Very, very close to putting daughter in to public school. Anyone been here?

Question

We have home schooled from day one. We have used both eclectic programs as well as A Beka this year. She is 10 and currently doing the A Beka fifth grade work.

She *excels* at every subject except math. She is able to do the math in the A Beka book, that's not the problem. We got in on it kind of late so she is actually still doing the review work. The problem is that she stalls, dawdles, fights, argues, and all those other ugly words for not getting it done.

We have tried all kind of things to motivate her, punish her, bribe her and threaten her (with going into public school -nothing physical), and taken away minor as well as major privileges. None of which made any of feel good about the situation and they only worked for a day at best.

I would love to hear any suggestion you have but more I really just want to know that we aren't the only ones that have gone through this.

Answer 1

tell her "if you want to be poor in the future then don't do your work to get a good job you have to go to college\university and that takes work" it worked when i tried it on my sisters daughter

Answer 2

My kids have issues like these at times too.  I don't really know what to tell you, other than that when I tried ABeka math with my daughter she hated it so much that she burst into tears at the sight of her math book.  A Beka has a lot of repetition and drill, more than most kids need.  If you are having her do, EVERY problem in EVERY lesson, and EVERY speed drill, and EVERY practice recommended in the teachers manual she might just be sick of it.  Bottom line, if she is 10 and doing fifth grade work she has some wiggle room, you could try some other approach and not worry too much about her falling behind.

When I get discouraged, I remind myself that if I sent my kids to school I would still have the same problem, only it would be in the evening when we would  all be tired and the child would be whining about homework she/he didn't want to do.  At least with homeschool I am the one who decides what needs to be done.  Take a look at what is expected and ask yourself if it is ALL really necessary.  Could you tell the her to do all the odd numbered problems, if she does well (stays on task and gets most correct) she doesn't have to do the even?

Another thing that might help is letting her help decide what curriculum to use.  Give her several choices, and let her decide which one to get.  

AT any rate- you are not alone!  Don't know if my suggestions will help or not, but you said you really just wanted to know that you weren't the only ones that have gone through it- well you are not.

Answer 3

Boy, have I been there.   Over the years I have tried everything.  One thing that I do find that works, (they all work for a little while) is changing curriculum.   That and giving the child a break from the doldrums.    Not every curriculum works for every child.   If you are in the review stage I bet it is boring her to tears- it's probably "busy work" and that is the worst kind of work there is.  If a child can not see the value in a task they don't do it well.  I even had one of my children in to enroll in public school, I have been so discouraged.   It was her idea not to go because they would have put her back a grade year with her age level.   She could not countenance giving up her higher level math and science so she decided to stay home.   Change your math- or jump ahead so she is challenged and can see progress.

Answer 4

She will not do much better in the Public School system.

All she'll learn is how to smoke, buy drugs and have s*x.

Math is not an easy subject and for some the ABSTRACT manner in which it is taught does not work well.

Math, however, is the key to all there is.

Without and understand of math you can be cheated.

Banks can cheat you.

Credit card companies can cheat you.

Loan companies can cheat you.

The Government can cheat you.

Math is a vital thing, more so than writing (but not reading).

Most jobs are based on math.

You have to get to the root of her problem and her problem may not be the math or the studies.

Solve the problem.

This is one edge you have over the teacher and school system.

They are not in the problem solving business.

Your the parents, you ARE in the problem solving business.

There is an issue here and you are overlooking it because you are more concerned with the symptoms than the disease.

You need to get to the etimology of the problem.

Answer 5

Yes, we got there last year.   We sat down to have a family meeting and told the kids that the fights would stop.  I refused to deal with it anymore.

They have to do their work or they answer to their dad on the weekend and have to sit with him, whatever he's doing, to finish it.  

However, I do agree with the others that maybe the Abeka program just isn't working for her.   I have used 5 different programs in 5 years until we finally found Math U See which works for all our kids.    There are so many programs out there to try.     I would try something different if you can.

Answer 6

I just started homeschooling this year [I'm in 10th grade.]  The public schools I have been in weren't very good.  They rarely communicate with parents about the child's progress, if ever.  Your daughter won't get the same one-on-one attention that she gets with homeschooling.

But, she will be able to participate in a class, and join after school activities.

Most likely, you will still have to fight her to do her homework, if she's already fighting against doing her homeschooling.

Ultimately, it comes down to what you think is best for her academically, and emotionally.

Answer 7

Does she help you with the cooking and cleaning??? How about the grocery shopping and care of pets???

All of this requires her to use MATH skills (she just doesn't realize it). Stop worrying about the 'book' work and try it the fun way  aka math games. My 9 yr old loves to play Math War (just like regular War) and Go Figure (played like Go Fish but in Math form) *** for higher math functions you may have to make your own cards....just use blank index cards***.

We use a Math program called Ray's Arithmatic. It is a 150 yr old proven program that covers from Primary-College (there are 20 books in all and the first 7 cover up to High School). The questions are in word problem from the get go, so that the child has to figure out the entire thing. There is also a yahoo group for Ray's.

My daughter loves her math and on the days we have meltdowns, we chuck the books and work alanatural.

We have been homeschooling now for 4 yrs and the only 2 programs I have bought are McGuffey's Readers and Speller and Ray's (I got them all off of Amazon.com), everything else is pieced as I refuse to ever again pay for a school program (not every program works for every child and I don't have the money to waste).

Nobody said that the Homeschool road would be easy and every child learns differently. Just remember that when the meltdowns rear their ugly heads, to step back, take a deep breath and a 20 minute break and tackle the lesson from a different angle or in an unconventional way. And FYI those meltdowns can and do occur from both parties.

Answer 8

I think just about all of us, especially those who have done it from the start, and if we are real enough to admit it, have asked the question, "remind me why I am doing this again"? home schooling that is.

I need no reminding, but there are days where a uninhabited island sounds real good.

It may be time for both of you to take a breather, re-evaluate not only how much time you spend on "schooling" each day, but also what materials you are using.

During our home school journey we have taken  twists, and turns, as well as changed up materials more than we can even remember.

We had to not only adjust to their ever changing learning preferences, but also added interests, and extra activities.

Punishment will only serve to achieve the opposite, learning is supposed to be natural, and fun, she has to want to learn.

Remember you cannot make her learn anything she does not choose to learn, and your relationship with one another should be a top priority.

Book work is not the only way to learn, book work can be the supplement to real learning.

The strife may be caused by her trying to let you know as best she can that she needs you to listen, as well as have a say in her education.

You, and your husband will always have the final word, and so it should be, but give the break a try, and see if you can infuse some alternatives, like games, computer software, or even take the holidays to put the books on the shelf, and just do all the fun thing associated with these day's.

Cooking, making cards, writing the cards, addressing envelopes, making home made gifts; like recipes in a jar;

http://www.recipegoldmine.com/foodgiftva...

The sky is the limit.

Good luck, and hang in there you are definitively not alone.

Mom with children ranging from pre-teen to late twenties, and proud grandma as well.

Answer 9

if you want to have your daughter socialize and be good around people then you should send her to public school. thats a mistake you made from day 1.

Answer 10

One of the reasons we all homeschool is for the flexibility and freedom it provides.  Try other math programs.  We have tried several.  Math U see and Saxon were both good, but didn't suit all my kids.  Try out other programs and styles and find one that suits her and you.

Good luck.

Answer 11

You are not the only one that has been through this.  We threaten about once a week.  We know, and he knows, we aren't going to do it, but sometimes it feels good to dream that the public schools could solve our challenges.  They didn't solve them when he was there.  

You may want to step back and look at the positives.  Relax.  Competition may work for her.  Find another homeschooler for her to compare notes and progress.  

Change curriculum and let her help you choose it.  

If she is wanting to go to public school, let her go.  I think she will find out soon that home is better and that Mom cares more about her than a teacher will care.  Keep your books ready for her when she makes the decision to return to schooling at home.

Answer 12

So does she do all of her other work without a problem, except for math?  Does she just hate math?  Maybe she's bored silly with the Abeka, or maybe it's too advanced?

I would hate to hear of someone giving up on homeschooling if all was going well except for one subject.  There must be another way to have her feel good about math, and for you to feel that she's making adequate progress.

Homeschooling is about relationships.  Math is just math.  If you have to, lay off on the math for a while and see if you can come up with something with your daughter's input, that she'd prefer to do to satisfy the math requirement.  Taking a year off of math would not be terrible.

Good luck!  :)

Answer 13

turn everything off in the room and say u can't do anything till u do the work. or just put her in a public then she will wish she was doin the stuff at home school

Answer 14

I think it depends on the public school.  I went to public school in a very well to do community and it was O.K., but I would not send my child to public school in an urban area.

Answer 15

threaten her with public school. Once she realizes how awful it is, she'll be begging to come back. I had been it public school up through grade 6, but this year i am homeschooling and it is going great. It is definetly a privelege, and your daughter will be sorry to lose it.

Answer 16

Two things come to mind: the program itself or the challenge level.

Because you are homeschooling means you can find a program that suits her better. Just because A Beka is viewed as a good program doesn't mean that all aspects of it will appeal to a child. It may be a more hands-on program or one with less practice or something.

If it's too easy for her, it's going to be really disheartening to have to go through a bunch of questions she knows she can do. If there's shaky stuff, math will seem like a bugaboo. My own daughter is great at math, but says she hates it when she has spent too much time trying to do things that are too challenging or when she's overdone the stuff she's mastered.

The key for me to figuring out where to go, what to do with my dd (turning 10 soon) has been to talk with her about what the problem is and how she'd like to do math. Sometimes she's forthright and says, "I want something easy for a while, something I feel like I can do." Other times she'll say, "This is just too boring, I want something harder or something new." This means that she'll go strong with a workbook for a while, but then be tired of that and will want to do hands-on or worksheets for a bit. My feeling is that as long as she's progressing, however we reach everything is fine.

A long way of saying figure out what would help *her* feel better at math. The likely best way is to talk to her about it. You might also check out other popular math programs and see what might meet her needs better.

Answer 17

In math try teaching textbooks.

I am home schooled and I went from making C's in math to making straight A's. It explains everything so well...

I just wish I had this book in public school

It starts in 5 grade and goes all the way to pre calculus

Hope I can help

Answer 18

My sister went through the same things with her oldest. He wanted to go back but she refused to let him. Now he is still (although he begged to go to public) home schooled and in the 10th grade. Is she back in the routine yet? My kids put up a fuss about starting this year and just had to get in the swing of things before the work started to really get done. May be you could try to lessen the school work for a few weeks and slowly add in the stuff you let go. This works for my sister. They start the year doing may be reading math and English and by week 4 or5 they have added in history science spelling language arts bible and what ever classes they are doing with co-op. That way she can work up to a full days work again with out feeling overwhelmed. I truly hope these ideas help. Good Luck!