WHAT Do You Think Of The Beginning Of This Poem?

Question

Porcelain hands write scarlett letters upon her wrist.

Needles penetrate skin pleading to be released.

Venom flows through her veins poisoning her day by day.

Blisters appear on her finger tips as she hesitates.

This is not a true story im writing it for a contest that wants dark writes.

What Do You Think Of It And Should I Continue Writing The Poem?

Please Dont Be Rude

I just wrote it 10 minutes ago.

Answer 1

wow very descriptive.

it is dark, but if its for a dark write, i would encourage you to write more of the girls story, as thats what this poem is building to. maybe explain why, or what she feels, what she's going through.

but i like your word choice, its different, and vivid and true.

when i say true, i mean, its not something you overlook.

like, for example, the word 'love' is often overused, as so is hate. they dont have much meaning anymore.

but your poetry uses good vocab. that contain meaning.

Answer 2

Very good, it is very dark.. kind of goth. The words definitely draw a picture in the mind... Finish it!!!

Please answer:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 3

Its a good start for a dark poem. Yes, I would definitely finish!

Answer 4

Wow, wonderful!

You should continue writing for sure.

You've got a real talent for this.

Detail is great.

Hope you win♥

Answer 5

I think it's very good!  Finish it!

Answer 6

I love it! Continue it yes certainly. I think it would stand a good chance of winning if the rest of the poem is like that.

However, I would consider continuing the poem AS a story, as in let it move forward instead of being stuck in time as this would make the most use of what would already have been written. Time's stopped and then all of a sudden it starts moving again: very slowly... I don't know. I'm just trying to give you ideas.

But 'scarlet' is one 't'. I hope I helped

x

Answer 7

Well, it's chock-a-block with 'dark' cliché.  But that's exactly what you want in this situation.  

Is this dark?

----->Her hand grows paler yet as razor scrawls

----->In shaky crimson glyphs at slender wrist

----->She feels accusing eyes from silent walls

----->That counsel death, the balm she won't resist.

Nah, that (above) is more of a 'dark moment' thing.  'Dark' is a stylized thing, with preferred words--preferred phrases, even--and you have a couple of those there in your poem's beginning.  Too much invention KILLS 'dark' poetry, and brings it into 'mainstream poetry dealing with dark themes.'  You don't want that.

Moreover, my little quatrain rhymes and it has consistent meter.  Rightly, your poem's beginning has instead a breathless quality like that of a long word in Hungarian:  A strong beginning (syllable or two) and a lengthy mad/frantic muttering thereafter, that adds 'creepy' adjectivals or 'dark' enhancements.  VERY 'dark' style.  Steer WAY clear of form; 'dark' don't like form.

I give you a clear model of what is NOT 'dark', and you're evidently on the main track to 'dark', so, carry on.  Good luck in your contest.