Very complicated situation.. please help !?

Question

I have a 3 years old daughter with a previous relationship. Now, i am married with a very good man and he wanted to adopt her. My ex-boyfriend know that i am married and not doing any effort to see my daughter. I even spoke to him several months ago, and told me he's got nothing to do with her anymore. But i know he was just saying that because he's upset of the situation.

Now he got another girl pregnant. Honestly speaking i dont want him to be part of my daughter's life.. because he's very irresponsible. He's not giving any support !

If my husband adopt her.. and we take full custody of my daughter. Does my ex-boyfriend still have the right to see her ? or get any contact with her or visitation ? As much as possible, we dont want his existence in my daughter's life. I know its kind of unfair to my daughter.. but i really think its for the best.

Answer 1

if your new husband adopts her, then your ex will have no contact, no child support...nothing to do with your childs life. Your husband would be her legal father and would have the same rights as you.  But you do need your ex's permission although it can be done without his approval in some cases.

Answer 2

Once an adoption is finalized, the adoptive parents become the sole providers for the child.  The bio family no longer has any rights.  They are also not required to pay child support in the case of your ex.  

Make sure that this is truly what you want to do before you proceed with the paperwork.  If you feel this is in the best interest of your daughter, go for it.  However, if you feel that your ex needs to be held responsible and contribute to your daughter's finances, medical and have rights to say in her care, then do not proceed.  

Good luck to you.

Answer 3

You need him to sign over his rights.

However...  Whether or not the adoption by your husband is fair to your daughter, you need to know that nothing you do will take your ex out of your daughter's life.  Whether or not she ever sees him, you cannot guarantee she won't think about him or wonder about him.  He might not be physically present, but he is likely to be a part of her life forever.

I won't tell you what to do.  But you need to ask yourself is the father's irresponsibility enough of a reason to cut him off from his daughter forever?  In any event, your daughter is likely to have some questions at some point, and you do need to think about how to answer them.

Answer 4

This was the same situation with my older sister. My father adopted her, her father had to give permission for that to happen. By giving that permission, or by ignoring the fact that they are served with the notice and not turning up to court (as with the case with my sister), he gives up his right as her parent. I think her birth certifcate can even be changed???? But don't know if this is entirely correct

Answer 5

Your daughter is only 3 now, but what happens when she's 7, or 10, or 15, and wants to know why you cut her father out of her life?

I'd really consider long and hard the implications of this.  

She can still call your husband "dad" and love him like a father.  He can BE her "dad" in every sense of the word.  But to deny her her real father simply because of your own prejudices is pretty unfair, and could possibly put a real strain on your relationship with her in the future.  After all, she DOES have rights, too.

People change, they grow, who knows what could happen down the road?  Consider your daughter's rights too.  This is HER FATHER, and she should have a right to have him in her life.

Answer 6

First your husband has to agree to the adoption and give up his rights.  He should be giving you support right now.  You need to talk to the public defender's office if you can't afford an attorney.  They will see if you qualify for a lawyer and send  you to one in the right division.

Answer 7

No, If he signs over his rights as the "father" and allows your husband to adopt her, it is like her birth dad NEVER existed, he has NO rights what-so-ever to your child, your husband will be taking the role of father legally. It will be as if you and your husband had her together, the "birth dad" never exisited!

Good Luck and best wishes!

Ps.. the reason I know is because my hubby has a child from a previous relationship, she got married and wanted him to sign over his rights to their child, so her hubby could adopt the child and he would have no contact and no rights.... he didn't do it though.

Answer 8

He has every right to stay her legal father (for which he'll owe child support) as long as he does not break the law. Most young men (and some old ones too) are afraid of the life-long commitment of child support. Most young men will relinquish their rights to a step-father adopting their child so they will no longer have to pay support. It sounds rotten but it's true and as you thought, it works out for the best. It's really a win-win situation all around!