Unhappily Married but torn about leaving?

Question

Ive been married for 8 years and about 18mths ago my husband and I almost broke up due to his controlling behavior I decided to try and make it work and he has got better but it is is nature, but I find myself unable to love him like I used to. I almost had a nervous breakdown and havent really recovered. I recently caught up with an old friend who was very close to my family growing up and I feel he is my soulmate and I have begun to feel very deeply about him and he feels the same (we have not been physical).But I am hesistant to tell my husband how I am feeling because his father is dying and I dont want to break him or add to his familys troubles. But this is beginning to tear me apart and I dont know what to do please help.....

Answer 1

don't waste any more time...life's too short...do what you want no matter what.

Answer 2

Honesty is ALWAYS the best policy no matter what's going on in your husbands life. This is both of your lives here and the clock is ticking for both of you. Not only are you cheating yourself out of precious time here by not coming forward you are also cheating him. The sooner you come clean on this the sooner you both can move on.  

Answer 3

You really should just tell him . I understand that his father is dying

but it wont be any easier on him if his father passes .

Either way he will be upset at the news .

In short why prolong the inevitable ? You are unhappy and you are no longer in love with your husband . To stay with him just because his father is dying is unfair to you and him .

And you said that you almost had a nervous breakdown so staying with him is also risking your health .

It just isn't worth all of that .

You need to ask yourself which is more important your health and happiness or his hurt feelings .

Getting over a broken marriage is a lot easier to recover from than a nervous breakdown . Trust me , Been there done that .

I had a complete nervous breakdown while with my first husband a little over 20 years ago and I still don't think I have fully recovered from it . A full blow nervous breakdown really takes a toll on you .

If nothing else treat this like you would a band aid , the faster you get it over with the better .

Do it for yourself . You at least deserve that much . Right ?

Best wishes

Answer 4

His father is dying, and you are dying inside too. Telling the truth is really hard but rewarding at the end. Do not stay only because you feel guilty. You will be destroying both lives: yours and his. Make sure that this guy you are in love with is the right one. Sometimes we believe in someones feelings only because we feel for them in the same way. It's easy for people to say that marriage is for ever. But you know what? Life is not. It would be nice that we stayed in love for ever. Love can last forever, but it's obvious your husband is working for the opposite to happen. He got what he planted for. His controlling habit means that he cannot control himself. Do not be surprised that he cheated before. Do not ever tell him that you did if you did. And please, do not follow any people's advice. It's confusing and nothing good will come out of it.  

Answer 5

Your a s**+tty wife!

Answer 6

When you care about the other person and how they may cope it is very hard to leave. You cannot stay just to make your husband happy, I'm sure he wouldn't want you to stay just because you felt sorry for him. It is very hard and almost impossible to live with someone who is controlling. You have to be your own person and you have probably almost lost your own identity during your marriage. You need to be completely honest with your husband, tell him exactly how you feel and that you only have feelings for him as a friend and it would be best if you went your separate ways. This is going to hurt him, but you have to be true to yourself and you need to find happiness. Life is too short and we only get one crack at it, this is not a dress rehearsal. Make the most of it and Enjoy your life. I know, because  

Answer 7

You dont need to tell him about the new guy but please dont cheat. Leave if you need and get a divorce but dont cheat or it will cause issues forever with the new guy. He needs to respect you not worry you will cheat on him someday. Its not your fault if you have fallen out of love due to his controlling issues. Just tell him you are not inlove and want to end it. Dont waite becasue there will always be a reason not to do it.

Answer 8

s*x,what else?

Answer 9

you need to do whats best for you. you could bring a separation first and still be there to help out with his father. afterwards when your away from him bring up a divorce. you deserve to be happy to. even though you might feel compelled to stay for his father if he is an adult there can be a way to separate and still be there for support. good luck.

Answer 10

Remember those vows you took in front of God. Till death due you part. Marriage is not suppose to be temporary like so many selfish people today think it is. Grow up!

Answer 11

Well honestly you can't just hide your feelings forever.

That will hurt you and your husband if you don't tell him how you feel.

Even if it hurts you must tell your husband about his controlling problems and that he needs to change.

About your childhood friend is that you should ask him and get information on how he feels about you. This may sound really immature but it works.   Write down the pros and cons about being with your friend.

Then do the same with your husband.

And follow your heart and instinct.

Hope I helped!

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