Vision of a life , pls rate and comment?

Question

Rust....

Rust covering a soul

a soul tangled up in chains

chains wrapping the spirit

to the body...

Over a lifetime,

Chains break away,

one by one,

Every weakness conquered,

Every mission,

God wants us to do,

Accomplished...

When time is right,

the soul flies away,

Leaving the body,

It no longer needs,

And yet every time,

A chain,

manages to remain on the soul,

The love that he left,

In memories....

Answer 1

It was pretty good actually. YOu have a good idea going on, but i think that you could go back to it and put more work into it. im not saying its bad, but you need to put more creativity in it. Poetry is about expressing onself creatively. There are many images that you have in youre poem, describe them deeply in order to grab the reader into youre perspective. A poem is never done as i say. But keep at it, and i hope to see this poem again.

Answer 2

Je vais essayer de te répondre au mieux.

Comme une lettre pensées de nuages des cieux.

Au corps reste une de poussière.

Et en devenir une de boue

Il faut devenir amalgame de glaise

Pour que potier en faire de nous le fruit.

Every time I look to my hands

I know the place he took in

And my spirit like my skin

Say how he love so much for me