WEDDING DILEMMA! Help me please!

Question

Ok guys..HELP! I am getting married in DR in Feb. I have 5 girls in my wedding party and we THINK we have 5 guys. Not sure yet. Anyways, I have been having a problem with one of my bridesmaids. When I asked her to be in my party about 1 1/2 years ago, we were great friends. She is my Fiance's sister's BEST friends. I mean BEST. His family took her in when she was young and she lived with them for a really long time. She has recently become somewhat of a SNOT and I really do not enjoy her company anymore. She treats my sister in law horribly. (they live together). She also is completely melo-dramatic and a sloppy drunk who turns mean and cries all the time. I just don't want her standing up for me anymore. How do I tell her? I do not want to ruin the relationship as I do not want to make it akward at all the family gathering. Because we are not sure if we have enough guys for girls, I was thinking of telling her that we do not have anyone for her to walk down the aisle with. But what happens if we do have enough guys? I do not want to look like a liar. Anybody have any good advice?!

Answer 1

So there seem to be two ways to handle this. The right way and the other right way.

She's quasi-family so she's not just going to disappear when you give her leave of her attendant duties.

My preferred theory on people acting like snots and drunks and being melodramatic is to actually point this out in some way or another. It's a bit of an honesty is the best policy theory but with diplomacy attached. The way I see it, too many people walk around people on eggshells and avoid confrontation so someone like her will never change if nobody points  a mirror in her face. As long as tact was in the equation when you were to tell her the real reason you no longer want her in your wedding party, you've done your part and if someone's feelings are hurt, they are responsible for their emotions. You know? If you do it nicely that is, you've done your part, the rest is up to them.

So the issue with that 'right answer' is how will she react? Again, that's not YOUR responsibility really, but because she is a drama queen, this may cause her to have an outbreak at your wedding and at other gatherings.

So you decide that you don't want that scene so you make up something instead, like the even/odd attendant scenario. Fine. For the short term. Maybe. Or maybe not. She may still cause a scene anyway, you said she was a loud drunk and how can you know if she'll not make a scene for another reason? At any rate, if you go with this solution and it pans out OK for the wedding at the very least, she will still be a snot and a sloppy drunk and create scenes at other events, because nobody will have confronted her. What I mean is the issue will never go away. No matter which choice you make, but at least if you tell her how you feel, you'll have gotten that off your chest and hey, who knows, she may in fact do some soul searching. If you are going to confront her though, it tends to be easier to do on your turf, and don't do it when anyone else is around if that's how she likes to make a scene. So definitely not in public. (I have a sister who has no sense of decorum in that regard, some people just don't know that dirty laundry doesn't belong in public)

So I think either solution is 'right' but in the grander scheme of things, for me personally, I believe 'diplomatic truth is the best policy'

Good luck. Definitely not an easy choice.

And congrats on your wedding!

Answer 2

That's a hard one. Since you already asked her you're in a tough position. What you could do is say "We don't have enough guys for the bridal party but I still want you to be part of it - could you man the XXXXX?" Give her a task that you don't care a ton about just incase she screws it up - like the guest book or taking flowers from the church to the reception or manning the gift table. If you're regretful about it she might not suspect you don't want her IN the bridal party.

As for the guy situation - you can have as many ushers as you want - so if you have 5 guys - make one into an usher. It's still important and doesn't require even people.

Hope that helps.

Answer 3

First, I would ask your fiance's sister how she feels about you dis-inviting her friend and roommate. If she's ok with it, then you have your answer. Normally, I'd just say 'do what you want, it's your day', but when someone is 'like family' AND the roommate of another attendant, you really need to be delicate in handling the situation.

Answer 4

given the number of guys situation- tell her the plan is to go ahead with only 4 bridesmaids. Have her do something else instead, like candlelighter or guest book attendant. Also tell her it would mean so much if she did this instead. Tell the 5th guy the same and give him the option to be an usher instead if he would like.

Tell both you had to finalize the plans for your sanity's sake.

Answer 5

i know you've gotten a lot of answers already but i'll throw my 2 cents in too i guess.

This seems to be a common problem for a lot of girls. 3 of my friends that i know of have had this problem as did I. Fortunately for me the girl who would've been the "awkward moment" person stopped being friends with me soon before i got engaged so i knew not to even ask her. like i'm sure everyone else has said just be honest with her. maybe take her out for coffee and explain the not enough guys thing to her (that sounds like a good excuse that would save her feelings from getting totally hurt) you do have to be careful b/c it'd be awful for all future family events to be weird between y'all. good luck!  

Answer 6

My friend had the same problem. She stressed about it for a long time because she didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. In the end she decided that this girl was stressing her out way to much and it wasn't worth it to have her in the wedding party - so she just told her that they didn't have enough groomsmen and she wanted to keep things even.

I know her friend was a little hurt at first - but she still came to the wedding and was happy for them; so everything worked out in the end.

But your bridal party is supposed to be supportive and make you feel calm - not cause you stress. While you might not want to hurt anyone's feelings, you may be saving yourself a lot of stress in the long run...

Answer 7

4Real is right   you just need to tell her that she has become a stuck up shot that has forgotten how to treat people and you do not want her as a bridesmaid unless she can clean up her act and promise not to get drunk and embarrass everyone

Answer 8

who cares if there's an even number of guys and girls. even if kicking her out of the wedding party makes it uneven, this is you and your fiance's wedding. do you really want this kind of person standing at the alter next to you? h**l, why even invite her to the wedding at all. chances are she's going to get drunk and make a scene. good luck

Answer 9

wait it out a couple months you have time

Answer 10

Just b honest she needs to wake up and smell the coffee.