Unhappy Adoptees = unhappy life??

Question

I'd like to hear from adult adoptees that were unhappy with their adoption experience, but are since very happy with their lives today...

To say that an unhappy adoptee is an unhappy adult seems ridiculous, I for one had about the worst adoption experience availible, yet in my adult life, I'd say I'm incredibly happy.

Show me I'm not alone !!

Answer 1

actually for me no i'm still not happy. i try but i'm still getting picked on. My mother likes to wait until she thinks i'm doing good and then smack me with another cheap shot whenever she gets a chance.

She adopted me knowing how she felt about black people so i became the center of the black jokes. when i got older and had my son she started in on him so i moved so that she couldn't come to my house ( i live on the 3rd floor she's handicap) Now i have to lug groceries up 3 flights of stairs just to have peace.

She has disowned me twice last year one because i didn't trust her with my son after he came home after asking my mother if she liked black people and she told him as long as they stay out of my way. Then had the nerve to tell it back to me like it was funny.

Then she started writing me letters about how it was my fault she has all of the genetic diseases that she has (the rest is probably punishment for torturing me ) So i stopped going to get my mail which started a fight with my mail lady so now i just don't get mail.

she started calling me. she'd be nice for a couple months and then one day she would just go off for whatever reason. I ruined her life. (she got disowned for adopting me and then named me after the people that disowned her and my birthmother but i ruined her life?) i got rid of my land line and got a cell phone and if i don't know the number i don't answer.

she started e-mailing me. for some reason i can't ignore the e-mails. it's like an adiction to punishment. i can't not read them because then i can't defend myself but when i read them i'm crying for the next week. once i changed my e-mail adress but then i gave up cause she started writing me from another one. the last one i got was two days ago.

i can honestly say that if she would just leave me alone i could probably be a happy adult. I was starting to become one after she disowned me. not at first i was very depressed because with out her i have no family. she kept her family seperate from me so i have no relationship with any of them. it was just me and my son alone. that was very depressing for me but when i came out of it i was  the happiest i have ever been in my life. I finally felt free of her.

i made the mistake of telling her that i found my mother. that opened a door back up. she was very nice to me last month until i told her that i haven't been able to talk to my mother yet. so she e-mails me tuesday and basically makes me feel completely worthless. so i guess i can say one day i will be a happy adult. right now no.

Answer 2

I agree that the two don't necessarily go together.. I'll buy that..

But are you sure that's what anyone has tried to say??

ETA:

Hello my anti-fans!! I'd miss you SOO much if you didn't show your presence by thumbing down an answer that agrees with the asker.. Thanks for letting me know you care ROTFLOL>.

Answer 3

I'm unhappy about some parts of my youth - especially the way in which my adoption was treated - secrecy, lies, little to no understanding of what it means to lose one's first family - and the talk of 'just get over it' that was drummed into my head on a regular basis.

I'm currently unhappy that so many adoptees are not allowed their truth - because of sealed records.

I'm unhappy how so many adoptees - ALL adoptees - no matter the experience - are told they should be grateful for being born - often by rude, uncaring, uneducated, immature gits.

But me - I'm a barrel of laughs IRL - I have a wonderful husband (been married 18 yrs), 3 gorgeous daughters, I'm currently studying for the profession I've always wanted to be in (teaching) and I have oodles of wonderful friends.

Yep - incredibly happy with life.

Just not happy about the treatment of adoptees in general - and I shall never stop to advocate on their behalf.

Answer 4

Of course you aren't alone and you are the judge of if you are happy or not.

Don't let other people throw their #&$* on you.

I know lots of people who had horrible, abusive childhoods and are wonderful, happy, giving people.

Answer 5

I hope my input is ok here.  Y'all know I wasn't adopted, but I did have a pretty crappy childhood and young adulthood.  I was abused in just about every imaginable way.  I am a very happy adult, in spite of all that has happened in my life.  I don't have to be happy about my childhood circumstances to be a happy adult.  I don't have to have "gotten over" the abuse in order to be happy most of the time.  I don't have to "forget" about the horrible things that have happened to me to have a positive outlook.  I've removed some people from my life who hurt me, and I work every day on improving my life, my outlook, my disposition, and my service to others.  

I've also known (personally and professionally) many, many people who have had horrible lives (adoptees and non-adoptees), and generally speaking, they were ALL happy people, who had bad days now and then.  Much like normal people in fact, lol.

I recall this girl I worked with who was abandoned by her AP's while in a residential treatment facility.  She was a great kid, she had the most awesome personality, and for the most part, she was happy.  Of course, it hurt her to her very core that she was being abandoned for a second time...but she was wise beyond her years, and she knew it wasn't about her.

Answer 6

You rock Samone!

The farther I get away from my adoption and childhood, the happier I am.

I am a happy adult in a happy marriage to my best friend, and are raising three very emotionally healthy children.

I am happy in spite of my adoption!

Answer 7

And this isn't beating a dead horse?

Answer 8

I wasn't always happy with my adoptive parents, but I tell you what....

I was happy to have to put up with them rather than live in a youth home and deal with all the c**p they had there....

Now I've come to appreciate the sacrifice that my adoptive parents made for me, and I love them even more now than ever.  

I guess that's what their goal was for me...and for them. :)

Answer 9

happy adoptees=happy life

Answer 10

You're not alone, Samone.  I did have a rough beginning.  I was relinquished at 13 months into foster care.  I got adopted at two years old.  My amom was a good mom.  I rarely talk about my afather here, but I will for this one.  He was very rough on my amom, my abrother and me.  He was that way toward most people in life, though.  Not that he didn't have some finer moments and qualities -- most people do -- but his abuse was hard for everyone to handle.  That, along with the difficulties my amom told me I already had due to the relinquishment and adoption, made for a rough time emotionally during childhood.    

However, I basically kept myself clean and excelled academically.  I moved away from the drama of my afather at 18 to go to college.  

Long story short -- I am often quite taken with how I could have a difficult start and yet end up with such a content life today.  I have a good job, I enjoy continuing my education and most importantly, I have a great husband, 2 terrific grown step-sons and a circle of fine friends.  I also have a wonderful relationship with my first family, with whom I reunited 6 years ago.  The sad thing is that my amom passed away 3 years ago, and I miss her a lot.  Sometimes I still wish I could just call her on the phone.  But, I know that this is a normal part of life -- losing loved ones to death.

I wouldn't call my adoption experience really bad or really good. I had one good AP and one not so good AP.  But, I really like the life I have today.  

My biggest beef with adoption is the issue of equal rights for adoptees.  Knowing that I have the right to be treated as an equal citizen by my state has nothing to do with whether or not I had good or bad AP's, though.  

I also do not think it's right that in our society children and families are viewed as so interchangeable.  Honestly, I believe I would feel this way whether I had been adopted or not.  I just don't believe that separating people from their own flesh and blood is something to be taken lightly.

I also know that there is corruption in adoption.  There is corruption in other industries as well.  But, with adoption, we're talking about corruption in an industry that deals with the lives of children and families.  That's a big deal.

Being able to see the flaws inherent in adoption and in the adoption industry aren't about whether or not I liked my adoption or not, though.  That's just silly and illogical. Having the bests AP's in the world wouldn't have changed the fact that there are flaws in adoption, corruption in the adoption industry and that the laws in some states discriminate against adoptees.  These situations are not at all dependent on the AP's that I, Laurie, happened to have, and would exist no matter who my AP's were.

ETA:

LOL -- you can't catch a break with some people.  They thumb you down for being happy now!  Oh, well, shows that they must not be too happy, I guess.  Too crazy.