WIFE HAS admitted to an emotional affair?

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MY wife has admitted to an emotional affair?

I had been gathering my evidence of suspicion.My wife an dthis guy at church.She was texting him at 1 am and erasing the evidence. He was texting her at midnight saying "OKAY" when she goes to the shower but i could'nt find any thing on her outbox.She was calling him to sit next to her even when i was there. I used evidence of some texts i had seen n she finally admitted there was something but it was not physical. At first she had denied untill i told her about the texts.She says its cause we have grown distant and she works with this guy at church, sometimes late at night(3 am) on projects.She says now that she will talk to him n tell him " this whatever it is between us has to stop because you have a gf and i have a husband." IM WONDERING IF SHE WILL? Im wondering what would have happened had i not mentioned all this? I feel like she was cheating an di dont feel like going to the same church to see someone who has been havn an emtional releationship with my wife.Technically they have both been cheating.She says there was nothing sexual etc on the texts between them, but WHY HAS SHE BEEN ERASING THEM? We are at his place for a bbq and at 1 am he leaves us there to run to the store n suddenly he and her are texting. What are they texting about at that time and why erase the messages if it was all innocent?WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE I FEEL BETRAYED LIKE SHE SLEPT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.I believe God exposed this cause they were using the cover of church.God dont like ugly, especially in church, thats dirtying the name of his house cause you see like now i dont feel like going to church anymore.I believe its God who exposed this.HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO FORGET THIS FOR ME? WILL SHE BREAK AWAY FROM THE AFFAIR TODAY OR WILL IT BE GRADUAL OR WILL THEY GET SMARTER ABOUT IT? She now knows i have evidence from phone company and i have laid down the law as the husband that no more church practises for productions beyond 10 pm and i will tell the pastor that i have told my wife no more practises after 10 am.No more 3 am editing stuff her him an dthis other guy.I support her career but now when its going to destroy my marriage its going to be or the church. I feel very hurt SOMEONE HELP.

Answer 1

All I am reading here is how YOU feel betrayed. Don't you think that she feels emotionally betrayed by you with this feeling of growing apart? It's good you confronted her but maybe you need to work on what is missing in your marriage now that it has come to light. Have you apologized to your wife and said "let's work on what's missing" or are you just "laying down the law"?  She told you she would talk to him and end it. She didn't sleep with the guy so don't feel like she did. Sounds like you don't trust her though. Don't give up on church. It's not church that is the problem here.

Answer 2

I had to check my calendar to be sure this is 2008. Now, having said that what do you mean you have laid down the law? Who are you, her keeper? Betrayal works both ways my friend.

Since you want to get technical lets go there. Technically she has been cheating and technically you have been snooping. And, why do you think she erased the texts? She knew it was wrong and didn't want you to see them but you saw some anyway, didn't you? God did not expose this, you did. Leave God out of this equation. Since your wife said the two of you were drifting apart why don't you try to find out why. The church had nothing to do with what happened, it just happened to be where they were working. Do not blame what has occured on the church. It could have been anywhere like a restaurant, theatre, concert, etc.

What you need to do is see if you can salvage your marriage. Not only does it appear you will not forgive her but you are already thinking of what she might do in the future.  I can understand your hurt, I would be too, but we all make mistakes and you seem to me to be a very controlling person. I'm surprised you ALLOWED her to go out and work. Since your wife is ending this "emotional affair" as you call it , she is taking that first step and it would be the right thing to do to try to work it out from there instead of worrying about what her next step will be in terms of this other person. And, why do YOU have to tell the pastor that your wife will no longer practice after 10. Is she not allowed to speak for herself? Is she a child? Oh yeah, that woud cause a person to kind of "drift". Do you investigate everything your wife does? Are you one of those "Me Tarzan, you Jane" personalities?

If I am wrong in my assessment of your personality I am truly sorry. You see, I do know how to apologize. I'm not perfect.

I am in no way condoning what your wife did but you, husband, are not about to forget it so I have to ask why do you go to church?? What does the bible say about forgiveness? Or does that  just apply to others? None of us are saints.

If you want to continue with this partnership called marriage you need to get everything out in the open, treat your wife as your equal, not someone you feel you own because you are married to her and seek counselling. I hope you two can work it out but I also see why your wife strayed, technically.

Your marriage can be saved but if you cannot find it in your heart to forgive her then that's game.

Answer 3

She has to COMPLETELY STOP SEEING this man.  I would not go to that church another minute or second.  I would call the pastor and tell him/her what has happened and even though you like the church you and your wife will not be back.  Do not even let him talk you into still attending.  The relationship needs to be completely over.  Then I would make sure you had the password to her phone and her email.  Tell her if she doesn't have anything to hide then she shouldn't mind being an open book.  If she talks about her privacy or not wanting to do this then she is still hiding something.  Good luck.

Answer 4

keep going to church it will help even if it feels as if God has betrayed you. Think of the positives - your wife never touched him, only thought about him. How about some counselling. try and figure out why she had those thoughts. see how you can improve yourself and how she can better herself so you can have a happier future together. marriage is not all happy moments it can get hard you just have to stick with it.

its the moments in between the happy photos that count the most. Good luck i hope things work out. i'll be praying for you

Answer 5

She met this guy at CHURCH?

Wow.

Umm, first off, you should have confronted your wife, not go through her phone, how on earth do you expect to regain trust in your relationship?

I think that, yes okai, if she says there was nothing sexual, except it until you know otherwise and have good old solid PROOF.

Instead, just go with the whole "emotional affair" and try to rebuild your relationship off of that, instead of being convinced that she's been sexually unfaithful.