Very stressful dream that my wife was cheating on me?

Question

I usually have a variety of non specific dreams that don't affect me or that I can even remember. But for the past couple weeks I have been dreaming very vividly that my wife is having s*x with another man, nobody specific. I don't dream about the s*x - I dream that she is being open with me that she's doing this and that we're still in love and all is well but she just likes to do it. I wake up hurting, totally stressed and I can't get it out of my mind. I have never had a dream wake me up before and affect me for so long with such a realistic feeling. What's going on?

Answer 1

Dreams are a representation of our fears and subconcious thoughts.  Somewhere deep inside you may be worried or troubled that she may be doing this, your self esteem could be lower than usual or you could just be dealing with a little guilt if you have done it yourself (Im not accusing... just offering options).  Talk to her... it does not have to be a "point the finger" sort of conversation... but maybe you just need some re-assurance that you are still her number one... just out of curiosity... have you guys been having regular s*x?  If not this may be part of your issue, it is an important healthy part of any relationship.

Answer 2

shes not.

Answer 3

According to a book I have, dreams of infidelity actually mean a fear of conflict (they have absolutely nothing to do with actually infidelity.) So it could be that subconsciously, you are not afraid of her cheating, but perhaps you are afraid of a hidden conflict..maybe what's leading to the infrequent sexual activity. Could this be a possibility?

Answer 4

Your dream is simple enough as to source but a tough one to conquer emotionally.

It does seem to stem from the very real and visceral signal that you would inevitably have when the habits change as you describe.  We can't help it - actions speak louder than words.  In this case 'lack of action' perhaps if you'll pardon the unintended pun.

What is worrisome is how it hangs on despite the discussions and reassurances.  Only you can really judge the fairness and accuracy of your statement about 'busy family life' as an explanation - but consider this:

While the strong physical and mental message is 'she's not satisfied here - must be someone else' may be arriving when the truth is simply that 'she is not finding the relaxed opportuntiy she needs to engage and enjoy' - due to the very thing you did cite, 'busy family life'.

It is always possible that someone is deceiving another - but you know her.  Unless it is in her to lie to you in her reassurances it is unlikely that your dreaming fears are founded at all.  The other thing you mention as 'freak'n' you out - the great relationship - supports that nothing has changed except 'opportunity', if you do see that as a change that makes for a plausible answer.

Why go through all this so painfully?  To help you get a grip on the monster that this dream is becoming.  It will become destructive unless you can process these points very deliberately.  Look objectively at the whole thing in your waking hours -

- Is the family life so busy - truly changed in ways that interfere with opportunity?  Stress makes for poor fuel to drive a woman's libido.

- Is your wife always reliable and truthful to you?  If that's her history then she's not likely changed but would have trouble concealing an extramarital relationship - or would say something more direct in response to your inquiries.

If children have come along, started school, or parents are ill or having some difficulties requiring her attention - anything of the sort - then you have a 'busy family life' - the thing to consider is 'change for the busier' in this.

If she's always been truthful to you and has an open nature then you have the icing on the cake - a probable treasure who does not deserve the potential consequence of this dream - your eventually overpowering suspicion of her.

Consider too that in change - if the family life has gotten 'busier' - her comfort level and response may be different than yours and the discomfort you may feel in that can simply manifest in this easiest of all conflicts to imagine - a dream of infidelity just as you describe.  In that case it could have nothing to do with s*x - just a perceived change in her that you are not comfortable with.  Perhaps she accepts change easier than you and what you are dreaming is a way for your mind to portray that conflict.

Think these things over - and use the results to come to a rational conclusion.  Make up your mind to be conclusive in it as well.  If doubt is there then deal with that directly, but more than likely it is as you say and you can put this to rest.  

Your drive and needs are probably a bit differently timed than hers and she may be more comfortable with the infrequency than you.  If things are as innocent as they seem then you will need to get a bit more sychronized with her in your thinking on the subject to find success - and you know by now that neither party gets all that they want in all things in marriage.  In doing so the two of you can work together to create more opportunities for intimate time together away from stress and distractions.  

You of course must judge these things for yourself, but hopefully you will find something here that can help you restore your subconsious faith in your wife and make things stronger in what sounds like a time of change.

All the best to you.

Answer 5

Most dreams we have are about ourselves, and not really about the others.

s*x in a dream usually just refers to intimacy.

Your wife could also represent something else, so be sure to look at that aspect as well.  Your wife could represent your job, or your business, or any aspect of your life that you're committed to.

Could there be something affecting one of those areas?