Unruly child or poor parenting? Please answer 3 questions...?

Question

There is a girl in kindergarten who has the same bus stop as my daughter (also in kindergarten). She runs around for the fun of it which I think isn't too weird, but when her mom tells her to stop she dosn't stop. She seems maybe a little socially delayed or sheltered. Anyway today she refused to get on the bus and she was crying and her mother was physically shoving her on the bus. She even got on the bus and spanked her. In the end the child would not get on the bus, and the bus left. All of this happened in plain sight of the children on the bus, parents at the bus stop and the stopped traffic. This used to happen at the beginning of the school year everyday!

Q-I am going to report the incident to the police later today. Is ther any reason I shouldn't?

Q-Is the bus driver required to be reporting this?

Q-The mom has invited my daughter to play with the little girl this summer. I will not have my child over at their house no way! Would you let your kid play in a house like?

Answer 1

1. What is there to report?

Im pretty sure more than half the population of parents spank their children, and its not considered abuse.

2. No. This is not the bus drivers job, their job is to safely get the kids to school, not report a parent for spanking her willful child. Bus drivers report kids TO their parents for being disrespectful, not the other way around.

3. You really cant judge the type of environment that the little girl lives in, but its your decision if you dont want your daughter to go over to her house.

Answer 2

Question 1, the police can't do anything in most states, unless there are physical marks left on the child.  Sounds like the mother needs a helping hand, not a visit from police.

Question 2, The bus driver only has to report it, depending on the state, if they feel the spanking crossed the line to abuse.  Did the mother weild a belt and smack away, or was it a quick swat?

Question 3, I don't think your daughter should go over to the mother's house, because she obviously does not have a good level of control over her daughter and the kids could get hurt.  I wouldn't worry about the mother smacking your child, unless there is more to the story that you either aren't telling us or don't know.

This mother needs someone to help her define limits for her child and stay the line.  If the mother is absent for long periods of time for work or other reasons, she won't have good control over the girl.  Maybe you should invite the little girl over to your house, make sure she knows your limits and rules and make it clear that violations of your rules result in time outs or invitations to leave, then keep strictly to those rules.  Kids crave structure and you probably will have the little girl over at your house more often than you may want, but know you are helping the girl in the long run.

Answer 3

1- I don't think you should report this. Lots of parents spank their kids it's just like be grounded except with all the pain. It was wrong for her to spank her child,but it doesn't mean you should start reporting. If she does leave marks when she spank her child then the school will deal with it.  



2- I don't think the bus driver will be reporting this. It's his job to drop off the kids at school safely not reporting parents. So I 'm sure the bus driver won't report the child's mother.



3- Well maybe so ,but I would be there to supervise my child. The spanking part was just discipline and maybe other parents you happen to know might be spanking their children too,  privately.  So if anything happens to your little girl there just report the mother if you think it's the right thing.

Answer 4

Let me tell you something, I have a 6 and a 5 year old . My six year old is an angel and I have never had to discipline him. Always listens and behaves appropriately. My 5 year old is a different story. He is EXACTLY what your describing of this little girl. He is the polar opposite of my 6 year old. He is BAD. I don't think you realize how difficult and stressful it is for a parent when your child is like this. Do I spank my child when he acts up like this girl...YES. Do I spank my child in public places infront of other people.....ABSOLUTELY, if it is needed. And, if someone stuck there nose in my business and reported me to the police, I would sue them in a heartbeat for slander. What this mother is doing is not abuse, unless your leaving something out. That is the problem with children these days, they aren't getting the proper discipline.

Answer 5

Would you rather the parent allow to child to stay home because she had a temper tantrum? Or would it best for the mom to hold up traffic for 30 mins while the child calms down and gets on the bus her self? In this kind of situation, forcing the child on the bus is the only one to get them on. As for the child running around, she needs to release energy. She is still very young, and may a little under developed, meaning she still has the energy of a 3 year old even though she is older. This is not the say the parent shouldn't make an effort in stopping the child. She should, but she may also think that because the child will be inside a lot and sitting, why not let her run a little, As long as she is not running into traffic or hurting any one. As for your daughter playing with her. I would let her. She needs to learn not every one in the world acts or is raised like she is, and even though they are different she can accept those differences and be friends. This is a good foundation for later in life.

Answer 6

1. What if someone decided they would report you for the way you disciplined your child? She evidently has a problem child on her hands.. she doesn't need a problem parent on her back too.

2. If the bus driver suspects ABUSE.. then yes they have to report it. However, if the bus driver also knows that the lady was just getting on to her child because she was being terrible.. then the driver is probably GLAD the parent corrected her.

3. I would not let my child go over there and play alone. Not in a million years. However.. it sounds like this mom may need some encouragement and it wouldn't hurt for someone to try to befriend her instead of ridiculing her parenting skills.

Answer 7

1. I absolutely do not think you should report this. I personally don't spank my kids and never would, but I do believe people have the right to (with their hand, over the pants) and doing so is NOT sufficient reason to put a parent through the h**l of an investigation by child services. Let people raise their own kids and unless there is evidence of REAL abuse or neglect, leave them alone and keep the cops out of it.

2. No, the bus driver probably isn't required to report it, b/c there's nothing to report.

3. Yes, I would let my child play with that mother's unless my daughter came home telling me things that were actually disturbing, like the mom was beating her kid with a belt or drunk at 11 am or putting some weird powder up her nose.

Answer 8

why are you calling the police??  you havent said anything that should alarm you?  spanking isnt illegal and it sounds like the little girl wasnt minding her mother and her mom was just trying to get her on the bus.   Not all kids just stand still and get on a bus with no emotion at 5 years of age - she is a baby.  I think you need to stop being so judgemental of others and mind your business - this child could be taken away from this woman if you call - and you havent given any good reason????   Its not like she just left her at the busstop unattended.

Answer 9

I also have an unruly son and doesn't listen when I say stop doing something.  He is very difficult to get under control and makes me want to lose my mind.  I can definitely feel for the mother of that unruly child you described.  My son can be quite embarrassing to take in public or go to a restaurant with, so we usually just don't go out that much.

#1  I honestly don't think you should report the incident to the police.  Put yourself in that mother's shoes and how would you feel if your kid acted that way?

#2  I don't think the bus driver has anything to report.

#3  It would be unfortunate to not invite the little girl to play.  It's not fair to punish her because she cannot control herself.  You may find that she is a totally different child when she is busy having fun with other children. I know my son is when he is playing with other children.

I can totally relate to this mother and feel her pain.  My husband and I think that perhaps our son has ADHD as he is constantly on the go and cannot sit still for any length of time.  There has been many times when we are out in public where he has acted out so badly that it has brought me to tears.  Makes me feel like a failure as a parent.

Answer 10

report what to the police? that she spanked her daughter for not getting on the bus?...unless there are more details you are not giving I don't see how this is bad enough for police involvement.

Answer 11

Strong willed children can wear a parent out. The mother needs your encouragement not yet another person making her life difficult.

Answer 12

Running around at the bus stop is natural, kids love to run and play. However, the mother getting on the bus and spanking her child in full view is inappropriate. Don't report her for abuse, but I would say to keep an eye on her.

Answer 13

first of all it's her child and spanking is not against the law and second of all what would you do if your child is acting like that how do youthink the mom feels say out of it it is none of your business , and why would she hit your child? you need to smarten up it's a form of parenting and that child is bad.

Answer 14

no, i  would not report it.  spanking is not against the law.  

the bus driver may be requred to report this.

no, i would not let my child go over there during the summer. my son has his own bad habits, no need for him to go learn more.

that mother is not being consistant with punishments.

Answer 15

Q1. I'm not sure what it is that you're going to report, but if all she did was spank her child, that doesn't sound like anything terrible. I don't agree with the manner she did it in (in front of everyone) but all of us parents go through different things with our kids, and some kids need to be handled differently than others.

Q2. I don't that the bus driver is required to report it. I think they're required to report child abuse, but it doesn't sound like there was any abuse going on. Spanking is not against the law.

Q3. Well, I wouldn't let my child play anywhere that I didn't feel comfortable with going. You don't sound comfortable so I would say no. You are also making this lady sound like a terrible person though for spanking her child, and in my opinion that doesn't make her a terrible person and doesn't necessarily make it a bad household.

Answer 16

I would not report the incident

If the bus driver suspects child abuse, yes he is required to report the incident.

I think you should let your daughter go over to play but YOU should be there to supervise as well.  Explain to your daugther that she is expected to behave in a certain manner.  If your daughter starts doing things that the other girl does, then stop her and say "in our family we don't do that....we do...'whatever'."

Answer 17

I'm thinking your being way to judgmental, why in the world would you cal the police because she spanked her child, give me a break.  Fine if you don't want your child playing with the girl.  You make it sound like their house might be a some kind of torture chamber.  Or is it because the girl might be delayed?  My suggestion is worry about parenting your own kids, not everyone else's.

Answer 18

Q - Follow your instincts.  If you feel the mother's behavior crossed the line, by all means report it.  The social worker can ask the bus driver for his/her input.

Q - The bus driver will have to make his/her own personal call on this, just as you have had to do.

Q - No way in h**l would I let my child over at their house.  I'd be more scared of the mother than the daughter.  Invite her to your house instead.  Invite the mother too if you think she might learn a few parenting tips from you.

Answer 19

1. Why should you report the incident? The child is a brat and she got a spanking, I don't think that warrants police involvement. It doesn't sound as if the mother was abusing the child (a swat on the behind is not child abuse) so I don't think it's any of your business.

2. While bizarre, it doesn't sound like something the bus driver would be required to report.

3. I don't know the mother, but if you are even just a little bit uncomfortable then do not let your daughter go to their house!

Answer 20

1)  Why should you call the police?  Wouldn't you say that's going a bit overboard?

2)  Reporting what, exactly?  You may not agree with spanking, but it isn't against the law.  If she punched or abused her in some way, that would be a different story.

3)  I wouldn't let my child go over to her house.  It sounds like the child is unruly and that the mother doesn't really have a handle on discipline and how to deal with problem situations.