WHILE someone is doing something you don't like to your child, HOW do you say something?

Question

I had a very hard time in the past telling people when to stop (I always try to be polite) But now it's taking a toll on my parenting and I just came out and told my mother in law what she does, that it bothers me and needs to stop. She was so upset. Had I confronted her as it was happening, she wouldn't have been so upset.

How do I ensure that this doesn't happen again? How can I say something without sounding rude. Example: She feeds my daughter things without my permission. I asked that she doesn't do that again, but if she does, What do I say???

Please help me through this. My husband says he agrees, but when I confront her, he backs down and puts the pressure on me.

I'm a good mom and I would like people to respect my parenting.

Answer 1

I would just say....grandma it is not time to eat yet!

As for your husband that is how most are. They know that you will say something so they have no need to get involved!

Answer 2

i don't know what to say to you because i am having the same thing going on with my MIL it must be a MIL thing. I feel the same way you do i want people to respect my parenting when my MIL is around me and my son i have no say so,over him.  sorry i can't help much good luck.

Answer 3

Say, "I don't want to seem like I'm nagging you, but please don't feed her that."

If the issue is about her feeding at her inappropriate times then add in "We have a set schedule for eating times, and I just don't want to throw off the rest of the day."

If the issue is with what she is feeding her say, "If you'd like me to make you a list of foods she's allowed to have, I be happy to do so."

You can also say "I'm just really picky when it comes to certain things, and even if it seems ridiculous to you, I would appreciate it if you could respect my choices."

In general, just be polite and use lots of "I" phrases, instead of just telling her what she's doing wrong.  

Good luck, this stuff is hard!

Answer 4

Ask her politely if she could please not feed your daughter things without your permission and ask if she could please stand by that rule.

Answer 5

"We don't ______ at our house."

That's all you need to say. It's simple, direct and nonjudgmental -- and it works every time for me. If someone responds with a "Why?" or a "You should ..." all you need to say is, "That's just the way we've decided to do things." End of discussion.

Answer 6

ok she is the grandma so she is supposed to spoil them a little and why would you be bothered by her feeding her stuff big deal as long as she is not allergic to and

now if she was hitting her then say something but feeding her stuff big deal all kids eat

Answer 7

Unless she was feeding her pills or drain cleaner, I don't see what the problem is.

Answer 8

I am the same way.  We are respoable for our kids.  It is our job to know what is best and people need to respect that.  I agree with you.  Your mother in law will get over she has no choose.

Answer 9

You just have to come out and say it. If they still do it they are the ones being rude, not you.

My mother in law did the same things and after asking her not to if she did it again I just went and picked up my daughter from her and kept her on my lap. It is hard to do but you need to stand up for yourself. And good luck on the husband thing, mine was the same way agreed with everything I did but let it look like it was all me.

Answer 10

I would just say I really don't want that being done to her. If there is a reason state that too. When she feeds your daughter say that you have specific ideas of what you want your daughter to eat at this age, and since she is your daughter it is your choice she had her chance with her son and now it is your turn to do things the way you want too. I sometimes have this same problem with my MIL. She actually would punish my son right in front of me when he was 1. One time she even took him out of my arms to yell at him. I just told her that he is my son and that is my job. If she is babysitting or something then it is up to her to punish him but If I am there it is my job.

Answer 11

I would just remind her (nicely), MIL I'd really rather not have (child's name) eat that.  Maybe you could bring a snack with you so you can pull something out of your bag when she goes to do it.  Grandparents want to give the grandkids anything because they know they go home with you and the grandparents look great in the grandchild's eyes.  I would just gently remind her of it, don't fly off the handle.  Grandparents look so forward to having these times with their grand kids and spoiling them.  I also think you should tell your husband to step up and say something, it should not all be on you.  He seems to want you in the negative light, not himself.

Answer 12

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