Vietnames Woman adopting from Vietnam?

Question

I am in the process of finding an agency to adopt a child from Viet Nam as a single parent, I have been doing this WAY before Angelina Jolie. Some of the Vietnamese people that I have discussed this with tell me that I should just get married and have my own. I guess I am Americanized because I feel that I do not need a man in my life to raise a child. I am a successful Vietnamese woman who want to have a child. Don't get me wrong, I hold on to my traditions and take it very seriously. I would like to know your thoughts.

Answer 1

I think it is kind of racist to only choose a Vietnamese child to adopt. How about a Cambodian? Or, if you live in the US, any local child in need of a parent? Something to give back to the country that first adopted you.

  If you have some special thing to share with them, Vietnamese work ethic, etc. it wont  be wasted on any of them, trust me.

Answer 2

Go for it! Any child would be proud to have even one person take an interest in them and get them away from a childhood of being ignored. From my experience many adoption agencies will work with you as a single parent and prepare you for all the rigors. My recommendation for you is Vista Del Mar, they do specialize in international adoption and are very caring. They are in Los Angeles but if you don't live in the area they can still work with you, check it out www.vistadelmar.org. Ask for International Adoptions.

Answer 3

Go ahead, the child has better future with you.

Answer 4

I'm half Vietnamese and I married my Vietnamese wife last year in Hanoi. I commend you on your success and independence. However, in all due respect, I have to question your respect for Vietnamese traditions as well as pointing out some issues that I see in your efforts to adopt a child from Vietnam.

Vietnamese society (as well as most other Asian societies) is family oriented, while American society is individually oriented. That in mind, Vietnamese women do not share the same values as you do as an American woman. Most Vietnamese women see their ultimate life accomplishment as making their family happy. They see their role in taking care of their children and husband being much more important than financial accomplishments. You obviously disagree with such life goals, and that will cause a problem with your dealings in Vietnam.

Being a single parent is much more accepted here in American, but it is seen as a tragedy in Vietnam. For a woman intentionally choosing to raise a child alone is something that most Vietnamese will not understand, which is why you have been given the suggestion of finding a husband and making your own babies.

You compared yourself to Angelia Jolie, but I don't think you realize how different you appear to the Vietnamese. I see a few good reasons why Angelia Jolie was able to easily adopt children while you're having so much trouble.

1) She's an international celebrity

2) She has a history of adopting other Asian orphans

3) She's not Vietnamese be it native or otherwise

Remember that you're dealing with a government and society that can be quite different from America. Fair or not, the rules applied to her can be much different than the rules applied to you.

My advice is you need to concentrate on what YOU need to do to adopt a child from Vietnam, and forget about what Angela Jolie did. You need to understand your advantages and disadvantages as an American Viet Kieu. Concentrate on using YOUR strengths and not the strengths of someone else.

Good luck to you!

Answer 5

If you can save one child's life, I don't see what the problem is. At least this way, a child has a loving home rather than lives in an orphanage.

I  hope you can adopt a child. I'm a traditional Vietnamese as you can get. However, there are something outdated about our culture, I don't miss them if we don't live the same way we used to live. I give you an example-mother-in-law. Way back when, when a woman gets married, she belongs to the in-laws. Nowadays, the in-laws should respect her as an individual and she doesn't belong to anyone. She may marry their son, but she's not married his whole family. It's not about Americanized (I hate this word) it's about men and women should be treated equally with respect . I lived with my in-laws for 8 months. That was h**l. At the same time, their daughter married an American and their son-in-law was and is treated like God. Whats good for the goose is good for the gandar. It not always works that way.

Go ahead and adopt a child. You must have a big heart to do so. You don't need to explain why you should adopt a child. I'd rather have one loving parent than 2 who constantly jump down each others throat. (No, I have wonderful and loving parents in case you wonder about my comment) You know what I mean. :-)

Who knows this child may have a father later on. She never said that she won't get marry. If you have brothers or sisters, your child still has role models in his/her life. Not because you're not married, a child misses a wonderful home life. If you want to adopt and the Vietnamese government allows you to do so, why not adopt a Vietnamese child. This has nothing to do with Angelina Jolie. She just said she has this thought before Angelina adopted a child from Vietnam. She doesn't compare herself with Angelina Jolie.

Darren-it's good that you have your wife helping you to raise your children. Life can be funny sometimes. We can't predict the future. God forbid if you ever get a divorce, what are you going to do?

Answer 6

You want a child? You can help a child? You would love it? Then go for it...

quote: Some of the Vietnamese people that I have discussed this with tell me that I should just get married and have my own.

Nobody has to say what you should or shouldn't do. It is your life and your decision.

Of course, adopting a child is not only for "Christmas" but for the rest of your lives.

I sincerely hope you'll find a nice and lovely child, that you can love, guide, hug, educate and that would give you back his/her big smiles and love..

Good luck!

Answer 7

I must be old fashioned, I think a child will always do better with a mother and a father. Each contributes to raising the child in their own unique way. I don't think children with single parents grow up as well adjusted.

In a similar fashion boys that grow up with sisters are better with dealing with girl friends or wives because they know that they'll never truely understand women. (Also goes in reverse for girls and brothers.)

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When dealing with extra curricular activities that children do such as soccer games and such or even scheduling who drops jr off at school is much easier with two parents. When I was single I wouldn't even have a pet unless I had someone else living with me. It isn't fare to the pet should I have to be away from the house for an extended period of time. How could I ever think of rasing a child by myself. --Currently I'm happly married with one son and two daughters. I would not even consider raising them without my wife.

Answer 8

You will not feel lonely to have a child with you, a child will warm and make your life happier. You are a lovely person.

Answer 9

You should go for it. These children are in need of a loving home be it with one parent or two. At least there is a parent out there to raise them.

My husband and I are in the process of adopting from Vietnam. You want to choose a reputable agency that has been in business in Vietnam for a while. This will help ensure that paperwork and stuff are ready on time so you don't get delayed when you go pick up your baby. We selected Dillon Adoption as our agency.. it was highly recommended by a friend of a friend who just recently finished her Vietnamese adoption in Dec 2006.

The agency should quote your total cost of an adoption by around $24K-$27K...depending on travel expenses. Find out if your company will offer adoption assistance where you can get money reimbursed for the adoption fees. Also, you can get a tax credit of like $12K on your taxes from the IRS.

Make sure you research the agency before you do anything.

Answer 10

I don't see anything wrong with your thoughts.  It would help out a deserving child too.  Raise the child in the old traditions and they will grow up to be a responsible loving adult.  Good Luck.  cheers.