Wait, I'm a groomsman???

Question

8 days 'till my wedding and I'm about to lose my mind.

My fiance's best friend ("J") is in the Army and lives in another state. My fiance was a gm on his wedding 1 year ago. We spent a lot of money to be there, give an appropriate gift and also, we were slaved for 3 days straight with their endless wedding "duties".

We just came back from vacation and we are getting married next sunday. Today "J" called and ask my fiance: "Wait, I'm a groomsman in you wedding????

I'm beyond offended and mad as h**l. He told him about it 6 months ago. When "J" was away on his Army dutioes, he left his evil wife to hanle the details of the hotel, location etc. She talked to my fiance about the tuxedos, the hotel etc. She reserved the hotel an dthe airfare etc... so what is the excuse for "J" to seem to have "forgotten" about beinga a GM????? I was present when my fiance asked him... I just cannot believe it.

I have the theory that the evil witch just want to ruin my wedding. My fiance keeps on excusing him that he's been busy etc. etc. etc.. blah blah blah.... They are in town today and my fiance wants to "invite them over"..... I told him ...oh hellll NO! I just do not want to even look at them.

My question is:

1-Have you had any last minute wedding drama?

and most importantly...

2- Is this a "forgibable" offense??? or I'm I over reacting? Do you think that he was just busy and forgot?

Your thoughts please

Answer 1

I can understand why your upset and a lot of it has to do also with you being nervous about last minute issues.  That's normal.  First take a deep breath and think of this.

J is your fiance's best friend.  It doesn't seem like your fiance is as upset as you are.  He knows J better then you probably and wants to invite him over to discuss everything.  

First of all, is his evil wife in the wedding as well?  If not, maybe J should be spoken to somehow without her around.  Apparently she has been making the decisions for J while he was busy with his Army stuff and maybe he doesn't really know what his role really is. Calmly let him know what has been done already and what he can do for the next week.

If it is too upsetting for you to talk about it, let your fiance do all the talking and just be present in the conversation to make sure everything you are feeling is being addressed.

Also see if you can have a willing substitute gm if it ends up where J isn't interested or can't do it.  

If it comes down to you losing one gm, it isn't so bad if you have one bridesmade walking alone.  Just remember this is about YOU and YOUR FIANCE.  Don't let ANYONE ruin it!

Answer 2

This one is for your fiance to handle.  J is or was his groomsman.  Don't even worry yourself about it--you have too much other stuff to deal with.  Don't worry about whether it's forgiveable or not--it's not worth your time.  Given how pissed your are about the situation, I think if your fiance wants to meet with them, he needs to go out somewhere with them himself and not invite them over.

~Ms. X who is getting married in 8 days as well.

No wedding drama on this end.  Only my mother frantically calling me b/c she thought the store that had her dress had gone out of business.  (Turns out their phones were out of order.)

Answer 3

I'd be upset too, but calm down and get over it.  You're getting married soon.  If they don't even make it to the wedding then you make out for not having to deal with the "witch".

From here, let your HTB handle this.  It's his friend.  Stay out of it for now.  If they do show to the wedding just make sure you don't have to interact much.

Answer 4

I would be super pissed! because if backs out that leaves you with a BM that doesnt have someone to walk with...and there is NO excuse..you would have to be an idiot to forget..I would push it aside however...because the only person who should truly enjoy your wedding and want to be there is you and your hubby to tell J to do what he has to do because you dont need the stress!!

Answer 5

I think if anyone should be offended it should be your husband.  If he is fine with it then you should be too.