Uninvited bridesmaid….saw bride with another guy...Can I expect to be reimburse?

Question

I was asked to be a bridesmaid for my brother-in-laws wedding a year before the wedding, the Bride and I have never been very close so it was a shock she even asked me but I agreed to be in the wedding. The night before I hosted a huge bachelorette party for the bride (that cost me over $550.00) I ran into her at a concert with another guy. She avoided me and never answered any of my text messages for the rest of the night. The next night she showed up to the party like nothing happened. The maid of honor (her sister) and the other bridesmaid (grooms sister) showed up 3 hours late to set up for the party. At the end of the night I decided to ask her who she was with and if the groom knew she was there with this guy? She said yes. Everything seemed to be okay the next few days. I sent her pictures from the party and emailed and text each other. The Bridal shower was the following weekend. Mid week I received two phone calls, one from a mutual friend and one from the groom. They both were asking me if I was telling everyone that she was with a guy. (I did not) So after these calls I decide I was not going to make it to the shower but I would prepare all the games and make all the food, drinks and prizes I had previously committed to. I decided to send them with the grooms sister. The next day I received a call from the bride saying she could not count on me to show up to the wedding so I was not in the wedding any more. This is 10-days before the wedding. At this point I have already spent over $750.00 on parties and gifts. I apologized for the sake of my husband and brother-in-laws relationship. The Bride text messaged me and asked if I would sell her my dress. I told her sure you can buy it for the amount I have spent so far on the wedding $650.00 (I deducted the gifts). So I need advice and help. My husband, the grooms brother, is the best man for the wedding and that makes me obligated to show up to the wedding. I feel that the bride should reimburse me for all my expenses, since the bride is the one who has asked me not to be in the wedding. What do you all think?

Should I be reimburse for my expenses and who should I send the bill to?

Answer 1

Sounds to me like you did the right thing. I think you should send the bill to her if she refuses to give your money back I would take it to small claims.. But I might do it after the wedding because of your husband and his brother in laws relationship.

Answer 2

wow. i would have to say first off tell your husband the whole story.. then let the bride know how much she owes you. you should absolutely get your money back.

i dont see why you should have to try and apologize for the sake of their relationship. wouldnt they appreciate it more if he found out she was potentially cheating on him before this mistake of a wedding costs them alot more than 650.. buts till get ur money back, some popcorn, and watch the show cuz im sure this will all end up being very interesting.

im curious to see how shell end up acting around y ou from now on. what if she doesnt want to go to any more family events that ull be at.. too bad she doesnt care about the family relationship..  

Answer 3

For the sake of your husband and his relationship with his brother you should just let it go.  Be the bigger person.  You don't want your husband's relationship to suffer with his brother because their wives can't get along.  At least if you are graceful about this, it can't be viewed as your fault.  

Answer 4

Realisticaly and unfortunately, I think you should just suck it up and call it a loss. There's no sense in creating a family issue with your husbands side. I do think it was petty of you to bail on her shower as a bridesmaid. No matter who she was with or what was said, it's not your sister or your marriage. Who's to say she was the one saying anything about you telling people she was with another guy. Maybe another guest at the party overheard you and starting talking...it sounds to me like you've embarassed her quite a bit. Not intentionally!!! But you not showing up to the shower screams :family wedding drama" and people's lips start flapping.  

Chalk it up to an expensive lesson.  

Answer 5

At this point to try and keep peace in the family I would only ask for the cost of the Dress and shoes.  The other money for parties and showers I would write off.

Answer 6

Sell her the dress for the cost you bought it for with your blessings-she's going to need them Talk to your husband about everything in private so he knows whats going on. Chalk the rest  of the monies up to the insanity of family. If you try to get all of it back you will be blamed for something as she sounds like a case who should not be married. Its not worth the problems that might spring from it. I would be more concerned about my relationship with my husband and family.

Answer 7

Well, as you willingly spent the money you did, you can't demand that she pay you back. But I would ask her to reimburse me, if she refuses, then so be it, but if she wants your dress back, she'll have to pay.  

Answer 8

reimburse for all your expenses and send it to the bride, you did the right thing.

Answer 9

small claims court

Answer 10

I think you're kind of SOL on this one, just because you did agree to be in the wedding.

However, I find it incredibly strange that the other bridesmaids (especially the MOH) haven't helped you financially. If I were you, I would call them all up, or sent them a friendly e-mail, that says you've spent this much so far, and you would appreciate any help with financials. That's definitely more than fair, especially since the MOH is the one who's supposed to take control of these types of things. It should never fall on one person financially though.

The dress situation I also think is fair. If she wants to buy your dress, you gave her a price. End of story.

however, you cannot, under any cirumstances, ask the BRIDE for money back for her bachelorette party or shower. That's just going to make you look bad, unfortunately. Even though she's acting horribly, there's no rule saying that the bride should reimburse the bridesmaid to agreed to be in her wedding for all party expenses. While I'm not expecting a free ride at showers and parties for my own wedding, many people know it's understood that the bride doesn't pay for things at these kinds of events.

Asking the other bridesmaids is your best bet.

Answer 11

If you are out of the wedding, you don't have to go, even if your husband is in the wedding.  To be honest with you, I'd be mad if my husband stayed at the wedding after the obligatory stuff was over anyway (not to mention that you may not be invited; did he get an invitation?)

As for the refund, I wouldn't hold my breath.  Be glad that they want to buy the dress from you because that is probably the only money you will actually see.  Also, I would be sure to call the other bridesmaids and ask for their portion of the hosting costs if they haven't paid them yet.  If they don't pay up, gently ask the bride to nudge them after the wedding, making sure that you remind her how important it was to her that people be reliable and do as they say they will.  

Have a fun holiday season this year! :-)

Answer 12

Yes, I think you should be reimbursed for the dress and shoes because her issues were caused by HER.  She knows it.  She knows she was with another guy, otherwise, she wouldn't hesitate to tell her guy who she was with.   Realize you have a snake in your midst and act accordingly. Her little stories to the mutual friend and the groom should tell you that.

Answer 13

Speak with your mother-in-law regarding this situation.  I can easily imagine that some of the bridesmaids and maid of honor felt that you should bear the burden of the cost due to the fact that you are more closely related to the bride, unless everyone is related?  I've seen this happen in weddings before, especially if the people marrying are in their young 20s.  Most of the poor kids can barely afford the clothes for the wedding, let alone the parties!

In any event, advise your mother-in-law and her daughter that cash is tight for you and your husband and you would like to be reimbursed for some of the pre-wedding expenses now that you have been kicked out of the wedding party.  Advise her that you'll eat the cost if absolutely necessary, but you would prefer not to be left hanging for this amount if you are no longer part of the bridal party.  With your husband's sister being a part of the wedding party, she should be able to explain the rest of the situation to you and your mother-in-law.

Best wishes!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 14

You won't like this, but the quickest and most painless path here is to just eat the bill, sell the dress for cost, and show up at the wedding and be nice.  It sounds to me like there is a piece to this puzzle that you do not yet have, and you may never learn what it is. Some things just work that way. It's how we care for and feed our family secrets!  If you make any attempt at a reckoning, it will probably be misunderstood as aggression, and things will get even worse.  Glide through this and maintain your dignity and grace and you will be better for it in the long run.  

Answer 15

i guess you should send the bill to the bride.... you should definately get your money back!!!!

Answer 16

You should have respected her answer about the guy.  What if it was a good friend or cousin or such?  It does sound like you started rumors - even if that wasn't your intent and you did not show up to the shower.  You could have shown up and done your part for family harmony but you didn't - it just solidified people's opinion about you starting rumors.  So, no, you don't get reimbursed.  You show up as a guest, smile pretty, play the part and try not to ruin anyone's time at the wedding.  Let's hope you have learned something from the event.

Answer 17

You can ask but there is nothing legaly binding that would make her pay.  

Answer 18

First off you really over stepped your boundaries when you confronted her about it. That being said you should get paid for all of this I don't think I would go if I were you. If they don't pay you go to small claims court! Or for your husbands sake just take it as a loss.