Violent boyfriend who self harms...

Question

He flies off the handle when he has a drink and has a bad history of self harming, he does it when I threaten to leave, I think it is why I am still with him. He had a bottle of wine tonight and smashed up the kitchen and blamed it all on me being horrible to him.

He is in the living room now, It is 5:25 am and I cannot go anywhere, my family live 200 miles away and I am on my own here with him. I can hear him sniffling away in the other room, i am so confused and feel so stupid for ever getting involved. Please help!

Answer 1

Baby, run,flee and do not tell him you are leaving, JUST GO!!! There are way too many homicides in the US where a man has killed his girlfriend or wife because of violence. Maybe they didn't mean to, but those women are dead just the same. There is a circle of violence. It starts like this. He hits you, and then he is sorry. He cries, and begs you not to leave, and promises he will never do it again. And then it starts all over again.Don't believe it. Even if he hasn't hit you yet, don't wait till he does.  If necessary,call the police to help you get your things and go home. Your family will help you. Run, and run fast. If your family can't help you, there are woman's shelters. The police will know where to take you. I will be praying for you, sweetheart.

Answer 2

I'm sorry, but he either needs to get help or you need to leave him. I stayed in a relationship where I was blamed constantly for all my ex's problems and after he got tired of breaking stuff, he then started choking me in my sleep and I would wake up with him on top of me. He is looking for someone to blame, and that will never change until he discovers what makes him like that. Please just get out if he's that violent. If he hurts himself, he would probably hurt himself with or without you being there. If you don't feel secure tonight, try and call the police and just have them escort you to the police station and call someone or have them take you to a women's shelter. I don't know where you live, but there are those types of services in most areas. Please don't do like I did and waste your time with someone who wants someone to experience the same misery as him.

Answer 3

If he hurts you? then call the police

Answer 4

Once they even start with the 'If you leave, I'm going to *insert bad thing here* myself," it's time to get the h**l out of there.  Seriously.  I know you don't have anywhere to go, but you can't stay with a raging lunatic.  If you're not going to commit him (which is hard to do), then take your chances and crash with a friend.  Is that boy taking pills?  Sounds like he needs some.

Answer 5

please please please leave him. my EX started the same way and it eventually led to abuse, even broke my foot. i know you feel bad and its hard- but he WANTS you to feel that way, which is why he does it.

there are alot of places that will help you get away, no matter where you live.

Answer 6

HE smashes up the kitchen, but it's all YOUR fault? Does that make sense to you, because it sure doesn't to me! This guy has got major problems, with the worse part (to me) being that he blames you for HIS actions. Maybe he hasn't hit you, but the mental, emotional and spiritual abuse is equally harmful. Please, remove yourself from this situation. Your family is a long way away, but not far enough that they can't be there in a matter of hours to help you. In the meantime, the police will help you to find a place where you will be safe. Disregard his threats to harm himself, that's just more of his emotional blackmail - he won't do anything, don't worry.

Please, ring the police, or your family, straight away. The most important consideration here is your safety, and you know you aren't safe now. You deserve better than this, and you can do better. God bless!

Answer 7

Do not stay with someone because they are using emotional blackmail to make you stay.

Blaming you because he smashed up the kitchen is typical behaviour from someone who has no conscience, no self control and thinks that this is how he is going to make you stay.

You need to make a plan to get away.

Are there any Women's Shelters in the area where you live?  If so,  when he is sleeping tomorrow you need to pack a few things and go there.  If you need to return to get the rest of your belongings, see if you can get a friend to go with you, or the Police if you need them there to make sure you are safe.

There may be organizations in the town where you live which will help you get the money to be able to return home to your family.

Please get help, you are in danger where you are.

EDIT:  He would not "accidentally" hit you - he knows exactly what he is doing - he is intimidating you and trying to convince you that everything is your fault - he has almost done it too!

What you said in your previous question is classic - he is older than you, he has moved away with you from your supportive people so you are now with him and isolated from them.

There are people who recognize the weaknesses of others and zero in on them.  You are "weaker" than he is, you are now far from home and so you are a convenient and easy target for him to vent his anger on you.

All this is no accident, it was planned by him when he first met you.

Do yourself a favour and get out - or get HIM out - even if you have to call the police.

Every day we read of women in your position who don't want to hurt the feelings of the men who are violent and brutal, they end up either badly beaten up or dead.

Talk to a councelor at Uni, talk to the Police, talk to someone from a Women's Shelter, talk to your parents or an Aunt or Uncle, but whatever you do GET AWAY FROM HIM.

Answer 8

you know

we don't

can you do something to calm him down

maybe put his favorite show on

or maybe just leave him alone

be in another room until he goes to sleep

i don't know what works, just be careful

not to make him more upset

good luck

Answer 9

get away as fast as you can. i understand that you ant and you cant just live with not knowing whether or not you will be alive tomorow. Not only is this relationship physically unhealthy, it is also mentally unhealthy he blames you for things he has done and you are isolated from your family. Get him some help if you can, get in contath his family try to get their help, call a hotline whatever it takes. But i think you've tried enough, you can't just live for another person, you have to live for yourself. You need to make yourself happy. You sound smart enough if u recognize that there is a problem....i think you sort of already know what to do.

Answer 10

Go to a shelter as fast as you can.  He's an alcoholic and you can't "fix" alcoholism.  Only he can help himself...and he obviously doesn't want to.  Get out.  Drive the 200 miles to your family...or else, get a bus ticket...go to a shelter...just get out.  People like that will take you right down with them.  Been there, done that...GET OUT.  Be safe...and take care.

Answer 11

put him out hen i had same life years ago he didnt harm himself wen i put him out so go on do it or even you leave him whatever is easiest good luck

Answer 12

i would get some help..if he ever touches you get out asap...and call 911...its' never right for a man to hit a woman..i would call your parents and tell them what's going on..you need to leave him asap...he need to go to rehab it sounds like he has a problem with drinking..i would go back with your family and would have no future contact with him..he isn't worth your time...

Answer 13

CALL THE POLICE IF HE STARTS HITTING YOU.

Don't disobey him...He could hurt you even more.

Are you at his place right now??

Or yours?!

If he hits your --SELF-DEFENCE!

I HOPE YOU ARE NOT LYING.

Answer 14

you need to get away from him and not blame yourself for anything that he may do.  my aunt is in a relationship with a guy like him and he hits her and is always tearing up c**p.  its best for you and your future to get as far away from him as possible and to stay away.  do yourself a favor and leave as soon as possible even if you have to sneak away when he is sleeping.  you have to do what is best for you

Answer 15

get out of there!! call the police the next time he gets drink and go home to your family. get out get out get out this is serious go home to your family

Answer 16

dont make his problems be ur problems. do whats best for you i know thats hard because yall have a relationship but you really do need to get the heck out of there if you think you could be in danger or if your not happy. find somewhere to go, a friends house or family member.