Two year old potential bully~what do I do?

Question

Hello. I am a family daycare provider (for 9 years actually) and have a major problem that seems to be escalating. There is a two year old in my program that is hitting and kicking another two year old~but only when the child's (her own) mother arrives. The family just recently added to the family so this leaves me to believe that it's (the behavior) a way to get attention from both mommy and me (since my attention is now on her brother as well and not solely her). But why is she choosing the other two year old to take her frustrations out on (not that she doesn't throw things at us from time to time~but the other two year old seems to be the regular target)? She's coming across as a mini-bully~again, ONLY when her mom comes to pick her up~with me during the day, she's practically an angel. What can I do?? HELP!!

Answer 1

Maybe there's something going on at home.  The reaction to her mother arriving may trigger the behavior in an attempt to get your attention and push mommy away.  "See mommy? I'm naughty...I should just stay here."

Whatever the issue might be, it's worth talking up the mom and getting a little more info.

Answer 2

First of all, when mommy arrives I would make sure the other two year old is out of reach, hopefully busy somewhere else.  Is there a gated area this other child can be in when mom picks up the other child?  I feel this is very important first and foremost.  First for the safety of that child, and secondly you will see if the behavior continues without her "target" handy.

If this behavior continues I think your best bet is to hand the child off as quickly as possible.  Do you watch the brother also?  Who does mommy say hi to first?  Maybe talk about the little girl first and how angelic she was all day--what a great girl she's been.  Then, give an update on brother.  

I wish you lots of luck.  This is a difficult situation that doesn't always have a specific answer.

Answer 3

Bullying and being 2 just go together.  She has picked the other 2 because she can intimidate her.  Talk to the Mom about your concerns and set a time limit on sorting this out.  If the bad behavior continues past a month or two then it needs some professional corrective advice.  You might also try changing the routine at the time her Mom picks her up.  Give her something helpful to do and prompt Mom to notice and praise her for it.  She needs to feel that she can still be the princess even with a new prince in the house.