Want stepmom-in-law at birth but not mom-in-law?

Question

How do I causally make it clear that when I give birth to our child that his stepmom is okay to be in the delivery room but not his real mom?

His real mom and I never get along and she always makes things so stressful, yet his stepmom is supportive and fun to be around.

I feel as the woman giving birth, I should be able to decide who is in the room for this special time.

I just want the doctor, my husband, my stepmom in law, and my real mom in the room

Answer 1

This is the first step in stepping up and taking control.  Get used to it because once the baby is born you could have to deal with it all the time.  It would be best for you, if you husband is standing by you on this decision, but the decision is yours and not his.  Sometimes to get what we want we just have to come right out and say it.

Answer 2

dont say anything let your husband deal with it.

Answer 3

Just say the hospital only allows 3 people in the room.  It's a new rule.  What is she going to do - check?  

Her: "I called the hospital and they said you can have as many people as you want in the room"

You: "I don't know mom,  the doctor told me that it is his rule.  I guess they just want room to move around."

Her: "But that's not what the hospital said"

You: "Maybe the doctor can make up his own rules.  I don't know, that's what he told me because I did ask about that."

Her: "Well can you ask again?"

You: "OK, I will."

Then pretend you asked and give her the same answer!  If she's the pushy type and invites herself to the hospital - let the nurses and dr. know this when you arrive.  They are really good at trying to make you as happy as possible.

By the way, if she does "sweet talk" her way into the room, then chances are you'll be too busy to care.  You also will have the right to tell her to shut the h*** up because you are having a baby and people expect you to be crabby.

Answer 4

State what you want in a respectful manner.

Answer 5

tell him that you would feel more okay with the smil then the mil..he needs to respect that..expecially for the fact you could kick him out of the room if you wanted...and yes the nurses will ask for everyone to leave if you start getting too worked up

Answer 6

You just need to tell them flatout, or people will make their way into your room!

Answer 7

Wow, good luck with that! :)

Answer 8

You are absolutely within your rights as the patient to decide who may and may not be present.  As the director of security for a large hospital, I will tell you, though, that this is a very emotional area and "disruptive family in the L&D suites" is a common call for our security officers to respond to.  

You can try to tell MIL that the hospital's policy is "only X number of people allowed in the delivery room", but that could lead to more trouble if she checks with the hospital or attempts to sweet talk the staff into allowing her into the room.   It's probably better to just tell the truth in some tactful way, that you care about her, but that you would be more comfortable with a smaller group in attendance and these are the people you have chosen.  It may not be necessary to go into more detail.  No matter what, though, be prepared for herto be somewhat miffed at being excluded while SMIL is included.  Best of luck!

Answer 9

you have already stated that you feel its your choice and i totally agree with that,

just tell her i'd rather _____ be in the delievery room, hope i dont offend you

just look at it this way its your child you choose

Answer 10

At the end of the day its ur choice and if he knows ur mil makes the atmosphere bad then hel understand u dont want her there... Birth is a happy time and u dont need the stress of someone there who causes stress...Make it clear ur not doing it to be nasty or cause probs.

Answer 11

I'd keep it simple and have people you need only.  I found that less was more.  Your husband- yes. Your Mom- why not?  

Maybe stop there...  You will be able to briefly "entertain" everyone else before they wheel you to post-partum and you attempt to pass-out ;o)

You'll save this grief and ALOT of future grief.  There is no good way to let someone know they are not wanted.  Even if you could think of a way to be nice about it- no good deed goes unpunished.  

Good Luck!