Update on what happened, what do u think im still a lil confused..?

Question

After i found him with another woman in bed, i walked out on him that was more than an hour ago.. i tried to call him and he didnt answer the phone.. he texted me just now and said , u wait im on my way there now. i dont know what to expect ? has this ever happened to anyone ? im so scared that he might choose that other woman and leave me and our kids.. i dont know what to say to him either.. im so heartbroken at the moment <=== previous post

He left now coz i told him to let me be for a while..

he says that he didnt mean to do what he did.. and he wants to go back home if ill have him again.. i didnt know what to say to him so i told him that id call him once i made up my mind on what i want to do.. he says that it was just a one night thing and he was just tempted to try the girl.. thats what he said, he says he love me, but im just so hurt right now to believe anythin he says.. and he says he wont do it again.. but i do believe in the saying that once a cheater always a cheater.. help please..

Answer 1

Ohh dear that&#039;s terrible,He even have the guts to face you men men they are really pigs anyway am not sure why you feel sad that he might leave you for the other woman but i think u should think about yourself you en your kids,do u want to have infection en Aid en die en leave your kids please you have the proof u even saw it what about millions ttimehe has lied wwithoutyou knowing,,anyway its all u to decide just try and think it over and over take some time.  

Answer 2

If cheating once was his only problem I would say that it is possible to work things through, given enough time and effort, if you are willing, but in your last post you said he hit and choked you just three days ago. That&#039;s already two things that you shouldn&#039;t have to endure from someone who is supposed to love you - cheating AND physical violence. Both indicate that he doesn&#039;t hold you very high, and that he&#039;s not prepared to treat you the way you deserve.

Please, even if you do want to make it work, make sure that he gets help for his anger and cheating issues BEFORE allowing him back into your life, or he could do either again, or much worse. You need to protect yourself, and your children. PLEASE!

Answer 3

You need time to think this out as you sound very panicked (and I don&#039;t blame you).  Do you have somebody who will support you rather than force their own feelings upon you?  That would be a good start.  I have also had this happen and I allowed it to happen for a number of times and he kept saying that he didn&#039;t mean to and won&#039;t do it again and blah, blah, blah, but it did actually effect the marriage and we are now apart.  I would never tell anybody what to do, because you have to know in your heart what to do.  If you want to listen to him and see what he says then do it, but if you are in doubt then follow your heart.  I know that it is such a big step to leave him, especially if there are children involved, but you need to know that it will put a strain on you and you will find that you are always watching his every move and doubting everything he tells you.  It is just horrible.  Take your time and think about the future for yourself and your children, but get some support from somebody a little removed from the situation.  lol and lots of luck.....

Answer 4

Hang on...first you said that &quot;im so scared that he might choose that other woman and leave me and our kids&quot;, but now that he has apologised and does not want to leave you, you tell him &quot;I didnt know what to say to him so i told him that id call him once i made up my mind on what i want to do&quot; and &quot;but i do believe in the saying that once a cheater always a cheater..&quot; Are you serious? If he had said he was moving out, it sounded like you would try to hang on to him, but because he didn&#039;t, you aren&#039;t sure...Really?

Either you want him or you don&#039;t. Can you forgive him or not?

I feel anyone is entitled to one mistake. If he does it again, he&#039;s out the door.

If you accept him back, then I would be making sure he never wanted for anyone else - ever. Good luck.

Answer 5

correct! ones a cheater will always be a cheater. i don&#039;t have to add for more. just do it and be firm in shaking him out of your life.

Answer 6

See you messed up.  You should have joined in on the action and that would have been that.

You could have added that to your sexual adventures list.

But NOPE.

You had to get all uppity and bent out of shape because you couln&#039;t control your mans sexual desire.

Like a kid that won&#039;t share his toys...boo hoo.

Answer 7

I would still keep my space from him. Do you not think if he had not been busted he would keep doing it! And who is to say he still isn&#039;t. He broke the biggest rule in relationships and that is trust! It&#039;s the worst thing to ever try and get back once some one broken it. Take all the time you need to figure it out and don&#039;t let him have the upper hand again.

Answer 8

First, you have to understand that he will only comprise to the point where he gets you.  He will only give up cheating on you if you make him.  So you have to be firm, and you have to kick him out until he is ready to do what you want.  

Don&#039;t let him try to convince you it&#039;s your fault, because he&#039;s the cheating filthy liar.  He is the one who did wrong, and he is the one who is hurting the marriage.

Answer 9

You can not trust him.  Period.  He needs to EARN back your trust over the coming days and months and years.  Trust is not something that can just be said and given - it&#039;s a gut thing, deep down, and you won&#039;t be able to trust him for a LONG time.  He is almost certainly lying about this being a one-night thing as well...but don&#039;t fight him on that.  No point.

I guess my advice is not to take him back right now, okay?  Let things settle, let him wallow in his own stupidity for now.  You&#039;re right, he might very well cheat again...why set yourself up to be hurt again when he hasn&#039;t done anything to EARN your trust back?  Take care.

Answer 10

Darlin&#039; if he&#039;s did it once he will do it again. I&#039;m sorry you are going thru this c**p.

Answer 11

Don&#039;t take him back fast. Tell him you are not getting back into things the way they were. Your not setting yourself up to be devastated again. Keep him out of the house for at least a month after you start counseling. Don&#039;t let him back easily. Make him miss what he threw away. Sometimes people never cheat again. BUt if you end up taking him back, don&#039;t make it easy- or it will be easy to cheat again.

He has to understand that your trust is gone, you feel that he does not cherish and respect you. These are the things you need to see before he comes back. Suggest going to counseling. If he balks, he is not serious and misses the TV, kids and you cleaning his laundry.

If a girl can be so tempting, that he was willing to throw your marriage under the bus, the marriage is shaky. He can&#039;t be trusted. How many of us are tempted each day?

I am so sorry. You must be in h**l right now. So sorry. As soon as the storm calms down, you will be able to chart your way better. Pretend this is a friend, what would you tell her to do? Praying for you sweetie!

Answer 12

I am so sorry.  You should NOT take him back.  How could he cheat on you?  You deserve so much better.  You deserve someone who will love you 100%...I think he is just sorry that he got caught.  If you had not found him, then it would still have happened and you would not know about it.  He is not sorry for doing it, but sorry he was caught.  I think you should get counseling and a separation from him, Don&#039;t let him come back into your house.  Do it for yourself and your kids...stand up for yourself as a woman and do not take him back.  I think he will cheat again...who knows maybe he has cheated before &amp; you just haven&#039;t caught him....good luck