WHen is the right time to have a child?

Question

Me and my husband have been married two years and together for 5. He is a full time student and a army reservist. He also does handyman work when he isnt in school. He has tow more years of school to get his bachlors. I am a full time manager at a great company i love. I have full benefits and make a decent hourly wage. My employer pays up to 5000 a year in child care exspenses like day care and has office located all over the U.S. I love children and cant wait to have some. I was thinking in about a year when my husband is almost done with school that we would have our first child. WHat do you think?

Answer 1

I think that if you want a baby, you should have one. Financial expenses and selfish things like wanting stuff before you devote your life to a child is silly. It sounds to me like you're perfectly able to have children, and I think you'd really enjoy adding a little one to your life. I go to a college with lots of married couples (BYU-I) and most of them have children, even with two or three years left of school. But they know that they want a child, and they make it work. The most important thing in the world is the life of baby! Especially if its your baby!

Good luck!

Answer 2

I think that's wonderful that you want to have children and you sound as if your in a wonderful position to do so but with a full career will you be able to spend enough time with them. I think it's horrible seeing them young children in childcare centers (some as young as 3 months) . I remember most kids in out of school care being miserable. They got there at 6am, went to school, came back, and left at 7pm. I think if you want to have kids make sure this wont be the case with them when they are in school. Kids need to spend time with parents.

Answer 3

My first thought when reading your question is:  what are the chances of him being deployed?  If you can wait until that risk is very low, that would be best.  Being a single parent must be so difficult, and then with the added worry about your husband's safety, that would be a very stressful situation.  Other things to consider are do you have the $10K or so that it will cost for daycare (in addition to the 5K from your employer), and do you have a good support network?  I am away from my family, and while we decided to go ahead and start a family of our own, it is really hard to not have a grandparent or aunt to come over and help out with the little ones.  This gets really stressful when my son is sick and I am needed at the office.  If you feel good about all of those things, then please read the below.  My mom sent this to me before I ever became pregnant, and nothing I have ever read has been more true.

Being A Mom

>

>We are sitting at lunch one day when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family."

>

>"We're taking a survey," she says half-joking. "Do you think I should have a baby?"

>

>"It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral.

>

>"I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations."

>

>But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my daughter, trying to

>decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes.

>

>I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable.

>

>I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking, "What if that had been MY child?"

>

>That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.

>

>I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a soufflé or her best crystal without a moments hesitation.

>

>I feel that I should warn her that no matter how many years she has

>invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right.

>

>I want my daughter to know that every day decisions will no longer be

>routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom.

>

>However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.

>

>Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give herself up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs.

>

>I want her to know that a cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honour. My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks.

>

>I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.

>

>I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving.

>

>I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child

>learn to ride a bike. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or cat for the first time. I want her to taste the joy that is so real it actually hurts.

>

>My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes.

"You'll never regret it," I finally say.

>

>Then I reached across the table, squeezed my daughter's hand and offered a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings.