Under the rib cage walls? poem?

Question

Under the rib cage walls ~

Under and behind these ribs cage walls

Lies something that will never grow old

So good, it should be in an exhibition hall

There lies, a heart made of love and gold

Go through the bone walls like a ghost

Sail in the vein path with a boat

Go up a few stairs, and get to the door

The door leading to the golden heart

Knock on there twice and ring the bell

Hop on in, and boom bang you are in my heart

Made entirely of gold, but painted with my blood

There is not a single crack in the walls, not any seen

The host, is analyzing every move you make

You are watching the walls, seeing no cracks

Walking around, observing the footsteps

Hoping with your own heart, to make it here

Now, the crucial moment comes

There is a wet cement path through the floor

You are placed in one end of it, anxiously waiting

The host comes into the room, about to announce

You did not let him talk you started walking

Knowing every step was crucial, taking them slowly

When you reach the end, the host has its mouth open

You wanted to walk in my heart, even if not allowed

After your unexpected move, you were kicked out

Left alone in the complete darkness of my thorax

Truth is, your steps were taken to a special room

But, in the same room, lies the biggest crack

my 8th poem, i am just 14. tell me what you think? what do you understand from it?

Answer 1

thats pretty good! you should go on a website called,

furaffinity.net. you can post your poems on there

and read other peoples poems. and some people will

comment on your poems. if you watch other peoples

pages then i guess they will watch yours.

i never go on there. my friend does. i'm not really good

at doing that stuff, so heres his link: (he has weird poems...)

http://www.furaffinity.net/user/rustwolf...

XD

Answer 2

it is good. and you're just 14.

i don't even know how to write good poems even though it was thought at school. XD

Answer 3

Well, at first you started out rhyming, but then you moved into a random and obscured scheme of just story-telling. I would assume the basis of the poem is around how you always have good intentions and try to never do any wrong, right? Well, it seems at the end that you're going on to explain that someone wanted to try and get you to fall in love with them, but turned out to be a fake, so in a sense you outcast them from your life?

You're pretty good for a 14-year-old, I think in a couple years you'd be really good. I actually started when I was 10, lol.

Answer 4

it didnt flow right when i was reading although there are sections that i liked.  but im no expert, sure other people on here would be more qualified to give you advice on how to improve

Answer 5

wow that's really good!

I'm not sure exactly what the meaning of it is- because I'm not very good at comprehending that kind of stuff- but i know it was something about love.

it is really well written and complex

good job :)

Answer 6

wow that was very good!!! and i like the rhyming!

btw thanks for responding to my poem! :)

Answer 7

thanks dude 4 answering my question but d**n!yours was so much better than mine.each line was so detailed.i loved how you put so much in it.could you give me tips and i'll work on those 4 other lines.by da way im 14 2