Un-Supportive Partner & 10 Week Old Baby?

Question

Ive been with my partner for 4 years and we had a baby 10 weeks ago. Since then our relationship has been down hill. He has been staying out all weekend most weekends leaving me home alone with the baby (the baby also has very bad colic, so crys most of the time) when he does stay at home on the weekend he stays in bed until 4 in the afternoon. Whenever he is home from work he is on his computor so thats frokm about 5pm until 2am. He goes to work while im on maternity leave and he seems to throw that in my face all the time saying all I do is sit on my *** all day and he has been to work so he doesnt have to do as much. He has been sleeping in the living room so the baby doesnt wake him up he says its becuase he needs his sleep becuase he has work. When he gets home from work he then has a bath for 2 hours then when the baby does go to sleep thats when i start to clean and make her bottles up. If i ask him to do this so i can sit down for 5 mins he moans and will only make them up not wash and sterilise them. Ive tried talking to him but he is not the certain person to talk and just tells me to shut up so talking gets us no where. Ive tried shouting at him, ive tried asking nicely, and tried just not saying anything to see if he will doit himself but none of them work. I dont think he understands how hard and tiring it is looking after a baby 24/7 as much as I love doing things for her it would be nice to have some help when I need it. Sometimes i feel like just leaving him but I love him and I really want to try and make things work but I dont know how to get through to him. Any Advice?

Answer 1

I don't know how much of this is just since the baby came. But if he was like this before Did you talk and ask him to help before. Or has he changed?  Could he be feeling left out? in my very personal opinion he has no right. but the books say try and make an effort. My advice is stop doing any thing for him. No cookin and cleaning if he can't share the baby duties then you can't share the house duties.

Answer 2

don't let him use that he is working instead of you to make you feel guilty and don't let him use mind games with you. if he doesn't want to listen to your feelings then give him an ultimatum and do it so he gets the message. right now your hormones are reeling and you say you love him but sometimes a relationship needs more than just love. make a list of the things you want him to do for you to show that he is pulling his weight.

I feel bad for you in this type of situation but you have to stand up for your self and you do deserve a break because you have just had a baby and its not just your baby.

Answer 3

Sorry, but you won't get through to him. He is who he is, is fully aware of what it takes to raise a baby but chooses not to take part in it to the extent you feel he should. I understand you love him, but all the love in the world isn't going to bring about the change in him you want to happen.

Having a baby is not necessarily motivation for any man to change. He has to want to change. Sounds like he doesn't want to change. Nothing you can do about that.

Answer 4

Wow! Your partner is treated like a king. I have had 3 boys and the newest is 3 months. My wife and I pretty much share all of the responsibility. She works at night so I am the only one one at night. So of course I get up with him. I work during the day and she does everything then. I have read that the best way to deal with a rather selfish partner would be to leave them with the baby for a day. So then they will truly realize how much work it really is. If you don't think they could even do a day then maybe a few hours. Tell them you need a break. I'm guessing you did everything before and now you have even more to do. My wife and I both need sleep but that doesn't mean either of us are going to get it. You really should explain yourself to your partner.