Very sensitive issue/question about my past and abuse I endured?

Question

First, let me say I have anxiety issues and depression along with it....

When I was a little girl I was severley beaten up by my father. We did go to therapy on this issue when I was older. The problems were not solved...because my father did not want to admit the horrific abuse he inflicted on me and on my mom and my brother.

I am a Jewish/ Catholic person. He left our faith to be with a woman who is of another faith....and he married her. she has 4 kids. When I did go visit him 2 yrs ago...I noticed there were no pictures hanging of me and of my brother nor my sister....only her kids.

I asked him why he used to beat me and he said because I thought you were an ugly baby and I hated to see your ugly face so...I beat you. I said I did not ask to be born. Weird thing is....I turned into a swan...lol. Now he wants something to do with me. I had blond/bald hair/fuz and blue eyes and my siblings had hazel eyes and dark hair...like my mom...i on the other hand was blond like him and light eyes. but why? why would a person such as this go and tell me to my face this? it hurt! when my daughter jade died 2 yrs ago from cancer he refused to show up at her funeral...an innocent 8 yr old...but when my twin sisters son died also of leukemia...he showed up at her childs funeral. why is that? what is wrong with this person? should i forgive and forget? i mean he has said a half asss sorry towards me a couple yrs ago...but it is not sincere...i do not think it is. by the way...he tried to kill my mom with my grandfathers gun....yes and that sickens me still...yes will always sicken me. he does call me from time to time to say hi and preach some babtist holy roller stuff to me but does not bring up any remorse...he says oh god forgives me and i forgive myself...no need to feel bad about what i did to you or your mom...etc etc...mind you he broke my left wrist and hand....never took me to the hospital....i was 5 then.

Answer 1

i am sooo sorry to hear that.

he is a horrible man

if i were u i would cut off and contact with him and live my own life

Answer 2

Sometimes bad people happen to good people. I grew up till I was 16 being beaten. You cant let it define who you are.  Unfortunately this is a relationship you need to walk away from permanetly. There is a book that helped me a lot to let go of a parent who brought very little good into my life. Its called Toxic Parents. The best thing I can tell you is to go back to counseling and dont be afraid or feel guilty about removing this person from your life. Just because he donated the sperm that gave you life it doesnt make him a father.  

Answer 3

Wow, that's just all kinds of F*ed up.... Go to counseling now 'cause you obviously have not dealt with it.  You know, you are so better off because he is not in your life.  In no way shape or form is he gonna make your life any better. Move on and remember that sometimes family is more than blood. My family is the crapiest. And my life is so much better without them... And not for one second do I feel bad because of the choice that I made to get rid of 'em.  But go to counseling and know that there are people in your life that love you and would do anything for you.. And they are what matters, not pieces of Sh** like him. Good luck to you!

Answer 4

I am so sorry that you have been through this.

No good person deserves this much heartache.

Write this man out of your life. All you will feel when you see him is pain.

He doesn't deserve to be in your life. Please move on.

I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 5

OK so clearly your father was abusive when you were a child living under his roof, he was abusive later on when he gave you a 1/2 a$$ed appology, & disrespected your faith, & is overtly abusive to you even today when he gave such a sick reason as to why he would beat you such as "you were ugly"

So what boggles my mind is why you continue to go back to this man for more abuse.

He was, is, and forever will be an abuser to you & all of his children & anyone else he can victimize.

This poor excuse of a man doesn't deserve to have you in his life, so I suggest that you don't dedicate another thought, moment, or tear for him.

So please, please, please start to heal yourself, & make him the last place you look to as part of that most important process.

Be safe, & be well!

Answer 6

You lived in a hellish place for years because of your dad and now it's time to get yourself healed. I don't if you will ever get the positive affirmation you want from him, it doesn't sound like it. I know it means a lot because he is your dad, but he's not your dad in spirit, is he?  His response to you when you asked shows that he is full of hatred.  Not for you necessarily, but for himself.  Be encouraged that you survived him and his abuse, and you actually thrived.  Please consider seeing a good trauma counselor. With a good counselor you can figure out what level of involvement you want to have with him.  You might consider telling him that you can't forgive the abuse he inflicted on the family until he proves that he is truly sorry, and so far he hasn't done that. The other thing, most religious faiths teach that a person must make amends to be forgiven (you know, atonement?) so far he hasn't done that.

All the best to you!

Answer 7

Don't Forgive Him. Why Should You After He Put You Through All Those Years. If I Was In You're Shoes I'd Goto The Police For Child Abuse And Deny Him Access To You're Kids. Tell Him How You Feel - I Mean He Tried To Kill Your Mum With A Gun! He Needs Help. I'd Get His Man Out Of You're Life For Good & Have No Regrets.

If I Was You I'd Have Probably Already Murdered This Man. Seriously.

He Can't Be Well. I Think For Your Safety & You're Childrens Safety You Should Stay As Far Away As Possible From Him, Deny He Exists - Like He Did To You