Uncontrollable four year old!?

Question

Don't get me wrong, I love my little girl to death. But she has gotten completely out of control with her spoiled behavior and temper tantrums. I know that maybe I have contributed to this by letting her get her way in the past but she has gotten completely out of hand. Everything is a battle and she just seems to get more attitude as time goes on. She was never easy even as a baby but now as a very very verbal and sort of wise beyond her years for year old she is uncontrollable. If Mariella doesn't get exactly what it is that she wants there is kicking screaming throwing herself on the floor...normal tantrum stuff except that she takes it to a level I've never seen before. She also has this new thing where she will start holding her breath until she gets what she wants. Like, holding it until she starts turning purple. She won't listen to anyone. And best of all (not) her new thing is swearing. Apparently she discovered the words somehow and loooves to use them against us now. i can't

Answer 1

BEAT

HER

A   SS.

that is all.

Answer 2

uh , be the parent, and be incharge for once!

Answer 3

You can try to classic approachand talk to her.Sit her down and let her know what she is doing WILL NOT get her what she wants so its a lost cause in acting out. Also let her know that she is not being a very good big sister because she is setting a bad example for his siblings and she is suppose to be a big sister that shows them how big girls act.

If the talk does not work then I would move on to Time-Outs... Make her stand in the corner for a whiel depending on what she did and how she acted or sit her in a chair away from all activity,i.e., TV,siblings,toys,etc...

If that does not work then I would suggest a spank. If she is like my 4 yr old (who isnt as bad anymore but used to have absolutely HORRIBLE tantrums) then this is what had to be done in order for her to understand that her behavior was NOT going to be tolerated! When she would throw a tantrum she would get one spank on the butt and told what she did wrong and that was why she got the spank,or if she threw something she got a small smack on the hand and once again told why.Sometimes when they get so wild that nothing else works,a spank seems to let them know that you are boss and if you say no then that means no. A lot of chidren take it as if the only outcome of their behavior is a talk or a time out then they can do it again because thats not that bad of a punishment. I think it worked for my daughter because like you stated, I have let her get away with some things that I shouldn't have and I think that is why she acted out like she did and I used to not spank(its not that I thought it was bad...I just couldn't see myself giving my daughter a spank on the butt when she was bad) but after a while that is the ONLY solution I could come to so when I did start giving her a spank every now and again she knew that I must be serious considering I only do it when she is REALLY out of hand.

Try those technics and if nothing works then maybe you can talk to her Pediatrician and ask for advise on it...beleive it or not I once talked to my daughters ped and she also suggested the things I stated above and use the spank as a last resort when all else fails. If anything if she is so wild (which this was also reccomended but never got that far),give her an ounce of coffee in the morning which will give her a good energy boost and let her run it off/play it off and then the rest of the day when the rush dies down she will become more mellow instead of out of control. My husband's cousin did this with her wild daughter and she has been a GREAT kid every since.

I hope all gets better for you! Take your time and save your patience,because in these cases you really need it!

Answer 4

Have you ever watched "Supernanny"?

You should watch a few relevant episodes at supernanny.com and apply some of her techniques to your daughter.

Good luck!

Answer 5

This isn't much of an answer... more of an " I know how you feel".... my almost 4 yr old is out of control too! (a boy)

One minute he is sweet, the next he's tormenting his baby brother!  My pediatrician told me he is not getting enough sleep and also that he is at a tough age where he wants to be a big boy and also still wants to be a baby.  Combined with the sibling jealousy... it's lethal!

so, my suggestion is.... wine, lots and lots of it (for you of course)!  lol! :o)

Answer 6

Spanking will definitely help.  And putting her in her room until she calms down.  But remember that you are punishing her not to vent your anger or to take revenge ;)

Answer 7

There is never a reason to spank a child-- spanking is a "quick fix" that does nothing toward enhancing the child's self esteem. So please don't follow the spanking advice that some are giving you.

First, at four years old, I suggest you put her to work as the "older sister". Have her help with tasks such as setting the kitchen table for meals, helping to get diapers or wipes when changing the younger children's diapers, etc. because this will show her that she has a purpose, and a sense of responsibility. Further, it keeps her occupied, so she can't be unruly. Just explain that as the big sister, she could really help you so very much. Make it into a big deal-- showering her with praise every time she helps you, and even if a task is not done exactly right (such as she puts the plates on the table in the wrong spot) still thank her greatly for it and tell her how proud you are of her.

Children will continue to do the behaviors which gains them the most attention and the greatest praise, and the negative behavior will begin to disappear.

The next thing is this: At her age, consequences is a concept that she can understand. Positive behavior equals positive consequences. Negative behavior equals negative consequences. Allow her to choose which she wants. When she misbehaves, give her one warning, by getting down to her eye level, and firmly telling her "This behavior is not acceptable. This is your warning. If you continue this behavior there will be consequences." Then follow through by putting her in time out for about four to five minutes (the rule is one minute per year in the child's age).

Once the time out is done, get down to her eye level and tell her in a no-nonsense tone "You were put in time out for using bad language. That is not acceptable behavior. " Make her apologize for using the bad language, and then give her a hug and let her know you love her.

The reason the hugging and telling her that you love her is important, is because by doing that, you are helping her see that you love her, you don't love the behavior. This helps separate the two.

One more thing that I highly suggest: Set rules in writing and put the consequences in writing.

For example:

RULES

1. No using bad language.

2. No hitting others.

3. No throwing toys.

CONSEQUENCES

1. Time out

2. going to bed fifteen minutes earlier

3. Loss of television (or game) time

By setting it down in writing, there can be no discussions needed for the child-- they can not argue the point. Just simply say "you broke a rule, there is a consequence." But ALWAYS give a warning before imposing a consequence, because this allows the child to make the choice-- a good choice means the negative behavior stops, the bad choice is they continue and therefore accept the consequences.

Good luck to you, and if you ever have questions, please feel free to just ask some more, or contact me and I will offer whatever "knowledge" that I can.

Answer 8

I have a 4 year old also he used to have temper tanturms and all also. I did the same thing i wanted to be a cool mom and say yes to everything he he started to get really out of control. Like throwing things when i said no and stuff like that. What i started to do was have the time out and when he started to flip out i would just ignore him then when he was done he went to time out and it worked. Now he knows is he flips out he wont get any attention then he stops because he will go to time out. And the time would not start till he was quite and he used to **** there all day till he start to notice i wasnt paying attention. You should try that it may help.

Answer 9

Yeah, Supernanny is great. Get her books. They are so true and work very well!

You need to start disciplining your child obviously. But do not yell and scream at her, talk to her in a very stern voice and put into effect time out of you haven't already.

As for the swearing...don't pay any attention to it, the only reason she does it is to get attention from you, she will stop once she realizes it won't work anymore.

Answer 10

Sorry. There is no such thing as an uncontrollable four year old.

You are just not parenting the way she needs to be parented in order to learn.

Buy the book Taming Toddler's - it is just fantastic.

If you stick with a structured parenting program it may take a few weeks but she will adapt to it.

Good on you for recognising your part in this and looking for ways to change it.

BTW - My 2 year old also used to hold her breath and when she realised that yes, we would react to it so that she would take a breath, but NO we still would not give in to her - she stopped. She has not passed out for months now!

Answer 11

call super nanny u can get the number from watching it monday nights at 9 or 10 oclock on fox 55