Very very upset need help ?

Question

i have a deppressing problem.I and my husband moved 600 miles to help get my sister back on her feet she got hooked up with drugs and lost her children due to neglect,lost her high paying job because of drugs basicly hit rock bottom so we packed our life up and moved home to help i got a job my husband got a job my sister got the treatment she needed and the kids are home on a trial bases she got a job everything is good but now my husband and i decided to move 6 miles away we needed our own space well now my sister is back in her depressing ways she was fine with the move we talked about it now im the worst person in the world just walking away from her and the kids (im six miles away) telling me i wasent family and never wanted to talk to me again i dont know what i did wrong she was fine with the move and happy and boom all heck broke lose she even said i would have to plan her funeral im just so upset please help

Answer 1

is she still taking drugs? her comedowns could be talking

or the withdrawl

just understand that even though it is her fault that she toook the drugs in the first place, what is coming into her mind right now is not entirely her, depending on the drugs she's taken, (whereas in the case of acid, used excessively) she could have developed mental illness, or she could have just developed mental illness all on her own.

Watch that she takes good care of her kids, don't let anything happen to them.

Answer 2

It's the drugs talking.  My daughter thinks I'm the worst person in the world because I found out she's hooked on cocaine and tried to get help for her.  She's about to lose custody of her 10-month-old daughter.  Her daughter was born addicted to cocaine and spent the first 6 days of her life going through de-tox.  Only thing my daughter cares about is cocaine.  

You tried to help.  It's time to let your sister take the consequences of her irresponsible behavior.  That's what I'm doing with my daughter.  I can't even go to her house to see my granddaughter, I have to go to a family friend's house to see her.  My daughter has a gun and said she'd shoot me if I came to her house - and I believe her.  She's off the deep end.  

Drug addicts are very good at blaming everybody else for their problems.  Being overly helpful to them isn't really helpful.  They have to hit rock bottom however many times it takes for them to see what they're doing to themselves.

Answer 3

She probably knew she couldn't stop you from moving, so maybe she pretended everything was ok. and maybe it didn't really hit her at the time what the move would mean. You decided to move away BECAUSE of her, she had to have gotten that if she didn't figure it out. It is not your fault, but she put 2 and 2 together. She is probably depressed because she feels isolated. Maybe she feels no one cares about her... or she just started a rough patch in her life, and the reality of your being away hit her harder.

It is hard to tell from your post whether you're looking for an answer to make her less depressed, or is it mainly her behavior upsetting you. Maybe it is both. If so, try to get out to see her more. If she doesn't want to speak with you, it may be because she doesn't think you like her enough to be near her. It may be less painful for her not to speak with you, then to speak with you with the feeling in the back of her mind that you didn't want to be near her.

She definitely needs help, but it would help her more if you tell her that you are there for her...listen. Also, you did a lot for her, so it is understandable that you want a reprieve. Also, in her mind, what you did for her in the past probably doesn't add up to a thing...she isn't thinking about that. She is only (most likely) thinking about what in her mind you took away from her. Either way, you have been a wonderful sister, and your reaction is perfectly normal under the circumstances. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. But understand it from her perspective too, she probably feels very alone right now.

Answer 4

Sounds like the sister has big problems.  Possibly more than the substance abuse.  People sometimes self medicate with drugs because they are feeling so bad.

Answer 5

Hey Girl,

First off how many people do you know that would have done what you did? Not many I bet. You are such a good person for even doing that. Its probably the drugs that are talking for her but you and your husband should be so proud of yourselves for doing everything that you did do. I am sure you are sad, I am sure it hurts but you know what? Look at all that you have done. You moved 6 miles away from her after moving 600 miles to her. Your husband supported you (good for him) and you are doing whatever you can do.

So you needed your space? Wow. Sometimes sweety people really have to figure their lives out for themselves. We cannot save the world. My sister has had issues her entire life, I am there for her, soemtimes she says similiar things to be but she is gets over it.

She needs help and sometimes as hard as it is to accept it has to come from someone else. Like a professional. You are so great to do all that you did and your sister should be very very thankful for that. She is in a stage and hopefully she gets past it but no matter what please don't risk your entire life and sanity for your sister. She needs to deal with some things herself. Just think of all you have already done.

Great job and she is truly lucky to have you.

Answer 6

it's the drugs talking.  six miles really isn't that far, she should be happy that you've come to her rescue!  Just don't lose faith in her and keep on truckin', eventually (hopefully) she'll realize what you mean to hear and all you've done.  

Answer 7

I'd get my husband to give her a good talking to, saying that his family have already made a lot of sacrifices on her behalf, and are prepared to help her, and her children out further, but it is important that she realises and accepts that they (your family) can't be there forever as her support base, and as she goes through this period of recovery, she would be well advised to start making some longer term plans, and deciding where, and how she wants to raise her children, and what alternative local support base she is going to make for herself, and them.

He could also say that, although he realises that she is still far from 100%, when she is, he would appreciate it if she told you she was sorry for what she said to you, but only when she is really ready to.

Check out section 52, on drugs, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris which has some useful advice & weblinks for her: print; give to your husband to hand to his sister, saying that it was your suggestion and efforts on her behalf (but he should NOT mention your part in this, until some time later, or she may well reject it, out of hand). Let her think it came from him: the important thing now is to help her to get well.

Answer 8

You and your husband are wonderful caring people. Your sister is lucky to have you in her life, she has probably reacted badly out of fear of coping by herself.

You have a life of your own to live and she will understand this once she realises you are not abandoning her just letting her get on with her life with one crutch instead of two.

Its like taking the training wheels off her bicycle, she feels ready to try but she is frightened of falling and getting hurt therefore over-reacting. Carry on with your planned move, ignore her tantrum and involve her as much as you can. She knows how much you love her because you are there as evidence.

Good Luck to all of you

Answer 9

Debbie,Please don't get upset,My dear.  It sounds like you had done everything you could without running your sister's own life.  You wanted to do this so your sister could get back on her feet.  She did just that.  You thought she'd be okay so you felt you needed to move on.  She thought she'd be okay with your move.  I guess she was wrong.  It sounds like your sister and her kids grew too attached to you.  They felt that you were going to be in their life forever.  That was very selfish of them to think that way.  You have a family of your own.  You have your own life to think about.  And answer me this,Debbie.  Isn't 6 miles better than 600 miles?  Have you ever told your sister that she isn't welcome to visit you?  No,No you haven't.  It sounds like your sister needs to grow up and stop being so selfish.  You and your husband have bent over backwards to help your sister.  You two even helped to bring her children back to her.  Babe,Please don't get upset,Please.  You are not the worst person in the world.  You did not just walk away from your sister.  You asked her,You asked her if she'd be okay.  If she wasn't alright with it,She should've told you this.  I'm sorry but I am just getting teary-eyed right now.  What you need to do is to discuss with your husband about having a heart to heart with your sister.  Tell this sister how she is making you feel.  It'd be more effective if you do this in person.  Once you settle in,Invite your sister over.(Heck,It's just 6 miles away.)  Ask your husband of yours to give you some hugs and kisses.  You are one terrific person.  I only wish I had a loving caring sister like you.  Unfortunately,I have been cursed with 2 brothers. lol.  I've gotta get going......I'm sorry bout that.  You have your husband give you an extra hug for me,Okay?  Have a goodnight and God bless.  Bye for now.