Visitation/Custody question....?

Question

My husband and his ex gf have been at each other for nine years regarding their daughter. They were never married, and split up when she was three months old. There are no court orders in place for child support, custody, or visitation. Their daughter does live with her mother, and sees her father when her mother allows it. Two years ago they verbally agreed(yeah, now he realizes how stupid that was) on child support and visitation schedule. In November of last year, they got into an argument regarding some after school activities that was cutting into my husbands visitation. So his ex decided he wasn't going to see her unless she said so. Anyways, my husband hired an attorney in January to try to get legal papers drawed up regarding child support and visitation. Now, nine months later they are still fighting over the papers and neither will sign. He is willing to give her sole physical custody, tax exemption every year, child support, provide health insurance and pay 1/2 of any remaining balance, and pay 1/2 of some back medical that is owed for their daughter. In return, he wants joint legal custody, every other weekend visitation, holiday rotation. She is not willing to do this because she wants physical, and legal custody, she only wants to rotate thanksgiving day, and she wants "back child support". How can their be back child support if their has never been a court order for child support? Also, we do have proof that he has paid and helped out with his daughter. Let me be the first to say, there is two sides to every story. I'm not saying that my husband has been the perfect father, there are times when he should have and could have done more, but he's at her mercy when it comes to visitation. If it goes to court(and it will) what will he be entitled to as far as rights go? Are his terms reasonable, or is he asking for too much? We realize that his daughter has always lived with her mother, and he doesn't want to snatch her away, but shouldn't he have some rights? It seems like all the ex is worried about is the money end of it, my husband has agreed to pay 50% of all expenses related to their daughter, isn't he entitled to joint legal custody and visitation?

Answer 1

He is not asking to much at all, and I know a lot of single moms who wish there babies father wanted to be in there child's life. To bad it doesn't seem like your husband's ex cares to much about her child. He will get visitation as long as there is nothing on record of him being un-fit, and the way it sounds you shouldn't have anything to worry about. Good luck.

Answer 2

If he is willing to carry his fair share of her expenses then take her to court. You do not need a lawyer. Tell him to call the attorney generals office in your state and file childsupport on himself. This is the only way he can get an established visitation order without having to pay a lawyer all kinds of fees. Plus it looks better that he is filing versus his ex doing it. That will show the judge that this is actual about seeing his daughter and there are no alternative motives.

I say this because I have been on both sides dealing with my ex and our daughter and my fiance and his ex. We kept receipts on everything that we purchased for his son because she kept claiming it was not about the money but he could only see him when she felt like it. We filed for with the Texas OAG to get a ordered visitation and showed proof of what he has been providing. Now he gets half summer every other weekend and holiday and pays 350 a month in support. Thats less than what we were paying. I would have him mention it to her, that he is going to file and see what she says.  

Answer 3

It does not matter what you and I feel he is entitled to, it matters what the judge thinks.  He if probably going to push this into the court and let a judge decide on the specifics.  Child support will go back to the date of filing.  He better have cancelled checks with regular disbursement (weekly or monthly)  to prove he has been paying because gifts do not count towards child support. Hopefully, he wrote "child support" on the check.  Burden of proof is on him.   If the court does not think that he paid enough, there may be some arrears calculated. I do not understand the custody agreement, your husband is taking the short end of the stick.  Joint legal and every other weekend is standard.  You get that without even asking. I think he should be asking for more custody, more time with the kid.    

Answer 4

Unless your husband had paid his X money and specified it as "child Support" then he may not have a leg to stand on with regard to the back child support.  The courts do not deem clothes and other things bought for the kids as "child support".  I do think your husband is doing the right thing by trying to get structured visitation with his kids.  He will likely have to pay the back child support but in the long run it will benefit him by increased visitation with his child.  I say keep up the fight, you are doing the best thing for your child.  

Answer 5

I have been through two custody battles.  generally, where I live, it is the same whether you were married or just ended up having a kid.  the general visitation schedule in my county goes as follows:  non-custodial parent has child from 6 pm Friday through 6 pm Sunday, every other weekend.  Also, there is a set schedule for holidays to omit confusion.  One parent has certain holidays in even number years, while the other has other set holidays for that year, the next year the holidays are switched so that each parent has each holiday on alternating years.  also, mother has Mother's Day visitation each year, father has Father's Day visitation each year.  non-custodial parent (depending on what judge orders and what both parents can agree on) has the choice of two week visitation the last two weeks of June and the last two weeks of July; the entire month of July; or visitation starting on the first Monday more than one full week after school has let out for the summer and ending the last Friday at least one full week before school starts.  and depending on who the judge is and how it is set up, recently they started allowing Wednesday evening visitation each week for the non-custodial parent.  child support is ordered based on a percentage of pay, non-custodial parent pays insurance and half of all out of pocket medical bills.  also, if they have been fighting custody for nine years, the child is old enough for them to agree that your husband have joint legal custody (which means that his ex has to consult him before major decisions, such as moving, changing schools, and any major medical decisions) while the mother has primary physical custody (which simply means that the child lives with her, goes to the school district decided by her residence, and stupid things like that.)  his best bet would be to allow it to go to court and fight it out there.  and it bodes well for him that he can prove that he has contributed to the child's well-being and has tried to resolve this amicably before resorting to legal means.  everything should work out.  and if they can't agree, the judge will order what he/she feels is in the best interest of the child.  the judge doesn't normally come off too harsh on non-custodial parents, tries to do what is fair and right, and there are set calculations set by local laws that govern child support and visitation.  child support in my area is somewhere around 17% gross pay for one child.  hope this helps!