Violent 4 year old with ADHD. HELP!?

Question

Okay there is a lot going on with my 4 year old son. He was recently diagnosed with ADHD and I will be starting him on Daytrana shortly. But what I am dealing with right now makes me want to pull the hair out of my head. I am dealing with constant temper tantrums, Kicking, biting, screaming, spitting, hitting and all that comes along with temper tantrums. I have tried to swat him on the bottom to get his attention or putting him the corner and that only fuels the problem. I have taken away priviledges for misbehaving and it does not work! He is not only violent towards me but also the babysitter who is my best friend. He has kicked her in the throat, nose, sternum and the stomach. He has said deliberately that it would be funny if she fell out of her wheelchair into the garbage can. He also said she was too fat for her shower chair. He has also taken her chair across the living room when she would sit on the couch and give her a deliberate no when she asks for it back nicely. I am at my wit's end with this. Can someone please help me?!?!? I am running out of patience with this. I have tried to take him to the park and let him run off some of the energy he has and he has friends his age and that's not the issue at all. When he does not behave he looses priviledges. He has only been allowed to play outside once in the past 2 weeks due to bad behavior. I have tried to reward him for good behavior and that does not work either! HELP!

Answer 1

OK, this is a prime example of a young child that is in need of medication.  You are doing everything right.  One option that you could explore is taking him to a behavior modification specialist.  Also have him evaluated by an OT for sensory issues, it may be contributing to the problems he is having.  Many times young children are thought to be ADHD and its really just sensory as in the case with my son.  Based upon the severity of your son's behavior I don't think that he doesn't have ADHD, I think he has it, but it is a possibility that he has sensory issues as well.  My middle son was really out of control and miserable most of the time from ages 18 months to 2.5 years.  We used to call him Oscar-for Oscar the grouch.  He even had a shirt of the Roger Hargrove little miss, mr. men books the Mr. Happy shirt as in a joke.  Now he seems so much more pleasant.  I do think that he needs lots of exercise, so I would be reluctant in taking that away.  

Answer 2

You should have disciplined him when he was younger and you wouldn't have these problems now. My step son was the same way when I met him at the age of 4 ironically.

His mom and teachers chimed up the ADHD c**p, and they wanted to put a child on drugs just as you have done. I told my now wife, that if she put a FOUR YEAR OLD on DRUGS because SHE failed to properly parent him and instill discipline in him, I was gone.

I explained that all he needed was some SERIOUS correction, and I could provide that for her. Many butt whippings and hard line tactics later; the boy is one of the best mannered and behaved children you will ever meet.

If you really want to correct his behavior, you need to remind him who the parent is in this relationship because clearly he hasn't a clue. You don't debate with kids, bribe them to behave, or allow them choices. They either do what you tell them to do or face SERIOUS consequences.

Edit:

Well you need to send his *** to my house then. I'll fix him right up, and send you an angel back.

Seriously, if punishing him just makes him worse, to me I would think you neglect to do so because you'd rather not increase the disobedience...again, who's controlling who here?

He is controlling you by displaying behavior that is HIGHLY unacceptable and you're allowing it. So what he throws a bigger tantrum when he is being punished! YOU throw a bigger tantrum and whip his behind until he shuts up!

That ignore them and come back later stuff isn't going to accomplish anything. I'd give his backside all the attention it’s asking for with the fits that he's throwing and assert myself as the LONE authority in his life. I heard Bill Cosby say once, "I brought you in this world, and I'll take you out". Certainly he didn't mean it in a literal sense, but you get the picture.

My sister was having problems with my nephew fighting her when she would spank him or tries and punish him. She sent him to my house for a weekend and he got in trouble along with the rest of the kids. Everyone took their spanking, and when I got to him, he takes a single swat, turns around and punches me in the stomach. I grabbed that arm, put him face first into the carpet, sat on him, and tore his *** up. He threw a fit, I threw a bigger one...see the concept.

The chic talking about sensory issues. The only sensory he needs is a belt and some duck walking for MILES.

Answer 3

You need to punish him severely when he does this. ADHD is not an excuse for this behavior and medicine really won't help it. When he does this, punish him SEVERELY. Even if it makes him angrier, he needs to know to stop. I suggest creating a safe place in your home where he can go when he does this (if his room doesn't have things that he could hurt himself with, put him in there). Show him who's the boss. Honestly make him hurt a bit, or make him cry...just enough to show him that he CANNOT do this and he must behave.

EDIT: You say that this only makes him worse. Quit giving him ANY attention and send him to his room. When his rampage is done, bring him out and tell him why he was punished. And if he gets more destructive, spank his hind end HARD. I wouldn't normally say this, but honestly I think you need to scare the **** out of him to make him realize that what he is doing is absolutely unacceptable. If he cries, he cries. Don't bruise him though.

Answer 4

My heart goes out for you!  You do need help!  This is beyond ADHD.  The biggest advice I would give you is don't quit and BE CONSISTENT with whatever you do.  Give whatever method you try a month or two to see if it helps before giving up on that method.  And if something works for a while, it might quit working later.  Ask yourself if you get need to change the reward or be more consistent with it first.

I would also work on his logic.  When he misbehaves, have him tell you he's sorry and what he did wrong.  Kids (and adults!) have such a hard time admitting they're wrong!  But make sure he knows and understands why he's in trouble.

Another idea to think about, get a man in his life to help back you up and be stern and consistent when you can't or he's worn you down.  Pick someone that will be committed to him for the years to come if his dad can't be the one.

A step to help answer this is something I got from my mom.  If one of my children throws a tantrum or starts whining, they are sent strait to their rooms to bed.  My thinking is, if they are not being social, they are removed from the social environment.  I tell them, "Oh, you're acting tired, I think you need a nap."  I don't know how many times they have fallen asleep and awoke in better moods!  However, if he's got too much in his room to get into or he won't stay on his bed, start taking toys away and don't give them back- really.  Show him that you are giving them to Goodwill or another charity, to children who "deserve" them.  

So that's the negative reinforcement, now for the positive.  I try not to just buy my kids stuff or treat foods so I can use it as a reward.  You can do a sticker chart for kindness and good behavior at home and at his sitter's.  With young kids it sometimes helps if they see the reward first and it's put up high (on the frig maybe) where they can't get it but are reminded of it.  I reward good behavior while we are out and about with fast food trips and we don't buy it any other time.

And lastly, at times you have to teach your child how it feels to be hurtful to others (it sound like he's got a mean spirit on the rise...)  So, not every time, but I have showed my young one what hair pulling feels like or a bite back.  I'm never left marks or broken skin, I'm not talking about abuse, but it's something children need to learn and it's worked for me.

And wait and see what the meds will do.  I have an autistic child with crazy behavior and meds don't fit them, but they do help. I'll be praying for God to give you strength!

Answer 5

ok every on is goin to tell u how u should of done this or that. when i was six my doctors told my mom i had ADD i am a day dreamer. well come to find out your son is very smart mom. be proud of him and mad at your school. our schools are make for every kid is the same and works the same way. u need to find something he loves something that he has to think about something that no matter what it is never done. my sisters boy is the same way as your son. he love blocks cause he can build and build and never end and take it down and redo it. there is a book by a buy that has ADD and he tells how u can help your kids and he was never on meds and tells people never to do it. i was put on reltin i think that is how u spell it and wow did it mess with me. i would get pains and no one would believe me. one time it was so bad that i fell to the floor in third grade. do u guys have a dog. he needs something that he has to put work into. he needs to be changllened. and mom sorry to say some disapline from both u and dad but u have to be on the same page. and hey i have seen it on the nanny spend some time with him but make it fun make sure u are always doing something that he likes. and with dad too. make days for just him and dad and just u and him and the three of u. oh and doctors wont tell u every thing. ask as many question as u can and let your son too. the more the better u will understand this all. well good luck hoped i help.

Answer 6

My husband and I both have ADHD and I have found that taking fish oil has been a great big help. My 2 year old started to lash out and we put him on children's cod liver oil(organic version) and he is also doing great on it. I have also noticed that MSG makes my husband and I to have severe mood swings. Your doctor may say these findings are wrong but let me tell you to just give it a try and see. Please do a search engine search on the dangers of MSG and good luck to you.

Answer 7

OK so Whit is on the right track her with the rewards for good behavior and all. Yes fish oil helps with ADHD to a point as others have pointed out. But I'm going to tell you the HARDEST thing to do for you and your Son but end the end will make the biggest difference! No more TV no more Video games. A recent study has shown that kids that watch TV and video games on regular bases are more likely to be diagnosed with ADHD. Now here’s why. When kid are young their brains are still being wired and learning how to operate. The TV and video games are constant stimulation. There are colors changing, screen moving, sounds and so much going on so quick! This wires there brain to think and react just as quickly and they are boarded quickly and fine themselves constantly needing this great amount of stimuli. It's hard to do for the first month or so, but in the end it's worth it. Also make sure he's sleeping well. Most kids that have ADHD have a hard time sleeping because the brain is still going at what I now call TV speed! You can give him melatonin to help him sleep. You can find that in the Vitim's section at Wal-Mart. it's the normal hormone your Body releases when the sun goes down, so it not habit forming and doesn't come with side effects. This is not something you have done don't lesion to all the people trying to blame this on you they have apparently never dealt with this before. They have not been in your shoes!

But the 2 best things to help you get started on the right track are NO TV or Video games, and get him sleeping good. Then move on to the reward system. Also find a behavioral specialist to see. They can help you set up the reward programs and all.

Answer 8

Hi There I would get him on the medication as soon as you can, My brother has ADHD and when he was as young as 2 he broke all the rails on his timber cot, used to chase us around with a stick (I was 12) children with this are like little monsters My heart goes out to you I know how hard my mum handled it.  Even when he started preschool he had a really bad day and bite and kicked the principle and it took 2 big grade 7's to even hold on to him. Punishment didn't work it was like he didn't feel it. But as soon as he got on medication he did so much better it calmed him down.