URGENT HELP WITH POEM!!! IS THIS APPROPRIATE TO SHOW A GIRL SHE"S IMPORTANT TO YOU??!?

Question

My petals shed with a warm, shimmering glow;

Petals that hug;

a glow that'd keep you snug in this bitter snow;

Thorns that cling with a bite that grows ;

Which is why you'd I swear you'd never see me go.

Answer 1

No, I'm sorry. I just don't think reading that would make me feel very important to a guy.

The first 2 lines are okay. The last line seems a little conceited. What about "Which is why I'd swear you'll never see me go".

Answer 2

er NO!

i mean this line

Thorns that cling with a bite that grows ;

sounds like you find her clingy and snappy, not a good vibe to give out.

Answer 3

I don't like the line about the thorns, because it sounds harsh towards her. And I think the last line is supposed to be "why I swore you'd never see me go" or "why I swear you'll never see me go". The ending is kind of a mixed message. Isn't it silly to swear you'll never go, when you're definitely going to go? It might make sense to say something more like "why I'm with you even when I'm gone".

Overall, the beginning is lovely and the whole thing is a very sweet gesture. Girls love this sort of thing, and I'm sure she'll keep it close to her heart while you're gone. You could make it even more of a keepsake by writing it on a nice piece of stationary. Love letters look less like love letters to me when they're on looseleaf paper or something.

Oh, and you should tell her to read it by herself later, not in front of you. Nothing is more awkward than reading someone's poetry while they're standing right there waiting for a reaction.

Good luck!

Answer 4

thats cute :]

but make sure your girl is the type of person to appreciate it, dont give it to some girl who would be like "um ohkay? thanks i guess."

and it would be better if you put it some place that she'd find, than read it, and just KNEW it was from you.

don't be like "oh here i wrote you a poem. go on read it in front of me."

haha. you know what im saying?