Until i leave how am i supposed to handle peoples aloofness, unfriendlyness & general coldness ?

Question

ive had a horrendous life so far, suffered so much, bullying and victimisation, had many rage and aggression problems that ive made great improvements with.

have a long psychiatric record, im now 30, i also have a minor criminal record.

i live in a 1 bedroom apartment on disability, im waiting to see if ill get group therapy.

i have an injured ankle, torn ankle ligaments which i was told will take time to heal..

a dermatological problem on my p***s , cracked skin.

ive missed out on ever being employed , never formed any relationships , never gained any qualifications - i missed out on all of that stuff.

i have alot of catching up to do and im at many disadvantages.

i have borderline personality disorder and ptsd, i get very paranoid, insecure , struggle with rage and aggression......can disocociate when i go out....like zoning out........suffer severe anxiety.

my psychiatrist told me that meds wont help but the best way to go is some sort of therapy, so i went for the assesment for group therapy.

my goals are that i plan to leave england for good, with a good paying computer job......i imagine it will be a big thing to reach for in my circumstances.......but im not letting go of that ambition

my top goal no matter what is to leave the uk, finnish up somewhere quiet and coastal.

meanwhile in the present, and for a while people, the public, act very aloof towards me......i noticed im watched by store workers......security guards......people exchange ' knowing ' glances whenever i enter the environment.

i get abrupt tones from people, unfriendly vibes....intrusive glances and stares......aloof ness........a rejecting society........almost as im being treated as some outcast.

this has been happening for a long time now but ive tried to ignore it, but its not going away.

btw i struggle to form any relationships with people in general because i have severe low self esteem......get intimate to soon....get clingy...act all insecure and desperate.....like eager.

so its not easy to connect with people in general.

im not sure if people remember me from my rage outburst of the past, or im not liked on a personal level........or theres a conspiracy against me.

but im working on my problems....im aware of my issues....ive made progress without any therapy.......i control my conduct pretty well now........what more can i do ?

what am i supposed to do ?

i have so much rage problems because i was severely bullied throughout my life over a long period of time.

i dont know what else i can do..

its going to take along time before i can leave england sadly, so im very much stuck here for now.

how can i deal with this behaviour and a society that seems to be alienating me ?

also how would you handle this situation ?

would you get aggressive with people ?

would it make you feel angry ?

Answer 1

Never hesitate to see another doctor, because perhaps some meds would help.  Clonopin (spelling?) helped me a bit when I had it, but I don't have it anymore cuz I don't have health insurance.  Anyway, I often get angry somewhat like you said....I hate people....so my goal is to live somewhere secluded where there aren't idiot neighbors and people all around me or my family.  I would suggest that you go to college and find something you LOVE and let all of your energy be put into it.  I am an art student and it helps to know that my job hopefully as a kids book illustrator will allow me be separated from society.

Answer 2

I'd see a doctor, a psychiatrist or psychologist for your brain a least.  Go to a general practitioner for recommendations, and maybe for your skin issues too.

Answer 3

I think some medication may help you tremendously.  I would talk to whoever is available to you in the medical field about at least trying a medication and give it some time to work.  I certainly do hope things work out for you.  I can't begin to imagine what you must be going through.  Good luck.

From: ℓonε cavalier

Subject: ??

Message: if you cant answer a question dont bother at all ok ?

dont patronise and belittle me with your ' i cant even begin to imagine **** '

also you didnt even read my question or answer it properley dumb idiot.

next time steer clear of my questions

Wow! My dear sir, I responded to you the way I did because I truly felt sorry for you and the situation you were in.  After the response I got back from you (as noted above) it's obvious that you need more help than I could even begin to imagine.   If people can't even express genuinly true feelings of empathy for you and your problems without you responding like you did with me, then you've got a tough road ahead of you.  Maybe it's NOT everybody else that's treating you this way or that.  It could be that it's just YOU!  I do wish you the very best of luck because you most certainly need it!  Bottom line, maybe people treat you the way they do because of the way you treat them.  Ever heard of the golden rule - treat people the way you want to be treated?  I truly regret wasting my time ever reading your question and trying to be supportive.  I guess sometimes being nice just isn't enough for some jackasses out there!

Answer 4

Hi,

It sounds like you do have a lot of issues going on.

I can relate to some. I was an abused child mentally and physically. The part that made it even worse is that it was by my father who was a Psychiatrist.

I have gone to therapy most of my life. It has helped me very much.

Cognitive therapy is something to look into. It was/is very helpful. I had a lot of rage issues too because of my upbringing.

I remember thinking just like you that the whole world was out to get me. I thought everyone was giving me funny looks or where talking about me etc.

The truth of the matter is that it was my insecurities and general low self esteem that I imagined most of it. Granted there are those people that do stare at one for whatever reasons, but they do it to everyone.

Another thing is when you do have low self esteem or whatever label one uses you project it to others. So maybe people feel your anger or maybe you act a bit insecure when out in public that makes people pay attention.

If you are living in a small town it could be that people remember things from the past, but that's just it, it is in the past and you have to remind yourself of that.

I also think it's a cultural thing. I lived in Germany for many years and found that people were always quick to look down their nose at one. They seemed to have a I'm better than you attitude. When I moved back to the USA that didn't happen as much.

So maybe folks are just more judgmental in the UK also. The thing for you to do is not to worry about others and what they think, say etc.

You need to think about yourself and all the positive goals you are setting for yourself.

Don't dwell so much on the negative things that have happened in your past and start thinking about how positive you can make your life.

You sound like a very smart person and you can go as far in life as you want. Just don't let the past weigh you down. Start loving yourself and stop bullying yourself. I beat myself up too for a longtime until one day I was thinking about committing suicide. Then it dawned on me that I never did anything wrong or to deserve the way I was treated as a child.

It was not my problem but the people that inflicted the abuse.

I also got tired of giving my abuser the power of destroying the rest of my life.

You can buy workbooks on Cognitive therapy in the meantime or look it up on the web until you do get some therapy. Inform yourself on how to improve your self esteem and how to deal with your anger.

Take back control and make a better life for yourself by doing your very best.

Don't act out on your feelings/anger. It will only make those people feel like they are right ( if they really are judging you )about you.

I would also go to the dermatologist. Sounds like it could be taken care of.

You're a good person. Follow through with your plans and focus on the positive future that you can lead.

Take good care of yourself. I wish you all the best.