URGENT!!!!! HELP ME.... I REALLY NEED ADVICE:(?

Question

I REALLY WANT HIM BACK...?

I been dating this guy for about 5years. we recently broke up about 2months ago. In the beginning it was fine cause i was like i get to go out and not worry about him stressing me out, any guys. But the funny thing is that i want him back. I always wanted him. My parents thought that we was going to get married. Ok!. the reason that we broke up was because i saw this guy at work and i liked him. We went out to eat one night after work, not at any cozy place or anything of the sort. at a regular little diner. We sat and talk for a while. it wasn't anything to it. when we was leaving the guy hugged me and when he hugged me i turn and i receive a kiss from him. i wasn't expecting it. At that present time i was living with my boyfriend, so i left the guy and when home as normal. i wrote what had happen in my journal, so that i could take it off my mind. anyway some weeks late my BF decide to go Through my journal and discover what had happen. We argued for a while and things got out of hand. he took my phone and call the guy along with many others, that didn't had anything to do with the situation. i wanted back my phone from him and he refused to give it back to me. he left and when to work with my phone after me telling him that i wanted it.the argument wasn't about the phone it was the things that was in the phone that was pertaining to my job. i told him if he don't return my phone i will call the cops. and he refuse too so i did, call the cops. They when to his job and he left the premises already I didn't want this to go this far. Now in the 5years that we been together this had never happen before. every relationship has its up's and its down's, and we had our share. I would like to know if after all these years, i lost my relationship to a guy that i had like and nothing took of between us. I feel like just letting a bus hit me, so i could feel a different pain instead of this one. i feel so weak like there isnt anything that i could do to help myself.

I was happy with him. I never thought that having dinner with a co worker would have done so much harm. and yes he do have a trust issues with me. his words are "is not that i don't trust u is the guys out there that i don't trust." . he keeps telling me that he wants me back but he cant. Over a kiss, that i wasn't expecting.

Answer 1

But why do you want him back? I don't understand. You liked someone else, you want to go out without any hassle..is it just because your parents would have like you to marry him?  I mean it sounds like it all got very messy and from what you say, I think it's truly over...you have the chance to get on with your life and choose someone that may suit you more.  

Answer 2

OMG, you are such a shameless tease, wining and dinning that poor guy like that making him think he might get lucky only to shot me down at the of the night, tsk, tsk, tsk.

If he gets that possessive about you going out to a meaning less dinner like this how is he going to act if you actually get married. It is quite apparent that he will not change and if this is the case he will not or can not trust you find some guy who will.

Please disregard the first part of my answer it was just my feeble attempt at humour. And what ever happens I wish you the best of luck

Have a great life.

Answer 3

You just need to have a good chat with him about how much you love him. If he loves you, he'd want you back. If he doesn't want you back, then you need to just let go.

Answer 4

You need to ask yourself.  Would I marry him right now if he asked?  Afterall you have dated for 5 years.  If the answer is yes, absolutely then you need to tell him that you love him, you want to marry him and if he would ask you today you would say yes and be faithful to him always.  You cannot have any second thoughts in a marriage.  In life there are what ifs......  If you allow yourself to do that in a marriage or even a relationship, it will destroy it.  I guess you found that out and you found it out the hard way.  If you get a second chance you CANNOT ever go out to eat or anywhere with someone of the opposite s*x without him going.  I know several people will disagree with me and I will probably get several thumbs down but I don't care.  I am giving you my personal opinion of what to do if you not only want him back but want to stay with him and stay married eventually.  Good luck and I wish you the best.  Oh, one more thing.  Everything you have should be open to him if you get back together.  He should know the password to check messages on your phone and your email.  When you have nothing to hide, why does it really matter?  This will let him know how serious you are about being faithful to him and not hiding anything ever again.  I think the only people that get so worked up about their significant other looking through there stuff are people that have something to hide.  My husband and I both check each others stuff occassionally.  At this point it isn't the same reasons we checked in the beginning.  We both had been cheated on by other people so we both had trust issues.  Now it isn't because of that it is more out of convience.  For example his mom may write or call and leave it on his phone or email and if I left it up to him to call back it would be weeks, lol.  I hope you get my point.  Anyway, good luck!

Answer 5

Don't be so needy acting. Be friendly and if it is meant to be he will come back.  

Answer 6

If it was such a great relationship you shouldn't have cheated on him. And yes, you did cheat on him. I know you didn't have s*x with the other guy but you had dinner with him and didn't tell your boyfriend about it. It would be a totally different story, had you called ur bf and said "hey i'm going for dinner with a coworker, I'll see you later" or whatever.   If you can't tell him about something, it's because you have something to hide. So going on a date with someone was your first stupid mistake. The second was writing about it in your journal!  The kiss would never have happened if you weren't running around with the other guy. You yourself admitted that you liked the other guy.   I don't think there's any reason the guy should take you back, especially after you called the cops on him!  You should have let him keep your stupid phone for a day... or was there something else in there you didn't want him to see. Next time be HONEST.

Answer 7

You know, your boyfriend acted like a jerk.  Seriously.  Is this the sort of guy you want to have a future with?  One that won't trust you to have male friends or go to meals with co-workers?  And believe me, it was you he didn't trust.  After all, it was you he punished, right?

For someone to get this jealous over something so unimportant makes me think that maybe he's got a little something going on on the side, you know?  It's always the guilty ones who get so bent out of shape over suspected affairs.

I've been with the same guy for 25 years.  During that time there have been other men who have hit on me.  That's just what some men do, and it's what's going to happen to you.  My husband and I laugh about it, yours freaks out.  Which do you want?  Secure guy who you can be honest with and laugh with, or insecure guy who requires the police to return your property to you?

You're probably better off finding someone more mature.  But this period hurts a lot, like you say, so distract yourself, stay busy, get lots of exercise (it really helps your mood) and hope that the right new somebody comes into your life.  Good luck!

Answer 8

Tell him your honest opinion and he will understand. Tell him the truth and how you really feel about him and the other guy.

Answer 9

you talk with him or you find another boys... baci x*x

Answer 10

You say things were great with this fellow to me he seems a bit controlling. You guys have trust issues, that's one of the hardest things to overcome in a relationship. If there is no trust there is no relationship. Him looking at your journal and you having dinner with this other guy. You knew it was wrong otherwise you wouldn't have concealed it from him. Hopefully you two can work out your problems. Good Luck!

Answer 11

You cheated on him....that's pathetic....n then you come over here and try to gain sympathy and help from a bunch of strangers... IT WAS YOUR FAULT.... go and apologize NOW....

Answer 12

u guys been goin out for 5 years...u shud hv tld him abt it afta u went out wit d otha guy..instead of him findin it out thru ur journal...cz prob it mst hv reli hrt him reli badly to find out abt it thru ur journal ratha than u..n coz dat ..dats y he its hard for him 2 trust u..coz if u cant tel him dis kind of tings urself..wt else can u do...if u want him bak...i guess u guys jst gta wrk abt d trust issue 1st..n tel him hw u feel..n c hw it goes...gd luk

Answer 13

Try to ask yourself this:  Had you been out and your ex boyfriend had went out for a meal with a girl, and at the end of the night kissed him, how would you feel?   Probably betrayed, and that thing of trust was broken.    the best way to go about it is to write him a letter saying your sorry, and explain that you was only out as a friend thing, but something happened unexpectedly and it was only a thing of the moment, and you really regret it, and felt nothing in it.    Let him know you really like your ex, and are really sorry for what happened.  Ask for one more chance and tell him that relations are based on trust - now you know where the boundaries are you won't breach them again, also ask him to reply in the HANDWRITTEN letter (as it is more personal) and then leave it at that.   Don't bombard him with messages, texts and calls or it will put him off.   Hopefully given time, he will realize what he has lost and write back.   Good luck!

Answer 14

I'm sorru hunny, but the bottom line is you cheated on your boyfriend that you've been with for 5 years. There is nothing wrong with having lunch with a co-worker, but dinner and a kiss.........thats a no no girl, you don't do that. Yeah your boyfreind had no right searching through your stuff, but you had to have given him a reason to, otherwise he would have not did that. Sorry, but you messed it up.