Verbal Abuse!! Does A Man Love you If he trashes you?

Question

I am in a relationship with a man who claims he loves me we have two kids under the age of 3. Most of the time I feel as if I have to keep what I truly feel hidden to avoid any arguements.l have tried to express myself and explain to him how certain things bother me and if things don't go his way he blows up on me and calls me names like Bi**ch! w***e!! and he tells me I ain't Sh*t.. Sometimes he gets so upset that he tells me he wants a paternity test on our children that he is only with me because we have kids I have offered a test and to walk out I have told him having children isn't a reason to stay I have never cheated on him and have always respected him. When he cools off then he will tell me he is sorry and he shouldn't have said certain things. I really cannot find myself hurting someone I love and speaking to them the horrible things he says to me. I guess what I need is some advice as to what to do I really can't tolerate it when things get out of control and he mistreats me. I don't belive he loves me if he is willing to hurt me in this way. Please help any advice will help. Thanks...

Answer 1

Go to www.womansavers.com or www.endabuse.org. Hope i helped.:-)

Answer 2

Question if one of your children is a daughter, would you want her to be treated this way by her husband?

Do you want your son to grow up thinking this is normal and start treating his wife like this? No? Then why do you accept it for yourself?

I have been the victim of verbal and emotional abuse. Once I was out my self esteem came back.Best thing I ever did. Leaving, before it became physically abusive

Answer 3

u can tell alot about how a man feel about u by the things he says to u.a man who loves u would not hurt u like this, he would be more careful with his words.

Answer 4

sometimes, i am very hurtful towards my husband, it isn't right, its just that part of me that has become my parents (that was not/is not a healthy relationship) and show's my lack of trust in the possiblitly for a happy marriage. I am not defending this man, you have to trust your instincts, I'm just saying, it is possible to love sooooo much, and still say very hateful things. My husband understands, he doesnt just forgive and forget, but he trys to help. He knows when I tell him I hate him, he knows that I really mean I hate myself. A lot of people don't like to accept that a big part of us is nurture (nurture vs nature). I want to and try to be better, but sometimes, the worst comes out, we have years and years of negative programing to overcome to be better. One can not change over night.

Good luck, God bless.

Answer 5

It sounds like is is angry and afraid, most men, myself included at times in my life are unequipped to handle the multitude of emotions that are involved in a working relationship, which is only exacerbated when some one has history that is still affecting their life.  If he lashes out at you verbally then it is either because you are calling him on his **** and he just doesn't want to deal with it, something from his past is affecting his reactions to you or there are feelings and thoughts he doesn't know how to convey to you.  See a counselor.

Answer 6

You are in an abusive relationship.  If you won't get out for your own sake, at least consider what you are doing to your children by forcing them to grow up in such an unhealthy environment.  Do you want your son(s) to grow up into abusive morons like their father, and your daughter(s) into doormats like their mother?  Remember that children learn by their parents' example.

Answer 7

Well If he calls you all those names and keeps on everytime you and him have a discussion something is wrong, I mean wow he sounds like he has angry management problem, and low self esteem, also most important bi-polar! Sistar you need to seek help for your children and if he wants to take a test to prove that he is the father so be it, you don't have nothing to hide and you will be find if you decide to raise you children on your own, you will be find, do not let him bring you down. o.k.

Answer 8

you shouldn't live this way nor let your children live this way. Get a paternity test and kick his *** out. He will have to pay child support and abuse someone else. He wont change  

Answer 9

Verbal is almost worse than physical. With my first son's dad I went through both....sometimes I preferred the black eyes over the verbal cuts...but my advice to you is leave...because it only escalates from there. Your kids shouldn't be in a house where there father is disrespecting their mother...it is so wrong...LEAVE

Answer 10

I know what you mean. My husband likes to do the same thing . I stand up for myself no matter what. I don't think a person..man or women could love another if their acting like that. The Bible tells us that a man is to love his wife as he would himself. So if he doesn't love himself then he can't love another especially his wife. And all that junk about the paternity test is just a front. He knows those kids are his. This is  a type of mind control men use to make their wife or girl friends think they have to PROVE their trust worthy. The catch is you'll NEVER be able to PROVE anything to him. You will be stuck forever proving you haven't cheated or that he has no reason to doubt your loyalty to him or the relationship. No matter what you do he will always make a remark or comment of some kind to keep you feeling that he can't trust you for one reason or another. Making you think and feel that all the problems your having are all your fault. I went through a lot of relationships that everytime I turned around some guy would pull this same thing on me. And each time like a dummy I felt like I had to prove my loyalty to them. Then I'd find out they were cheating on me the whole time. It's BS. I'm telling you. Play the game.Tell him to get the paternity test done if he feels the need. BUT and I mean But!! When the test come back and show the kids are his then he best have one h**l of a good lawyer cause your going to sue the you know what out of him for "Definition of Character"! That teach him. He'll see he can't pull then wool over your eyes then. He might not stop making the claim but you can always tell his got right's to file a complaint and have a DNA test done but your not paying for it cause his the one that's questioning weather they are or not. And if he doesn't do anything then that's his fault!

Answer 11

I think that you are going to need to leave. No, he probably doesn't love you, not the way that you deserve to be loved. You deserve a stable household with a good man that will be nice to you and certainly won't yell at you.

My STBE (soon to be ex) would yell at me like that for the longest time. Then he started with the physical abuse and the emotional abuse. Out of 8 years, he never once stopped and it got progressively worse. Yes, he would go into that honeymoon phase where he would suddenly get really nice and be so sweet for awhile and then out of nowhere would come the abuse again. It is called the cycle of abuse and you can look it up online.

If you need help getting out of the house, call your family to help you. If you don't have family close by, call the local Domestic Violence shelter or support program. You need to get help in this situation especially since you have children with this man.

No one deserves to be treated like that and that definitely is not love. If you look in the Bible, love is described as being patient, kind, does not envy, is not blind, never seeking for its own, where love is there is no wrong. Does that sound like your guy? It doesn't to me.

When I got out of the situation, I felt very alone even with my 2 kids with me all the time. Eventually you make new friends, hang out with old ones, find things to fill your time, and new hobbies to learn. You can make it if you decide and choose to.

Be strong and God is with you!

www.saferelationships.com

www.dangerousman.com