Two questions about talking to my dad...please help?

Question

Ok well this is sort of complicated but I'll put it as simply as I can. I'm English and I have just moved to USA to live with my Dad about three months ago. I never knew him before this, he used to pay my boarding school fees but that was it. But he stopped paying and because my mum didn't want me at home all year she said my dad had to take me instead.

My dad doesn't like the way I speak and he gets really annoyed about it because English words don't have the same meaning as American words, like I call my evening meal tea and he calls it dinner. He doesn't like my accent either and when people ask him if I'm British he denies it. He wants me to say I'm American but I'm not. He gets really mad when use English slang and he is always trying to get me to speak like an American. How can I tell him to stop without offending him? I can't change the way I speak, it's just part of me.

My second question is how do I get him to stop spanking me, I'm really uncomfortable with him doing it. My mum never used to hit me. The first time he did it I thought he was bluffing until he took his belt off and put me over his knee. It hurt and I barely know the guy really. I'm 14 and please don't suggest I hit him back like my friends have, I'm seriously short for my age and he is huge. I'm 4”3 and he's 6”4. I told my mum and she says it's up to my dad how he wants to deal with me. Any ideas?

Answer 1

tell an adult or counciler he's hitting you and have him sit down ina controlled enviorment and tell him that he hurts you mentally and physically. tell him that you just want to be treated like a human being. because we all are. no matter what country or language you speak. tell him that you're trying really hard, and that it's annoying when he denys the truth, that its just who you are and if he doesn't like it, then obviously doesn't love you enough. its up to you if you want to try to fit in.

p.s. english accents are cute. don't worry to much about it. just work on the slang a little and whatever you improve will hopefully impress him. also, they have teachers in this country that help you lose your accent, but like I said, it's up to you if you want to fit in. :)

Answer 2

You are NOT a teenager...and an English boarding school pupil would NEVER say "tea" for the evening meal...only working class northerners say that and they dont go to boarding school...and if they do, words like "tea" get knocked out of them FAST. You sound like some old perve to me.

Answer 3

Well, first of all, welcome to the USA. I hope things get better for you here.

Anyway, contrary to what people are telling you, it is not illegal to spank here in the U.S. Im a police officer and you have no idea how many times a day we get calls to location where a child is being "abused." But in reality, it's just a normal everyday spanking that we, as police officers, can do nothing about because it is not illegal. The parents could have used a frying pan on the child for all we know, but if there are no marks and the child is in relatively good "health", there's nothing I can do about it. And it breaks my heart because I feel like the children are always getting the short end of the stick on that deal.

Im sorry you're in this situation. You shouldnt have to change who you are just to please your father. If he was a real father, he'd love you just the way you are. But my advice to you is calmly explain to him that you are way too old for this type of punishment and that he needs to use other methods. Maybe he's new to this  whole parenting thing. If that doesnt work, you need to get ahold of a counselor or a trusted adult who can help you talk to you father. That way hopefully they could point both of you in the right direction.

Now having said all that, if he is hitting you just because you are not conforming to the "American Way," then you want to tell someone immediately.  

Answer 4

Okay, this is way too big of a problem to be handled here.  If you can't convince him that the two of you need counseling, then there are going to be some serious issues.  Basically, for 14 years, you were an expense, not a child of his.  Sorry, but, that's pretty much it.  And now, you have added extra expense and time to his life.  Unexpectedly.  But, this is not your fault.  Your mother never should have sent you to him.  But, now that you are there and need to get help.  Spanking a 14 year old is totally unacceptable.  Your mother's response is just as bad.

Answer 5

Don't misbehave and he won't hit you.

Since you live in America now, you might as well TRY to adjust to the way they speak, ect.

Answer 6

It sounds to me like your dad is a jerk. I would politely inform him that at your age spanking is unacceptable and there are other ways to discipline you without him hitting you. You are who you are and you can't change that. If your dad continues doing what he is your only other options are to go back to your mom or report him for child abuse. Either way you need to do something. Good luck.

Answer 7

Hi

Well firstly, don't change the way you speak or deny your heritage, that's part of you and if your dad doesn't like it he should kick himself for having in a boarding school all these years. Your not going to be able to change the way you speak, that's in built from growing up in England. There is nothing wrong with it. The slang will come naturally from just hearing the people around you say it. If you don't know what a word means, ask, no one will mind explaining. Most people will ask you what some of your slang means as well. They'll pick up some of your words and you will pick up on some of there words. I know America and England are totally different so it must be a bit of a culture shock for you but remember if you get home sick, it's not forever, England is only a flight away.

Well as for the spanking, there isn't much you can do about it. Spanking is not illegal in America as long as it doesn't leave you with bruises. If he chooses to spank you, that's his decision I'm afraid, all you can do is tell him you don't feel very comfortable with him spanking you. They to reach a compromise, tell him your too old to be spanked but he could ground you instead or remove privileges. Asked him to not use a belt to spank you.

If he's hitting you purely for being English you need to tell an adult you trust so they can deal with it. If he's leaving marks do the same thing. You sound like a smart kid, try to reason with him but if he hurts you in any anyway, tell someone. Good luck, hope you like America

Answer 8

oo sounds like your in a tough situation. especially since your so young.

firstly about your accent, I would just tell him that you have lived in England for 14 years and are therefore going to have an english accent and use english slang. I would just humour him and tell him that you will pick american words and slang eventually but your used to english words and slang.

if I were you about the hitting I would just say to him that you don't like it and it upsets you, say your a teenager and growing and would prefer he talk to you when you have done something wrong or to upset him rather than using force.

also does your dad have a partner at all? if he does it might help talking to them they could maybe make your dad see sense. I hope it all works out for you.

Answer 9

you know im english and i moved to america a while ago (and i hate it here lol) but all i can say is your accent will fade the longer your here  tell your dad that it hurts you when he doesnt like how you speak and you cant help to spesk proper english hey id love to have my accent back

and second i know how you feel my dad and mum hit me and sorry to say I cant do anything but you can! him hitting you with a belt or any objet is illegal in the us and i say call in abuse

call the police or 1800 95 abuse and i know it is cause my parrents work for the state best of luck hun!

Answer 10

Sit him down when he is in a pleasant mood. Tell him the you are english and it feels like he is ashamed of you when he denies it and that you will try to fit in without changing yourself.

With the spanking thing I do have to agree with your mom because it is his choice but you can say that you feel uncomfortable because you barely know him and your not used to it. Ask him to do anything else or list examples of things he can do instead.

If your dad gets mad and hits you for real to the point of child abuse take it up with your mom that its becoming serious. If she doesn't listen i reccomend you take it up with the local authorities.

Remember this is akward for your dad too so try your best to go along with his ways and try to spend quality time with him. Become friends and maybe that will be the answer to the problems.

I wish you the best of luck. Welcome to America.

Answer 11

i really think that's sad. but its not your fault. you talk the way you talk and your the only one who can change that. if i was you id probably be deathly afraid to talk to him. but you probably should. ya i know it doesn't help you but you should at least try or ask your mom to talk to him. if she can.

Answer 12

You can't change the way you speak, Period. So your father shouldn't expect you to. There is nothing wrong with a different accent, heck i like most of the British accents. The slang just forget about, he'll get over it. Your slang will merge in with the American slang so i guess you'll have a sort of "Amer-lish" language.

Why doesn't your mother want you at home? Tha'ts a little harsh. You say she's working class so i bet she stresses a loy about maikng ends meet, righrt? so she probably just wants for you to have the best. I'm thinking if your father has been paying your school fees he must be better off finacially.

your dad is a typical American, to proud of being one. There is nothing wrong with being any nationality.

With regards to the spanking, there is nothing you can do but behave and try talking to him. If he chooses that type of method, no one can do anything about it unless he is causing you harm.

You really are too old be to getting spanked, but my parents spanked me late into my teens. And believe me when my father spanked he got his pont across. My butt would be so sore i wouldn't able to sit down for a few hours afterwards. Try to reason with him.  

Answer 13

>.< well i think you should sit down with him and tell him i dont want to offend you and dont get mad at me please dad but i need to talk to you. you know i and not from america and i just cant change the way i speak dont get mad at me and dont make me change this is who i am. About the hitting i am so sorry i think you should go to your room or a restroom everytime he starts getting mad and no never hit him back because after all he is your dad and thats disrespectful just talk to him in a nice way and tell him that he has never been there and you feel like he has no right to hit you to please stop and that you wanna get to know hium and spend more time as father and son

Answer 14

in most states in the usa it would be illegal to spank at all let alone with a belt...but i am sure you dont want to call the police on your father so tell that to your mom. also, try to talk to you dad about how new this all is to you and let him know your really do want to be like him but you grew up away from him. let him know that you are like him in many ways but you grew up across the world. you didnt make that choice. they did so why is he punishing you for it? and be willing to compromise. maybe take a language or speach class to show you are willing to try to be more like him.   pssst. i bet the girls like it. hehehe.

Answer 15

What a vile bully! Why doesn't your mom want you there all year? Have you got a gran or an aunt you can speak to?

Answer 16

Ok well, firstly you've got it right, never change who you are for anyone. Just because you speak differently to your father that doesn't give him the right to be annoyed by that. I have the same problem, I'm Australian and my father is English. You've had a massive culture shock, just because both the countires speak English it doesn't mean it is the same. You've had to adjust from being at a boarding school to living with a complete stranger, that's going to take time to adjust to.

OH so your a Geordie are you, i love that accent, don't ever change that.

Try to sit him down when he is calm with his partner if he has one and explain to him that it's not your fault you have a different nationality and it is also not your fault you have only just met him. Really both your real mother and your father need to have a chat about your well being. You say your mother is working class, so I'm guessing that's why your father paid the school fees, and that she doesn't want you at home all year, well news flash for her, what does every other parent in the world do.

English slang is very different to American slang but you'll be supprised how quickly you pick it up without even trying. what you'll find as well is that your American friends will start using some of the English slang you use. Don't deny you nationality, there is nothing wrong with it.

Yes, don't hit him back. if he's that much bigger than you it's suicide. Just remove yourself from the situation. If he spanks you again as soon as he lets you up, leave the room, don't argue with him, just leave. He shouldn't be hitting you at your age, certainly not with a belt. My father used to do the same thing to me and the only way i was able to stop it was to leave home. I'm not sure of the laws in the USA, it varies state to state but i think you'll find that it would be illegal for him to hit you and leave a mark. Try talking to your mum again, although it is your fathers choice to decide how to discipline you, you shouldn't be subjected to being hit. Maybe sugguest he grounds you instead or ask your mum to explain how she has been punishing you when you were living with her. Try to find something you have in common with your dad because if might be a good idea to have some bonding time with him. He may just be struggling with suddenly becoming a parent, just mind your manners and do what you know your supposed to. Don't do things you know will make him spank you and if your unsure ask him to tell you what the rules are. If he hits you and it hurts your seriously call the police. Talk to a teacher or counselor at school, they'll be able to help.  

Answer 17

It's because he's a peodphile.

Answer 18

tell him if he doesn't like the way you speak then he should pay for your boarding school bills!

And next time he hits you tell him its wrong! and not the way a grown man should treat a 14 years old...spanking could be seen as quite pervy to other adults....he'd probably stop then

Answer 19

What would the authorities in England say about this..? Report him.

He may be your Dad, but, as you say, you barely know him and in the UK he would be in prison for that type of behaviour.

Answer 20

Why did he hit you? did you wind him up?

If you did not deserve it then he needs to be reported, next time tell him you are 14 and it is sick he thinks he cn spank you after being absent for years on end, and secondly dont change for anyone, you and english and it is tea! lol

Answer 21

maybe you should tell him next time you hit me im calling the cops  

Answer 22

Try telling your mom he's mean and try to find something fun you have in common!

Answer 23

Try not to use you slang around him. Personally i think the English way of talking is very cool. If you can't not use your slang try explaining to him that you are trying your best to talk like an "American". As far as spanking goes dont hit him back that will prob make him more mad. But try talking to him about it making you uncomfortable. Tell him you would much rather be punished by not having tv or something like that. Good luck  

Answer 24

I would get away from your dad! He sounds terrible. And the spanking thing HAS to stop.

You need to explain to him that you aren't going to change the way you speak. You are English so you are going to speak differently. He sounds kind of prejudiced and embarrassed because you aren't "American" like he is.

Answer 25

hey if you hit him inb the throat  he will go down and then you can pull out your cell phone and call the cops   especially if he hits you back  that mf deserves to be hit if thats the way he treats you

Answer 26

first question,well tell him that that is the way and that might change (depends on ur age)....im english to and moving there once i have given birth (im 14) and dont judge plz,,but explain to him that u were taught like that and ur NOt used to american so ur half english ...and that is partly his fault(thats true even maybe cruelly said but TRUE)

WOW ur my age,just read the second part !!

thats now allowed(depends on ur state)tell him u hate it,make ur pint clear. tell him ur not used to it and thats the way its gotta stay,if it works then u can also say that u dont want to know him and u will go back to ur mum,that may work if he really cares.

well god luck,i dont know what else to say

xoxo

Answer 27

that sucks for you. you need a new dad. well this is why young boys like you end up going to the US military. it toughens u up and in a few years u will know how to take that punishment from ur dad. it will be nothing to you.

Answer 28

Oh boy. That is a lot to deal with. Culture shock plus a brand new, strict, intolerant father... I think the best way to deal with this is to talk to your school counselor. They will be able to help you sort out a lot of the feelings you're having and advise you about how to make this transition a little easier. Maybe they will even have some advice about how to handle your father' s negativity and intolerance. You sound like a sweet kid and he sounds totally unprepared for fatherhood. Maybe the counselor will also know of some resources where your father could get some parenting advice. It's worth a try.

Answer 29

Don't provoke him into spanking you. If you report him, you might end up in a foster home.

Answer 30

i agree with Daisyhill if you were ever at boarding school you would call your evening meal dinner and especially if you are English!!! Its a Scots thing to call it tea - trust me I should know I live there!!!!!

Answer 31

well spanking is 150% illgeal in the usa. so this would go under the jurisdiction of the C.P.S CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES. look it up online, if you have markings on you, file enough reports, h**l get in trouble.