Ummm. Is this poem not horribly... horrible?

Question

k... I just wrote this for bible class.... We had to write a Lament... so.... here goes...

I Trusted you with my heart.

I gave to you in a box

With a bow.

You took it.

And used it.

Then...You gave it back to me,

Beaten and bruised,

Worn and broken.

You stole from me,

Everything I needed.

You were a light to me,

But you faded away,

And left it so dark

I thought I was-

Blind.

It's raining now.

Or.

Is that just my tears?

I sit here in the darkness

With My bruised heart,

Wet and blind.

Waiting for another light.

Hoping it will heal my broken heart.

Hoping it will let me see.

Answer 1

I see you have studied Emily Dickinson -

I think its pretty good the end is a little sloppy though.

Answer 2

I gave you my heart

you broke it apart

why why (whaaa Whaaa!)

Do I even try.

Do you want to be the 3 millionth insipid versifier to waste paper and ink? Go take up tennis. Or write something for real.

Answer 3

What you wrote classifies as a lament. I never heard that a lament had to be written in beautifully rhyming sentences.

You made the point, don't beat up on your self, you've got enough problems already....(just kidding!)  Hang in there!

Answer 4

umm...how old are you?

Answer 5

Omg, I can't believe the others didn't like it! I thought that was soo creative and good! I wished I can write poems like that, I only know how to make songs..well be proud of it, if you like it then others will like it too! Great job!!!