Want a baby, husband doesn't yet?

Question

We are in college, but we support ourselves completely financially. I really want to have a baby now. The semester the baby is born I could take a couple online classes to keep up work, and then the following semester the baby would be old enough for day care (which is free for me as a student). Once he/she is in day care, I would only have one easy year left of school and would only need to take a minimal course load. My husband wants to wait until he is out of school, which will be another 3-4 years. I just feel like we are ready. We had a pregnancy scare and I was freaking out and he was assuring me that we would be OK, and it would all work out. Should I just wait for him to come around or try to convince him? My friend told me to just stop taking birth control, but I could never do that to him!

Answer 1

Trying to convince him will lead to troubles in the future. Just wait until he is ready

Answer 2

You should definitely wait till he is 100% agreeable. As a responsible married woman, I think having a kid should not be a one-party issue. Both parties have to be 100% keen. That would save both of you a lifetime misery.

Answer 3

DO NOT TRICK HIM!  Ok, now that I've said that...It's hard enough on a relationship when you are both ready.  If he's not ready yet then you owe it to him to give him some more time.  He will only resent you if you make him have kids before he feels the time is right.  That being said, he does need to take your feelings into consideration.  Make sure you are on the same page because once you have a baby it will take both of you working hard to keep things together.

Answer 4

It would be wrong to stop taking birth control. Its unfair on his side. It could possibly ruin your marraige. Dont do it to your relationship. You have to look at both perspectives. What if he was the one pressuring you to have a baby? Though im not here to attack you. But good luck with your getting pregnant. Maybe he will come around. Best wishes.

Answer 5

I'd say wait for him.  This is not just your life, it's also his.  You wrote "I just feel like we are ready." However, he obviously is not according to your description.

A friend of mine wanted baby but hubby didn't. She forced it and he gave in.  Now they have a lovely 2 yr old.  Sadly they are about at the end of the legal process to get a divorce because he really wasn't ready all along.  She thought she won but actually lost in the end.

Can you negotiate with your husband about the timing? If waiting for 3-4 yrs is too long for you, how about waiting for 2 years only?  You know, negotiation goes on the whole life time as long as you are in a relationship.  Better practice now and be good at it. You will be the happiest when you negotiate and get to  a win-win situation. This skill works with older kids, too!