Want to Leave the Father of my Kids But Can't Right Now?

Question

I am only working part time at night and going to school full time every day of the week in the morning. I only have 8 more months of school left before I graduate. I just need to get through my schooling before I can leave.

I cannot support the kids on my own now due to how little I work. I am afraid the father will be at an advantage because he works and makes more money than I do now. Also The father of the kids and I own a house together! Both our names are on the mortgage. He doesn't smoke pot in front of the kids but does smoke it in the house while we are home. I have found the percocets in his bag quite a few times but never witnessed him taking them. How can I prove he does these things when I do eventually leave him? Won't it just be considered hearsay or something?

I am just biding my time until I graduate and get a good job. The kids are not in danger and are loved and cared for very much by both myself and the father. However, what the kids don't know about their Father, what he does in secret away from them (drugs, drinking) and how he expresses no love, respect for my wishes or feelings is the issue. Also I am thinking it would be best to keep the kids in the house that we own but somehow get the father to leave. The kids have a large, loving support system of little friends they play with and my neighbors are like their family here in PA. However, the Father owns half of the house so wouldn't I have to buy him out? I can't afford that but I don't want to traumatize my kids even more by uprooting them from their beloved house, friends and neighbors. It's bad enough that the father and I are going to be breaking up I don't want to put the kids through even more! The oldest child, my three year old son absolutely adores his father too. In his eyes his Daddy is great and perfect. I feel like my three yr old will blame me if I "send his Daddy away".

I feel like right now I just need to avoid the father as much as possible in the house and try to "play nice" until I am in a place where I can actually end it and support my children on my own. Also, my main source of babysitting support is the Father's Mother and the Father himself! So If I leave now I won't have any babysitters which means I won't be able to work or finish my very much needed schooling.

Any advice?

Answer 1

The children's' welfare and safety are your first concern. Do you not have family of your own you can turn to for help?

Answer 2

how about a support group maybe a church

Answer 3

You made two kids with him and he's supporting you and the kids while you go to school, he can't be all bad.  Can't  you have a heart-to-heart with him about his pot smoking and why his drug use?  

Otherwise, if you know you can't save the relationship you need to speak to a lawyer.

Answer 4

Since you are the one "not feeling the love"  and are the one that wants to split, why don't you just leave and leave the children with him?  Why do you suppose that in the divorce you get the kids?  YOU want the divorce, not the children.

He probably is not giving you any love because he feels the vibes that you are half way out the door.

Answer 5

When you get out into the world, on your own, with children to care for and support, you will suddenly discover, that not much has changed in REALITY as to how women are perceived, and treated, and paid at their jobs.

You will find, without a man in your home, you will be taken advantage of by ever fix-it guy, and helper you hire.  You will become a "mark" for them to barely perform their tasks, and take your money.

Sorry, if you don't like me telling you this.  You will not like it MORE in the real world.

Your husband does not respect your wishes.  He does what he wants and he's acting irresponsible.  That makes you furious enough deep inside to want to end your torment.

I get it  big time.  Been there done that.!

Listen to another woman talk to you.

From what you've said above, the only person hurting in this, is you.  The kids are ok, and will hurt more, if you two part ways.

In the months until you graduate, and find a new job, and get your feet on the ground, and also, work long enough to get a few "thousand $" in the bank before moving,

you have time to run an experiment I'll give you.

How would you feel, if your husband started respecting you, and smiling at you, and changed his bad habits, and he started to really spark at you again, even better than when you two were first together?

If you run this experiment, it can happen.

And if that happens, possibly you could manage to stay in the house longer, while you're getting your feet stable on the ground.

In this experiment the end of it will be that you will start getting everything you want from this man (or any man you treat this way, so why not your husband?)

It worked for me.  It worked for my sister and her husband.  It has worked for many, and it will work for you.

So why not play along, and try it out.

When you play along, and give him what he wants, in short time he'll start giving you what YOU really want.  Love and respect and attention, and compliance with your needs and desires.

It wrote this:  If you can do it, (start as an experiment) in a couple of months let me know:

======================================...

What a man wants:

He wants his lady to flirt with him, admire him, TELL him he's fun to be with, thank him for dinner out, defend him, or let him think you will, against the world, be his best friend, compliment him on his grass cutting, or his "good job" whatever he's doing, and above all else he wants you to be FUN to be with.

And no, he won't do all that for you. I'll never understand that imbalance, but I DO understand IT IS THE WAY IT IS. (Men are from MARS).

Being FUN is the most important; because,  in a man’s world they grow up with the game among themselves of non-harmful “one-ups-man-ship”.  When a man finds a woman that knows how that game is played, he is awed how “this woman fit’s into my world, like no other.” This is a quality he can’t purchase at the bakery, like a great apple pie.  A FUN woman is a rare treasure.

If you are expecting absolute equality in your relationship early on, girlfriend; you will loose the whole relationship, eventually.  

It seems that when the relationship matures, and a man is ready to marry you, is when he will begin to reciprocate more and more, as he settles into the idea you’re his forever woman.  That is as long as you are continuing to be what he wants. Guys want a girl that is nice, yes, but more. They want her to be fun, and sassy.

So get real.  Create a happy relationship.   and start giving the man, what he needs to feel that

YOU are ALL he needs.

IF YOU DO ALL THAT,

and it takes a lot of growing up as a woman to digest that it is necessary

THEN, AND ONLY THEN will you never have to worry about him misbehaiving.  Then and only then, will you BE all the woman he'll ever want.

This effort is all that will keep a man home, and cause him to want to PLEASE YOU in every little way you want.

======================================...

You have time.  Don't waste it in a losing battle.

This this different approach.  You have something to gain.

Answer 6

take pics of the stuff where you find it and make sure u don't leave it in the house give to some one that you trust also ask a friend to help you the kids don't need to be there don't worry the three yr isn't going to act that bad for u what ever u do don't think there not in danger anytime there is drugs involved they are in danger