Veg*ns: cooking and grocery shopping for non-veg family members?

Question

This is a two-part question.

First, if you have non-veg family members, do you purchase or cook meat for them?

Second, I would like any moral or practical advice you can give on my situation. My husband and I have been married for about 2 1/2 years, but we've only lived together about half that time, since he is in the Army and has been deployed. I do all the grocery shopping and cooking, and I have always purchased and cooked the food my husband wants. I was used to dealing with meat because I worked in food service before we got married, and I figured it was his money I was spending at the grocery store.

Now I am thinking about quitting buying and cooking meat for him. Aside from being disgusting and a pain in the butt to thaw, cooking meat seems like it's compromising my beliefs. Also, we disagree on what to feed our kids, when we have them, but I am planning on feeding them vegan, even if he does give them meat when I'm not around.

Answer 1

okay well if ur planning on feeding them vegan, and your kids are still eating meat when your husband gives it to them(that is not a healthy diet for anyone!) Your kids should grow up eating what the household provides..and you need to get your mind straight by first talking to your husband. If you cut meat out of his diet he is going to think..WHAT NEXT?! or worse..don't go to an extreme like that. IF he wanted to  become veggie he would have told you!

Secondly,if you don't want to cook the meat..compromise with your husband...have HIM do it, or at least help out.

Just please dont get your kids involved negatively, and good luck.

**Sometimes the minority of us have to make sacrifices and cater to ourselves and also to other's needs..

Answer 2

Hun, you are headed for a divorce.  You are being lazy and childish.

Just remember that in most families, the husband makes the money and the wife takes care of the needs of her loved ones which includes cooking meat for the meat eaters of the family.  How would you like it if your hubby said "you can't buy any veggies with the money I make"???

You could buy him frozen dinners such as Stouffer's and Marie Calendar's that have meats in them.  Just pop them into the microwave.

Answer 3

I would try and sit down with him and have a chat about what you believe. No one here can decide what's right for your family. It's your family, not ours. So, I'd have a CALM discussion with him. Don't get offensive, just simply state your beliefs and let him state his. And not one of you are going to get their way. SO COMPROMISE. You could work out a deal saying "I'm willing to cook MOST of the dinner. If you cook the meat yourself, then give it to me after it's been cooked, I will work it into the meal." or say "We can switch of nights for cooking, When I cook, I will choose and when you cook, you can choose what you would like."

I think that it is rather childish though to deprive him if he chooses to eat meat, then he can choose to do so. You might ask that he cook it, but you cannot say that you just won't buy it for him. That's rather silly.

On the situation with the children, if it were ME (which it's not, but I'll say this anyway), I would instead of deciding that you make their meal choices, raise them as 'omnivores' many small children NEED the meat and protein. I would raise them until they are old enough to choose for themselves, then let them choose. Don't make them live a lifestyle. Especially if it will cause these problems between you and your husband.

Anyhow, I would honestly say that if this much is concerning you, you need to call him, plan a night that you two will sit down after the kids are asleep or something and that you will talk about this situation. Don't use offensive terms like "Your stinky meat!" or even "your meat". Keep it calm and say something simple like "Dear, I know you respect my choice as a vegan. I want to respect your choice as an omnivore. I find meat being rather difficult to cook and finding it a hassle. It is also rather messy for me. I know you love it, though. So, I'm trying to think of a way that we can both get what we want." and propose a couple ideas. If he gets angry, the best thing you can do is STAY CALM.

Good Luck, You really need to just talk this out. I hope you do so.

---Linzz.

Answer 4

Well, if you don't want to cook meat for him (and I can't really blame you, it's not fun to handle), don't.

I would advise against trying to keep meat and other animal products out of the house. You're essentially telling him that he doesn't have a say in what he can do in his own home. (It would be like him trying to tell you that you HAD to eat meat.)

Maybe you two could start cooking together now and then. You take care of the plant stuff, and he makes his own entree?

As for the kids, you have awhile to figure that out. Be sure you talk to your doctor either way. :-)

Answer 5

I refuse to buy or cook meat and will not tolerate having it in my home. Outside of the home my boyfriend can eat whatever he wants(we've lived together for over three years now). It's not something I ever have been or will be willing to discuss or compromise on.

Practical advice - cook delicious vegetarian food at home, find some restaurants where you can have a nice vegetarian meal and he can have whatever he likes to eat.

Answer 6

You are better off asking this in the family section rather than here. Since this is the vegetarian and vegan section, you are more likely to receive pro vegetarian and vegan answers which are of course biased to a degree in favoring the lifestyle as you can plainly see

For me, it all depends on the kind of relationship you have with your husband.  My wife and I have certain beliefs to which the other does not agree. But we do compromise (and believe me, you have to) and come up with some sensible solution that is acceptable to both. Not ideal but acceptable. since I'm a meat eater myself, I will not advise you on anything that may favor your omni husband since I too will be biased for his specific lifestyle. But I would advise to have a  serious talk with him and try to come up with a middle ground that is acceptable to both of you. Again, maybe not ideal but at least livable.

One thing to remember is that neither of you is really right and wrong.And whatever happens, you and your husband and your child will live with the consequences, not the people here.

Answer 7

I think you should buy meat some of the time, but also ask him to try vegan options to support u. He might even like them!!

I think u should try to compromise and raise your kids vegetarian, and explain to him how it would be healthier for them and the best for them.

Answer 8

I went vegetarian about a year after I got married. No meat, no dairy. I stopped bringing it into the house. I won't cook it, end of story. If you can't do it anymore, don't do it. If he wants meat as bad as that, he can cook it himself in a friend's place, or run through a drive thru.

I just told my husband that I was no longer comfortable with purchasing and preparing meat. I didn't expect any sort of reaciton, I just told him how I felt and let him think about it. He's been very supportive and eats everything I make. I am also pregnant with out second child and raising our 1 year old, who is being raised vegetarian. I'm the one doing all the cooking and I'm the main caretaker, so the decision on what to feed the children is mine to begin with. If he wants your children to eat meat that badly, ask him to come home from work for every meal and cook meat for the children. He won't, haha!

If he respects you, he'll respect your feelings, and since you're the one doing all the work in the kitchen, it's your kitchen. Let him eat all the meat he wants to and don't rip on him for it, just agree to disagree and have him eat meat he's gotten himself. Take it from me, most men won't even want to go to all the trouble and will just eat whatever's on the table ;)

Answer 9

i can answer this from personal experience....i am a vegetarian, my husband is an omni, and we have been married for 2 years as well.

we have compromised in this way:  because i do the grocery shopping (his schedule is too difficult to allow for shopping) i buy the meat that he requests to a limited extent.  i'll buy a couple of meat items a week for him at the most.  however, even though i will buy it...i DO NOT cook it.  it goes straight to the freezer.  we agreed that if he wants to eat meat he is a big boy and can cook it himself.  i don't think that's unreasonable at all...cooking meat makes me sick to my stomach and keeps me from wanting to eat my own meal, anyway!  he still eats meat when he's away from home (at lunch, work, whatever) and i have no problem with that.  

i think it would be silly to make him make a seperate trip to the grocery and waste time and fuel because i refuse to buy one meat item.  we share our finances, so my money would be funding his meat purchases whether i picked it up myself or not.  for me that's just an efficiency issue as well as a simple act of courtesy.

as far as raising our kids goes, we will be raising them vegetarian.  i showed my husband all of the information i could find about the health benefits of raising vegetarian children, and fortunately he couldn't disagree with that evidence!  he is a medical student and knows that being veg can be much healthier, he just likes meat too much to give it up.

unlike the poster above me, i don't think you're headed for divorce just because you disagree about your diet and who should have to handle the meat at dinnertime.  this is an issue that can be worked around.  i hope that the information i've given about my own marriage is helpful to you....it can be difficult to find common ground on issues like this because there are so many strong feelings involved.  just know that you will both have to compromise a bit to be the best spouses that you can for each other.  give and take is essential.  good luck!