luck.

Answer 2

Sibling rivalry is quite normal.  They're not going to quit fighting.  Stop screaming at them, and tell them to work things out themselves.  Do NOT allow the younger one to tattle.  If she comes to tell on her sister do what I do I look at my youngest one and smile.  Then I say "That's nice now go fight".  In otherwords I IGNORE the tattling.  That's why the younger one is doing it.  Not because her sister is in the wrong but to get attention.  I grew up with the consumate tatteler.  My sister used to THRIVE on getting me in trouble.  Even into adulthood...she STILL will tattle to our mother and she's 40 years old!

Answer 3

What do you want from your  kids? - Do you know? Obviously NOT!  So, how can they know what's expected of them?

Write done what you want from your kids. Sit them down one at a time,  then jointly. Treat them as adults.  Discuss all with them.  Reach an agreement.  Let them set the disciplines. You just make sure the rules are strictly adhered to and carried out.

Answer 4

Do you sit down together for a family meal in the evening?  If you don't, start making it a habit.  For every time they've fought that day, they have to give each other a compliment.  It has to be something really nice about the other.  They will start looking for the good in the other person and start noticing that the other one DOES have good qualities.  Maybe some of those could be discussed at the table and plans made as to how those could be an advantage.  Rule --no arguing at the table, anyone who breaks that rule leaves the table hungry.

Answer 5

buy a cheap tape recorder and record them fighting (secretly, so they dont know you are) play the tape back to them

they'll be suprised are realize how horrible it is

Answer 6

Make them hold hands for an hour after having fights any fights and all the time. separate them when possible. they need their space, and seems to be theyre fighting for everyones attention due to the fact that now they have more people to give them this attention. give the same amount of attention and maker it known and done that one mistake equals one punishment do not treat them any different than the other punishments should be all around equal. most important is to separate them time and space should make them fonder. give them things to do together. wash the dog car room together and monitor .....do NOT be a lazy parent be there to mediate everythign done said and fought over when you give these tasks. if they start fighting over something step in make it fun take theyre minds off of the problem at hand. hope i helped dont have a lot of time to write too much right now. hope i helped