Very upset over comments my dad and step-mum have made.?

Question

On friday my dad came to visit from dorset. He picked me up from college and brought along my 4 month old daughter. They were taking me back to my mums in a different town as I live with my nan in another town.

I over heard them saying that they had all my daughters things in their car, like her milk, her pushchair, car seat, clothes, nappies and bottles and they could have easily took her back to dorset with them and I wouldnt have cared, thinkin I could not have heard them. This really upset me as I love my daughter more then anything in the world and would be highly distressed even suicidal if anything did happen to her. I would not put it passed them to do it either. They even said shortly after I had her that they would take her anytime.

When I found out I was pregnant with her they asked me could they have her because they thought I would not have been a good mum to her, they also thought I was going to abort her and I would not have been able to cope.

I am very upset over this and even feel like dis owning them. They keep asking me to visit them, even though before I had my daughter they would never ask me and if I did ask they would make excuses. They live in a 5 bedroom house and she has 2 grown up children living there, and they kept saying there is no room.

They think I am incapable of looking after my daughter because I am only 17. They think it is my fault for anything that goes wrong with her, Like she suffers mild reflux, to them that is me being a bad parent . They also said really horrible things when I had to stop breastfeeding after collapsing though severe anemia. They keep telling me they are going to take her.

I dont know what to do I am at my wits end, I have tried cutting of contact but I cant do it completely as I live with my dads mum and have no where else to go. My uncles have threatened to kill him over it because they see how badly it is upsetting me.

They cannot have children and I think they see this as their only hope. They are baby obsessed. They even try to take over their friends one year old. I really dont know what to do any more. I just want to be left alone and be in peace with my daughter. They way it should be.

What can I do?

Please help!

Answer 1

Tell them you know what they think but it will cost them - if they carry on the way they are going then they will lose their grandaughter - simple.

Talk to your nan - get her on side.

College has finished now so there's no reason why you can't be there with your daughter when anyone looks after her.

Answer 2

I dont think they can take her from you, even if it came down to fighting you for her and trying to prove you're a bad parent you could willinglly give her to like your mom or grandma i think and it'd be settled, but i'm not exactly sure how that goes becasue it sounds like you like in the UK. i live in the states and here the grandparents have no right to their grandchildren if their son/daughter wanted to cut them out there isnt a thing they could do about it...I'm sure they wouldnt really go through with it becasue if you have a job and place to stay you know a roof over your and your baby's heads and a way to support her (even if you live wiht like your grandma) they couldnt take her they would be taking apretty big chance in the legal system i think especially since you ahve your uncles support. i think you're jsut going to have to stick it out get a job and once you have stable income move out and then cut off your contact then

Answer 3

hi,i have read your quiestion,and firstly i am very proud of you,that you love your baby.they have no right to take your child,unless you are an unfit mum,doing drugs or a alcoholic.my advice to you is find another mum that will take care of you and your child.who loves you for you and your daughter.nobody can take your child then.good luck to both of you.and keep in touch if you want to.rubber duck.x

Answer 4

Honey, dont let your parents do that to you. Your daughter needs you. My son also has acid reflux and that is nothing you can cause. It is herridatary. Dont worry about the. Be a mother to your lil one. That is the most rewarding thing you can do. Be responsible and take a stand. If your in school and working find a daycare or someone to watch her and prove to your parents that she is happy, healthy and well taken care of. Age is just a number whether your 17 or 30 parents still talk to you that way. Dont let it happen. Make a stand for yourself and tell them you want them in your life, and in your daughters but if they cant respect your wishes and let you raise your daughter how you see fit then they will not be allowed in your life. Take a stand for yourself and your daugter! Good luck if u need to talk message me!

Answer 5

Sweetheart i am a 62yr old grandmother and my heart goes out to you.Your step-mother is not a blood relative therefore has no legal rites to your daughter.The information the a previous answer gave (ROCKKIII)  are correct and i would follow them.The only thing i ask is steer clear of drugs these are one of the only times courts will remove children from parents except for abuse.Keep your baby clean,warm.well fed and most of all give her love if you do all these things no one,courts or otherwise can take your daughter.Also my love takecare of yourself,smile and hold your head up high for i bet your daughter is beautiful and so are you.All the best and good luck.

Answer 6

Visit your local council and housing associations and put your name on the waiting lists for a house of your own. You will obtain priority as you have a child. You will also obtain assistance for helping with furniture so that you can make a home for you and your baby and not have to rely on others so that you can bring up your daughter on your own without interference.

Answer 7

Well the same thing happened to my sister she had a kid when she was 17 and my mum n gran both said it would probably be better to take him off her but she said no and after a while she managed to prove them wrong.

Answer 8

ignore them and prove them wrong that you CAN cope..

i was 20 when my son was born and family said i'd never cope, i'd not bring him up well etc....Well i've proven them wrong. He's 17 next month has just got very good exam results, he starts collage next month and plans to got uni. He's never been in any trouble with the law etc.. He's mildly dyspraxic but that's not cos of bad parenting etc.. i'm so proud of him and myself but best of all my family are proud of us both

Answer 9

They are disgusting jealous p****.  Ask them straight out to stop making these comments.  You are doing a good job, and managing when you are only 17 is great.

Good luck x

Answer 10

im sorry but I would not trust them in any way! I would not go to stay with them and explain to your dad on the phone that you think his behaviour is inappropriate and unwelcome.  

Answer 11

JUST IGNORE THEM!!!

they are obviously jelous of what you have, and there behaviour is like a 12 yr olds, you are obviously alot more mature in every way compared too them

so what if you are 17, you are obviously a great mum, and as far as visiting them, then thats up too you if you do not want too then DONT!

You just get n wth raising your daughter, and be around people who care about you both, enjoy your little girl and do not let them bother you, you are woth more than them, do not lower yourself too there chldish ways.

nikita x x  

Answer 12

First off let me say how brave you are for keeping your baby. I'm 17 and I would struggle!

The thing is they could try and take your baby away, but the courts would never allow it. You are her mother no matter what age you are, they have no legal custody over her. If you were neglecting your daughter then the courts would decide what happens to her and would put her in care rather than giving her to our dad. I'm not saying you are neglecting her I'm just telling you how it's done and that.

You could cut off contact completely, even if your nan threw you out, you would go to the council and declare yourself homeless and they would find you emergency accommodation for you and your baby and eventually find you somewhere to live. They always do it because there is a baby involved. Plus the fact that you are only a year away from being 18 helps matters a lot. Once you are 18 you are legally and adult and have the rights of adults. Though you can cut off contact whenever you choose. I have done with some of my family (b******s the lot of em) lol

How about talking to your mum or your uncle? There must be someone who cares enough to help you. Just keep looking after your daugter and yourself and try not to worry yourself because they CAN'T take her away without your consent or they could be accused of kidnapping.

Check out this site if you need to

http://www.shelter.org.uk/

Good luck, I hope it gets better for you xx