Voluntary Termination of Parental Rights question...?

Question

I have a friend that found out that he has a child that is from a one night stand. He is married now and has a child with his wife and one on the way... This one night stand took place while they were seperated for a few months and the child is now 15 months old and the papers for the DNA test was the first he knew about this baby... The mother seems to be entirely unwilling to let him be a part of the childs life yet wants child support and his wife feels like she is unable for the childs sake to be a step mom to the child and does not want to explain to her family or her kids why this child is in between... I can see all sides of this situaion, but the problem is my friend is asking for my help... has anyone been through a situation like this?

Answer 1

My brother was in a similar situation. The mother wanted him to terminate his parental rights & he refused to do so. He, therefore, was required to pay child support.

In your friends' situation, if he doesn't want anything to do with the child, then he should terminate his parental rights but he should only do so after being counseled by a lawyer. The legal ramifications are probably unique to each state so that is why a lawyer would prove beneficial. I think that a father is required to pay child support regardless of whether he's terminated his rights. Terminating your rights just means that you have no say so in the childs life (decision making, health care, etc.)

On the other hand, he did help to make this child & should help to support it, regardless of whether the child was a "mistake" from a one night stand. It took 2 to make the child & both should support it. It doesn't matter whether the mother is willing to let him see the child or not. If he's got DNA test to prove that it's his, then he can go to court for visitation rights because he is the father.

He needs to think really hard about terminating his rights because when/if that child comes looking for him in the future, he'll have a lot of explaining to do & that child will feel abandonment.

Answer 2

Your friend's wife needs to grow the h**l up.  It is not about her or what her damned family will think.  If he wants to be a part of this child's life, this one night stand cannot stop him if he has to pay child support.  If she does, he can take her to court.  He's confused, his wife is jealous and insecure, and the one night stand sounds like a money grubbing B****.  This is about a child who will want to know who their father is.  How would you feel if you found your dad after many years to find out his wife was the reason he was never a part of your life?  He needs to divorce her selfish A S S.

Answer 3

and she will get child support, for 18 years! it's his responsibility as the dad. he does not have to be part of the childs life, and i think thats terrible. the kid has rights too! and if his wife does not understand that, she is being really selfish in my opinion! poor kid.

Answer 4

Please encourage him to think of the child first!  It is not easy to grow up without a father. If he is not a part of that child's life in some way he will cause emotional damage.  It is not the child's fault that his birth parents had a one night stand.  Don't let him reject the child because of it.  If his wife cared enough about him to take him back after that happened then she should find it in her heart to accept the child. It is a part of him. Will it be difficult to explain to the family? Yes. Can it be done? Yes. It is probably not a secret to the family that they were having problems. In today's world with divorce, blended families and everything else I think that it would be okay to explain to his other children that mommy and daddy were not getting along for a little while and didn't live together.  During that time daddy made your brother/sister and our family is very lucky to have him/her.  

Adults need to stop being selfish and start thinking about the children.  That child is a part of him...how could he just reject it? He should want to support the child, both financially and emotionally.  Tell him to step up!

Answer 5

He needs to think long and hard about what is truly in the best interest of 1) this child  2) his other children.  If this child is in a stable, loving appropriate situation, then maybe he might consider leaving well enough alone, with the agreement that he will have some limited access to information about the child and yearly photos and letter from birthmother.  And he MUST pay child support voluntarily, no questions asked.

Or, he can voluntarily waive his rights and walk away.  Not suggested.  What if this bmom gets arrested or ends up on drugs, and this child needs him?  What if she marries a scumbag who abuses this child and the state removes the child from the home?

In any case, he needs to understand that he has a moral and legal obligation to pay child support, no matter what.  Visitation is a matter of what is truly in the best interest of this child.  He has a lot at stake, and should consider his options carefully.

Answer 6

He can voluntarily terminate his rights which all that would do is make it so he has no say in what happens to the child. He would not have any legal authority (as in visitation, medical decisions, etc...) But just because he decides to sign his rights away doesn't exclude him from paying child support. He is the father and that is his responsibility for the next 18years.

Answer 7

my cousin was in a similar situation.  he met a young lady and she became pregnant.  he later reconciled with his gf (now wife) who shortly afterwards, became pregnant.  the mother of the first child was somewhat antagonistic towards him and used the child as leverage.  she also wanted child support.  he now has joint custody of the child; AND the other children and his wife embrace this child as their brother and stepson.

my opinion: this has nothing to do with hurt feeling of the adults involved.  this child's existance is due to the actions of the child's mother and father. as such, THEY collectively need to work to make the best decision for this child. your friend's wife really can't make that decision, nor should influence that decision.  as such, it's up to your friend to deal with the situation as a mature adult, and not expect it to just go away. his feelings towards this child's mother or his wife's inability to accept this child into her life are secondary. the child's needs come first.

Answer 8

Well, I'm with Tish.  This is his child, no matter how you look at it.  The mother wants child support, which is fine, but they can go to court where he can ask for a custody agreement, as well.  He does have rights as a father.

As for the wife, I realize this has to be very hard for her.  But, they were separated and things happened.  They all need to be the adults for the sake of the child, no matter how embarrassing the reality may feel to them at this point.  The child comes first.