Upcoming wedding dilemma-since i got engaged last week it seems that most of my "friends" and close relatives

Question

have been acting weird, not really congratulating me, instead just cold-well, here's my real problem: my younger cous, M, wants to be bridesmaid, i explained i wasn't really planning an all out event and that i would have a best friend instead if i did-i don't think she got the message, she's 20 and i would think that she could be a bit more adult about this decision of mine-her mom hasn't even acknowledged my engagement so it's really awkward to have M be my maid of honor when there's already stress in the air-i am sure i am not the only one who is dealing with family politics-the other thing is that if M is the only maid, whether brides or of honor, the rest of my girl cousins will have a field day and start a war-i just wanted a simple wedding and do what i want as far as the formalities go-any suggestions on how to handle this? any suggestions on my envious "friends"-i have already cut 2 ppl out of the wedding-don't need drama-nor pay for it when i'll be footing the bill-

Answer 1

You did the right thing telling her to the point. It is your day after all. For cutting people out of your Wedding, Do not make that final yet, You have only been engaged for a week.

For the next month do some browsing to get ideas of things you like before you get bombarded with every one else s ideas. If any one is asking about the Wedding plans, Just tell them you are only looking around a bit, not doing to much for now.

During this time while you doing some of your own planing, the other people will get time to get used to the idea, They might all be a bit surprised... How old are you, How long have you been with this guy?

If in a months time it still seems like they are not Happy for you it could be one of two things. Either they are not because they do not like the guy or the are jealous. Or they are just simply not as exited as you are. My Family and Friends where all Happy for me, but its not like they where bouncing around of joy like I was. They are starting to get more exited with me now closer to the time

Answer 2

So elope . . . or have a very small, intimate wedding.  It is okay to have just parents, siblings, and a couple of very close friends in attendance.  Saves you money too.  You don't want the troublesome aunts and cousins?  Then have a very small, intimate wedding . . . and don't invite them.

It they are being cold and not congratulatory, why would you want them there anyway?

Remember, it is perfectly okay to have something simple, elegant, and private!  Quit talking about your plans to cousins and other extended family.  Plan a simple, quiet, small wedding . . . just don't talk about it a lot, since they will not be invited.

Answer 3

I would just tell M again if she brings it up, that you and your fiance are planning a very simple wedding, with only one person standing up.  This person should obviously be your best friend, besides...it would be difficult to "pick favorites" of all of the cousins, and then your fiance may also have cousins or other relatives that he would feel obligated to ask.  

Your wedding is your decision, and your day...not your cousins.  Make sure you do what is in your heart.  I have a hard time with telling people "no" too.  I always find myself trying to make everyone else happy, when it sometimes makes me unhappy.  Your wedding day should absolutely NOT be one of those times.  This is a day that you will remember for the rest of your life.  She will have her own day in her own time, and I am guessing that your wishes for yourself, will not be as important to her as her own wishes on her big day.

Congrats on the engagement!  I hope everything works out great for you, and wish you and your fiance a very happy future!  Take Care!

Answer 4

Don't you just love families.  Not!  It would be nice of them to just congratulate you instead of telling you who you should have in your wedding.  It isn't right of them to expect you to have M just because she is your cousin.  You have who you want to have and they will just have to accept it.  It is your wedding.  Tell them that it is your wedding and that you are going to have your best friend and that it is too bad if they don't like it.  Tell them that you can't have all your cousins so you just aren't going to have any.  My cousin didn't have me when I got married and I didn't have her and no feelings were hurt.  Why does everyone feel that they have to be in the wedding party? They will all be at the wedding.  Not having them doesn't mean that you don't love them.  Just tell them that you are not having a big bridal party as you are keeping it small and you only want your best friend because she is closer to you than anyone.

Answer 5

I agree with the other person that said it's one of two things, either they're jealous or they hate your fiance for some reason.  You know the situation best, so I'm sure you can determine that.

It's TOTALLY your wedding - but just for the sake of not having to deal with other people's s*%t you could start thinking now about other ways which people could be seriously used (don't do it just to make them happy, only do it if they'd really be good) - things like doing a toast at the rehearsal dinner if you're having one, doing a reading or singing a song at the ceremony, being the em cee at the reception.

You know your friends and family best so you will able to decide what's worth and what's not and never forget that it's you and your fiancee's wedding.

Answer 6

Stick with one attendant for you, your Best Friend, and a best man that your groom selects.....do NOT be pressured into anything else.......I can understand the dilema is having to choose one cousin over the other and this does negate it however, since I also always say family first, if you have decided on one attendant, than ask the oldest cousin......that way no one one can argue with that....being the oldest does come with priveleges.....and let the other cousins stage a war among themselves if they choose...their bad, not yours...good luck.

Answer 7

Simple.  You are the bride and your groom is the groom, nobody else but you two get to choose who stands with you in the wedding.

Answer 8

Stick to your guns.

Answer 9

Well it is obvious that she is hurt by that, and it looks like your family is siding with her on that matter. So to be a peace keeper have her be a brides maid.

Or if you really don't want to do that, then invent something silly . Like the "wedding court" and ask her to be a member of your wedding court meaning she sits at the front of the ceremony, and sits at your table at the reception. Good luck, family politics  are a bit'ch to deal with.

Answer 10

You did the right thing by telling her what your choice was. Wedding can really bring out the worst in some people. It brings out insecurities over their own lives and realionships and their appearanes. Be prepared for friends and relatives getting engaged right and left and people bickering over everything. Good luck.

Answer 11

just remember- this is your ONE and ONLY day. do what you want to so. In the end, everyone will understand that it is YOUR wedding.

Answer 12

My sister went thru planning a large wedding and it was a nightmare. I would do excactly what I wanted. It is a day of celebration for you and your husband to be. Keep in mind that no matter the chocies you make you will not be able to make everyone happy. There is no happy medium. The stress of planning such an event can at times start a marriage out on the wrong foot. Overspending is a definite. Keep it simple, and remind anyone that has a negative remark that since you have so many cousins and everyone can't be in it you felt the best thing to do was keep it small. Don't listen to anyone but yourself, the groom, and anyone who maybe footing the bill.