Ungrateful child?

Question

My daughter, I feel is very ungrateful, or maybe she is a normal 4 year old?? She will receive a gift, and say out loud that she does not like it. As about a week ago, a friend of mine stopped by that has not seen my daughters in a while and brought them gifts, stickers (she received Wonder Pet ones) and just a tshirt. Well instead of saying thank you she said I don't really like the Wonder Pets, and with the shirt she said oh I only like skirts and dresses. Then when I get her milk at Starbucks, I will give it to her, and most of the time unless it is strawberry/raspberry she will say I did not want this kind. Her twin sister on the other hand is very polite and says thank you, and if you ask her to do something she says of course. How do I get her to be more thankful for things? I have talked to her, and if I say her name, she will say you get what you get and you don't get upset, but it doesn't stick in her head, as the next time she is not grateful for what she has received.

Answer 1

This behavior is normal for most  4 year olds. My mom told me that, at my fifth birthday party, I yelled at everyone for not getting me what I wanted. I even threw a fit because someone bought me pants and (at the time) I ONLY wore dresses.

My mother never let me get away with that behavior. She would always pull me aside, get down eye level with me and speak to me like an equal. She would tell me that I was hurting other peoples feelings and was being very selfish and unkind. It took a while to sink in, but eventually I understood.

4 is still young, children are just starting to get out of the "ego" stage of childhood, so it's difficult to grasp that their actions are negatively effecting others.

To help, you ought to pull her aside and let her know when her behavior is not acceptable, but praise her when she is kind and good. Positive reinforcement. If you stay on top of her, she'll turn out just fine, but don't forget to praise your other daughter as well. Or else the tables will turn and the good girl will turn sour right as you get the other to behave.

Good luck!

Answer 2

Tell her if she doesn't like it, to just say thank you and then you will give it to her sister.

Or if she tells the person she doesn't like it, just give it back to the person and say since she doesn't appreciate it she doesn't get the gift.

Answer 3

Wow, that's a tough one.  Honesty is a good thing but she is only 4.  I guess I would just start letting people know not to give your one daughter anything, even it if means saying to a friend who is standing there ready to give her something...'sorry but she does not like to get gifts (or whatever else it may be), but thank you anyway'.  I guess my focus would be not on what it object is but that pleasure of getting a surprise.  As far as giving her any choice she wants (the milk for example)  if she asks for one thing and then changes her mind once you've gotten it...she would be out of luck.  State firmly, 'this is what you asked for, this is what you get' and don't back down.    

You don't want to label her as a brat and tell her that she's a brat, that tends to stick but you have to remember who the adult is and be consistent.

Answer 4

I would role-play gift-giving with her periodically until you're sure she has learned how to respond appropriately.  Emphasize that it hurts someone's feelings when they try to do something nice for her and she doesn't give a nice thank you.  You can make the role-play silly and encourage her to think of a nice thing to say even when it's hard to think of something (Aunt sue just gave you a nicely wrapped mud-ball! "Oh thanks, Aunt Sue, I never got a present like that before!").  Eventually it will stick.  You can practice those kind of skills at the dinner table, too (with a lot of practice you can make sure it's an ingrained habit to say thanks when people pass foods, etc.).  

This isn't something that most 4-year-olds have mastered by any means, but it's certainly something to be working on.

Answer 5

Show her that some people in the world aren't as fortunate as she is and that she should be thankful for what she has. Tell her that she should always say thank you when  people give her things even if she doesn't like them.

Answer 6

discipline her. dont get her something if she isnt polite. dont let her take advantage of you, it doesnt matter if shes 4

Answer 7

at that age the word I don't like is real famous

she will grow out of it

Answer 8

shes 4......some kids just know social boundaries a little better, try telling her when she says things like that it hurts peoples feelings, but really...honesty is the best policy

Answer 9

She is 4 years old and spoiled obviously.  Children have to be TAUGHT to say please and thank you.  You buy your child milk at StarBuck's and you wonder why she is spoiled?  When MY children acted spoiled (didn't thank someone for a gift) the gift was handed back to the person who brought it and they were told to return it to the store until the child could remember her manners.  Your daughter is four years old...she isn't going to remember the lectures you give her.  She is too young to grasp the concept of your lectures, and probably gets bored.  Small children learn by WATCHING and they learn by actions...not by lectures.  She isn't a mineature adult she is a small child and YOU have spoiled her.