Verbal abuse boyfriend anger problem I love him help me

Question

Me and my bf have been dating for a year now. everything was going amazing, I treated him like a prince, he treated me like a princess, than once we moved in together it all changed. he just seemed to let his guard down and get angry over things that seemed ridiculous. like at first i thought he was joking. just thinks like traffic, or him not finding clean pair of socks would make him go to the extreme instead of getting a little angry, he would be OUTRAGED. cussing, yelling, saying he hates his life. because he doesn't have clean socks or something!

we talked about it, i can handle that and help him deal with his stress better but than it started to be that it was my fault if something bad happened to him in his eyes. if he couldn't find his keys he would yell at me if i didn't help him find them, or if i tried to comfort him when he was mad at traffic he would call me a stupid *****, than if i get upset he says im trying to make him feel bad.

He also gets extremely jealous. If he was at work and he comes home and i smile he will make a comment like, why are you smiling? is it cause you had your other boyfriend over? (ive never cheated on him or given him any reason for him to believe i was)

He makes these cheating comments at LEAST once a day.

than when we are sleeping he makes me lay in the third of the bed, and if he doesnt get to spred his legs out he will cuss at me. or if his back hurts, he will ask me to rub it wich isnt a bad thing at all, but this one day i had carple tunnel and i couldnt and he got so extreamly mad and said i never do anything for him and threw a fit. and continued to beg me while i was trying to sleep so i finnaly did and than he complained it wasnt good enough. i feel emotionally worn out.

we have so many good times and we love each other soo much, recently i told him I cant take it and he needs to stop. he apologized like he always does but sometimes it only takes half a day to a day for him to have an outrage over something like me being a minute late to pick him up. hes done better this time because i went more into detail about how I feel but it seems like if i don't baby him he reacts in a pouty kinna way for me to pity him. like giving me sad eyes or asking whats wrong, when im just acting normal, not happy or sad i feel like i have to put on this overly cheery front for him.

whats the best way to stop this behaver! we don't have the money to have him go to anger management which he said he would agree to do till we found out we couldn't afford it. he said he hates the way he acts and really wants to change, what can i do???

Answer 1

Hi. I'm going through something similar. It's very confusing. My situation has slowly been escalating. This man does the whole thing - we argue, he gets frustrated and starts raging like a maniac, then he stops and acts like nothing just happened. He thinks he can curse at me and call me names and then I'm just supposed to forget about it and have s*x with him. It's pretty twisted. He has said several times that he wants to change, but it is very difficult to change and he hasn't taken any steps to do so. We are engaged, but there is no way I am going to marry this man. I'm going to move out and get away. No one deserves to be treated that way. It's degrading and totally unacceptable for both people. I agree that you should not tolerate the situation, but you have to be smart about how you get away and protect yourself. It's so painful because I was so happy to be with him, and now it's ruined. That's hard to take, but there are more men out there who will treat you like a queen...and it's better to be alone and safe than to be scared in your own home. I hope things work out for you. Good luck.

Answer 2

Wow his behavior sounds just like my dad's. He's an emotional and verbal abuser. I grew up with that c**p so I know what you're going through. Why try to love someone who doesn't love you? He believes that you will stay with him no matter what. That's why he's abusing you. He thinks he will get away with it. You need to break off all ties with him and get him out of your life!! And don't tell him where you are.Trust me on this. You have nothing to lose. Love should not hurt!  

Answer 3

leave him it is not worth what you are going through.  He is not acting like he loves you. The abuse can turn physcal you need to show him you won't put up with it.

Answer 4

you are probably the prettiest girl he has ever had and he is trying to cling to u like press and seal glad wrap ask if you can have some "alone time" and if he says no dump him if this continues he might seriously hurt you, physically and emotionally i would know my sisters ex was like that he was to clingy and when she had a maybe one day off of work he would get all mad have a fit so yeah just ask for some time alone and that might help  

Answer 5

Sit him down and say if this happens again, you are gone and stick to it. Tell him it's not a threat or promise, that life is too short for verbal abuse and that if he wants to be with you it will come to a grinding halt or your done.

Answer 6

I've seen this too many times and have even experienced it to some degree myself.  I know what I'm talking about when I advise you to get out of this relationship.  The guy has anger issues and there is no way you can help him.  In his eyes, you will never be thin enough, pretty enough, good enough, competent enough, rich enough, educated enough, etc.  You will be blamed for all that goes wrong, but somehow he'll twist things around to make it appear he is the one being victimized.  As a result, you'll feel guilty and hurt, and you'll bust your backside to trying to keep things on an even keel and to make the relationship work.  

Sticking by him, supporting him and tolerating his behavior (or trying to fix it) doesn't prove your love for him.  It only enables the behavior to continue.  Relationships are not supposed to be this way, and you deserve better. It is IMPERATIVE that you believe that.

You cannot fix this because you are not the problem. Trying to will be a total waste of time, effort and energy, and you will be emotionally exhausted jumping through all the hoops. Admit to yourself now that the relationship is not going to work and move on.  Please, for your personal safety and sanity, get out and MOVE ON!

Good luck...

Answer 7

PLEASE MOVE OUT IMMEDIATELY!  If you can't afford it, call your parents, other relatives who care, or a friend and ask them if you can stay with them until you are financially able to move out on your own or you find a DECENT room mate.  How old is your boyfriend?  If under the age of 30, that may be the problem, in addition to having anger issues, and maybe other emotional issues that you may not know about.  PLEASE get out before you end up having kids.  If you have kids, you will be stuck with the guy for a whille at least.  THEN your kids will be stuck with him.  You will ALWAYS be connected to him if you have kids!!!!  I had a boyfriend like this.  I put up with it for a while, then one morning at 5:30am when he was getting ready for his new job, and started acting like an ******, because he had to get up and I didn't ,  I left when he was at work.  This was after about 5 months of observing bad qualities similar to the ones you describe.  ALso, your boyfriend has control issues.  The putting you down stuff, the jealousness, is all because he is trying to beat you down and make you feel bad about yourself.  He is trying to make you think YOU are wrong, when HE is.  Next time he asks you to rub his back when you have CTS, or just DONT feel like it.  Tell him not right now, I am sorry, I am tired.. or hurting..etc.  IF he continues to badger you, tell him if he says it again you are going to go sleep in another room.  Then go do it!  Keep your chin up.  Keep your confidence up.  Speak your mind, and tell him (nicely) that you WILL not tolerate this B.S anymore. PERIOD or you are leaving......gone buh-bye

Answer 8

What do you consider more important; your safety or your lovelife?

Answer 9

UMMMMM HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!... Are you kidding me?? What are you still doing with that beast??????????????????????? Look, this is  not the last guy left in the world. I know that is is hard to leave someone you love and are accustomed to but don't you want to be happy?? You deserve to be happy most of the time! He is making your life a living h**l. This is not normal and you cannot help him.

Ok now that I am back to normal.. Try and see if there is anything free around your area that can help him. If there is nothing you can do then you need to move on because you deserve to be normal and happy.  

Answer 10

What the h**l? Why is it women will stay with the biggest douchebags? This is even worse, the guy is OBVIOUSLY mentally unstable, he will likely end up hitting you or even KILLING you. Jesus you're the type who makes the rest of us women look like retards.

DROP THE ZERO HUNNY! YALL NEEDS YOUSELF A HERO!

Answer 11

Okay... I know you say that he isnt the abusive type that he wouldnt hit you, but you never know. I have a friend that is going through the same thing as you.. and all of us have tried to get her to leave him, she wouldnt, she loved him, finally it got worse and he was drunk and hit her. She blew it off.. and then eventually it happened again. Finally she got the point is moving out and moving on with her life.. if started off just like this, and she said he never meant it and that he would never hit anyone and doesnt get into fights.. but the longer the relationship goes on, the worse its going to get... believe me. You just describe my friends situation perfectly... so i hope you listen the first time and move on, if you cant afford getting him help he isnt going to change and thinks are going to get worse.. there is nothing you can. you have told him your feelings before and nothing changed.. what makes you think they will ever... So i hope you get out while you can.. its gonna hurt but you have too..

Answer 12

people change. sometime they change for good and sometime they change for bad. if you're still in the relationship with that man...I think he will be physically abusive man later when you marry him and have kids. think about it. you should have a calm honest discussion with him instead of asking strangers in Y!A for help. maybe he didn't realize that his anger upsets you...he can't read your mind, you have express your feeling to him. Boyfriends and Girlfriends aren't only for enjoying the kiss and s*x. they should help each other developing a better life.

Good Luck