WOMEN: Why do we have a horrible habit of REMINDING people how they HURT us? And WHY do we nag?

Question

Why do we have such a hard time GETTING OVER IT? I have a friend, who I didn't speak to for about two months. Ever since I started talking to her again, she every so often refers to this time as, "that time you cut me out"... It doesn't matter how far we've come...she still BRINGS IT UP.

Another example: My manager came over to my desk and said, "I hate my hair this way. It's boring... don't you think so?" After much proding from her and four mins later, I said it "Wasn't her..." It's not boring just not her... " She stomps aways saying, "Thanks for making me self consious!" WTF??

Why do we DO this.... to each other and to other people?

Answer 1

I'm a woman and with women like the one's you've just described; you're suppose to tell them what they want to hear, so they can fulfill their self confirmation quota of the day.

Answer 2

Laela's right ~ your co-worker wanted affirmation, she wanted you (and as many as possible of her other colleagues) to say "Oh your hair is just lovely" or ""You always look great but I preferred last week's do", just as if you spend all your time watching out for her hair do.

She probably has some self esteem issues and is looking for a boost.

You can play along, it only takes a minute, or opt out ~ but don't expect any cookies next time she bakes, lol.

Cheers :-)

Answer 3

Sometimes you need to just tell them what they want to hear. Your manager was fishing for a compliment, and you didn't give it to her. That's a time to be PC, even if it is a little white lie.

As for your friend, you need to just ask about it. "Why do you keep bringing that up?" I think she's trying to make you feel guilty for whatever reason you had for NOT talking to her. But let her know that talking to you like that doesn't make you exactly eager to talk to her.

I don't feel like I nag. I bring up something and then let it go. If it bothers me for a period of time, I say something to that person in as tactful way as I can. If they take offense, I just say I'm feeling like this and it's not an attack.

Believe me, I've lost friends too. And since I've radically changed my life over this past year, I imagine I will lose more. But those are people who weren't my friends to begin with. I am teaching myself to forgive and let go. It's simply healthier for me in the long run. I don't want to be reminded that I've hurt someone, so I strive to have the same courtesy for the person I am talking to.

Answer 4

Men nag, too.  It's just not called "nagging" when they do it, for some reason.

Answer 5

Maybe hormones and social conditioning?

Answer 6

Well I know when someone hurts me I sometimes remind him a lot, just until he sits down with me and deals with it. When someone hurts you, the only thing that makes that go away Is for them to talk with you about it, and resolve it by sorry etc. Your manager seems to be fishing for compliments, forget her.

Answer 7

women enjoy being labeled a victim, if they don't have something to hold over you head they will manufacture a situation where you cant win and beat you with your response just to offset their self-loathing ways.

How did that sound???

LOL How about this, Who the h**l knows why you women get so d**n psycho over nothing. Maybe its because you want people around them to suffer when they in a foul mood.

Answer 8

When are 10x more emotionally violent than men.

Answer 9

I nag. and I sulk - yes I know not very mature - but i only nag because the person kept saying yeah I'll do it yeah i'll do it, in a minute.. i nag because i just want them to do it when it needs to be done. I end up doing it myself and i feel resentful so i'll nag them some more

your manager was fishing for a compliment and it backfired on her - as usually happens when you fish for compliments.

it just comes down to personality. You're of the "ok that's done now - Next!" school and your friend is of the "lets talk because i need you to acknowlege that you hurt my feelings".

one of you will have to compromise if you want the friendship to survive

Answer 10

Guys love to watch p**n and we love to nag.  It's how we were created.