Wake up and quit getting hit by your man! HELP ME HELP HER?

Question

Ok, I'm sitting here with a girlfriend of mine that I have known for about two years now. She recently had a baby with a loser who over powers her with abuse. She can't ever question him about anything, for he will threaten her by saying wait till I get home, You're gonna get it.

I think she is scared to leave him in fear or returning to her past life of no good. However there is a difference between now, and then. THE BABY.... It's getting to me now, for I once went threw the same thing, and took so long to leave. I know we all need to learn by experience but come on....

Answer 1

I think you're getting some overly hostile answers on here.

I think the best reason for her to leave is that the loser will probably start beating up the child as well, if he continues to be part of the picture.  So at that point it's not just her own life she's s******g up.  If the man is an abuser and she gets evidence, she ought to be able to get full custody.

There are plenty of resources out there that help battered women (you are familiar with some of them I assume) and there's no reason she has to return to her "past life", after all it is in the past.

Edit: I think some people are assuming you're a dude and have an ulterior motive here?  I don't think so, but if that's the case, know that you would only be the rebound.

Answer 2

Get her out of there.There are many resources for abused women.please get her out.Tell her her past is past she is the best navigator of her destiny if she will take control

Answer 3

Is there a way that she could stay with you until she finds a safer place to stay?   If she can stay with you, help her pack immediate. Does she know that you went through the same thing?  Maybe she can learn from your experience.  All you can do as her friend is to offer her help and let her know that you are there for her. If she doesn't want to take it, then at least you know you've tired.  I know she is scared but if she knows that she has back up, then may be she will leave him.  Good luck!

Answer 4

If you have been through this yourself then certainly you realize from experience that there isn't anything that anyone can say to her that will convince her she needs to get out.  She will not leave until she is realizes, on her own, that he is an abuser and will not change.  Right now she is holding on to hope that he is telling the truth when he says things will change.  None of us like to admit failure and, in a sense, letting go of this relationship will amount to failure in her mind.  She'll leave when she knows it's time and not before.  In the meantime, remain supportive of your friend and prepare yourself to offer lots of support when she finally does decide to leave.  If you recognize that the child is being abused, don't hesitate to call child protective services and report the abuse.  You cannot turn the other cheek when an innocent child is being harmed, friend or no friend.  She's an adult and is capable of making her own decisions.

Answer 5

You said she hooked up with and had a baby with a loser, well guess what, she knew he was a loser and she had a baby with him, guess what that makes her.........yep, a loser too!

So what are you gonna do tough guy?  Beat the guy up and get yourself thrown in jail, oh yeah, that will teach him.

You should ask yourself why you feel the need to "save" some chick that you are not even with.  Is that all you can get?

Answer 6

so why isnt ur friend asking instead of u i call this BS

Answer 7

time to spend your time on dealing with your issues and not her baggage. You looking to hook up with her?  

Answer 8

dont listen to that chick.  if ur friend is telling u about it and wants ur advice it is ur prob. and if shes getting her azz beat. h**l yeah its ur prob u could call the cops if u wanted too.  she needs to leave this dude for realz u should tell her.  since u went through this urself.  he could kill her by mistake if he hits her so hard. maybe not even by mistake.  if it was me since i have 2 kids i would rather fear for my life that he might look for me since im not with him. then fear my life living with someone who does this too me.  cuz right now she needs to think about how her kid is going to see this. not only that what if he does this to the baby and kills the baby. i mean u never know.  i dont care if she thinks he loves her cuz if he did love her he wouldnt be hitting her no man should ever hit a chick hes a pus*Y if he does that.  its not that hard yeah she has a baby yeah shes scared he might come back but bottom line she needs to leave him.  he will never change trust me my husbands brother was the same way with his g/f  she needs to be strong for her and her baby. i wouldnt trust that man near my baby for nothing.  have her go to court but before she does this make sure she has proof of what he did to her that way they will deny him from seeing her also get a retraning order against him. other wise if she doesnt do any of this shes asking for it. and its her bad. i really hope things work out for her. good luck to the both of you.

Answer 9

stay out of it, is not your problem to resolve, if she cant stand for herself, no help from you will be good

Answer 10

I've had friends who were in abusive relationships and no matter what you say, they won't listen to you.

She is the only one who can make her self leave. I've even offered to let an abused friend live in my house, until she could get on her feet and get a place of her own. This man beats her with his fist and has even caused her to have a miscarriage, but she won't leave him because she loves him. I have come to realize that a person who stays with her abuser when she has a way out, who can actually love someone who beats them, has some real mental problems of her own.

I know it's really frustrating, but the truth is.....you can't help her, only she can do that. Believe me, in time you will get real sick of hearing her say she can't leave him because she loves him or because she is afraid to leave, yet she keeps turning down your help. It's hard to respect such a woman, who has a child and choses to have her child watch their mother get beaten over and over. She denies her child the right to have a normal and happy childhood, because she refuses to be a strong woman and take herself and her child away from this kind of life.

I don't feel sorry for this woman, I feel sorry for her child and the children she will have with this man in the future.

Answer 11

if u really her friend, do your best to convince her to leave & have restraining order at same time.need action! won't stop by itself! she not only has herself to take care of,but the lil one & he or she needs protection from the man. needs take care of self first to take care of lil one! PRAYERS!